Hi Stacey:
For what it's worth, I think that you weren't asking if feeling sick was normal - you sort of worked that one out on your own? What you wanted to know about was whether any one else felt like they were still huge after losing weight significant amounts of weight? Maybe I didn't understand your questions entirely but if that is what it, my answer to you is twofold.
#1 - there is no such thing as normal anymore. lol Okay I take that back. I read somewhere that normal is just a cycle on a washing machine.
#2 - if there was such a thing as normal I have lost 300 lbs from my highest weight and there are days I feel larger than ever. Today is one of them. I feel like my stomach is bigger than it's ever been, like it's harder than a rock, like I should join the circus and make money since I am the fattest woman on earth and like I am a total failure. That is the way I emotionally feel. Yet the truth is this morning as I got ready for work, I grabbed a pair of capri pants (yes for those of your who haven't seen me in a while I can now wear pants and haven't been in a skirt since the day I was able to put a pair of slacks on for the first time in my adult life) and pulled them on and was glad they had a draw string in them because they were loose (yes I said loose) and I had to pull them tighter to hold them up. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and what I saw was a huge fat cow but when I get to work people
commented on how it looks like I've lost more weight.
I don't know how many times I've heard Dr. Roe comment that he can only operate on our body's but our brains he can't touch and I think for so many of us the issues we face the most are not medical but psychological. I look at pictures of myself before my surgery and I have no idea who I even was then as far as looks go but so many days I feel like I am the same huge, fat person inside of that picture. I think it is a demon I will always struggle with. Maybe you and I are the only 2 people who feel like that and maybe we aren't normal but at least know you aren't totally alone. You have company in the madness - whether that makes you feel any better or not I don't know. :o)
I really wanted to be at group this month but I was running a high fever and have a miserable summer head cold and was in bed asleep by 7:30 so that is why I didn't make it. I hope I can be there next month but the reason I didn't miss a single meeting for the first 3 years of my journey was because that was the only place I could go and feel "normal" or at least it was the only place I could go and express myself and find comfort in knowing that at least one other person knew what I was talking about or felt the same way I did.
--- On Thu, 8/14/08, Stacey lynn <slwalker102@...> wrote: From: Stacey lynn <slwalker102@...> |
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