Hi everybody,

My name is Hope, or at least that's the name I'm using. My family is
keeping "the secret" about my father's cause of death, so for that
reason alone, I'm very circumspect about revealing my true identity.

My father died in August of this year. I was the one to find him, and
as you all know, it's a daily struggle to live with it. I'm so glad to
have found you all. And to everybody, I am so sorry for your
individual losses. Here we all know the true depth of each other's pain.

Hope

Your anger is natural.  I get mad at my son Neal for leaving me.  But it doesn't
mean I don't love him!!  Try to remember this was an accident and he didn't want
to leave you.  He wanted to be there for you.
MeLinda
Neal 6/22/86 - 6/30/03

--- On Mon, 10/20/08, kool_king_88 <kool_king_88@...> wrote:

From: kool_king_88 <kool_king_88@...>
Subject: [Autoerotic Asphyxiation Support] ...
To: autoeroticasphyxiationsupport@yahoogroups.com
Date: Monday, October 20, 2008, 11:06 PM






its been 16 years now since he died though we wernt told how untill we
asked, after my son was born i finally felt the need to know, so i
asked mum and she told me, i think some how i had always known , i
just tried to tell myself it wasnt true now i cant tell myself that
anymore cos it was all confirmed, ive never felt this kind of heart
brokeness knowing that he couldve prevented leaving us, knowing that
he couldve watched us grow up and get married and looking at my son
and knowing hell never meet his grandfather, im so angry at him...


















[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

its been 16 years now since he died though we wernt told how untill we
asked, after my son was born i finally felt the need to know, so i
asked mum and she told me, i think some how i had always known , i
just tried to tell myself it wasnt true now i cant tell myself that
anymore cos it was all confirmed, ive never felt this kind of heart
brokeness knowing that he couldve prevented leaving us, knowing that
he couldve watched us grow up and get married and looking at my son
and knowing hell never meet his grandfather, im so angry at him...

well you came to the right place. we all do get it. you have every right to feel
the way you feel. when did your dad die? my son died 6 years ago, I'm still
wishing someone would wake me from this damn nightmare. I just had to learn to
live with it. I guess we kind of got used to the pain? I don't know?
I hope you can find some peace here.

Carol
   ----- Original Message -----
   From: kool_king_88
   To: autoeroticasphyxiationsupport@yahoogroups.com
   Sent: Sunday, October 19, 2008 8:06 PM
   Subject: [Autoerotic Asphyxiation Support] Re: hello


   all of it, i keep hoping that its not true and that ill wake up, im
   ashamed of what he did and how he was found.
   im angry that he took such a stupid risk when he had us kids to worry
   about, it hurts im not sure how to get past that.






------------------------------------------------------------------------------



   No virus found in this incoming message.
   Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com
   Version: 8.0.173 / Virus Database: 270.8.1/1733 - Release Date: 10/19/2008
6:02 PM


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

all of it,  i keep hoping that its not true and that ill wake up, im
ashamed of what he did and how he was found.
im angry that he took such a stupid risk when he had us kids to worry
about, it hurts im not sure how to get past that.

Please write more.  What is it that you cannot cope with?

--- On Sat, 10/18/08, kool_king_88 <kool_king_88@...> wrote:

From: kool_king_88 <kool_king_88@...>
Subject: [Autoerotic Asphyxiation Support] hello
To: autoeroticasphyxiationsupport@yahoogroups.com
Date: Saturday, October 18, 2008, 10:06 AM






im not really sure what to write, i just found this group today and
just needed someone to talk to i guess. Not sure how to take any of
this in, not sure how to cope. Sanna















__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam?  Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
http://mail.yahoo.com

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

im not really sure what to write, i just found this group today and
just needed someone to talk to i guess. Not sure how to take any of
this in, not sure how to cope. Sanna

Tania
Enduring this hell is just so hard.  I wonder how I ever managed to get through
those days.  Although I researched as much as I could into why my husband chose
to do what he did, in the end all that mattered to me was that I no longer had
him with me.  There was only one person that I can remember who mentioned the
word suicide to me with regard to how Paul had died and really didn't know what
to say to him. I am so sorry that you are having to deal with accusations on top
of everything else.  I can't believe that your parents in law are accusing you
of such a thing.  That must be so hard.  Surely no-one can think that your
husbands death was suicide.  I can't comprehend that.  You  are no doubt in
utter turmoil and are living in hell...... I know how hard that is.  Keep
posting and you will receive support from people who will help you along the
way.  I lost my husband just over 4 years ago and I still need to know that
there are people out
  there who know exactly how I feel.  Take care Wendy
--- On Wed, 10/15/08, tania_verdone <tania_verdone@...> wrote:

From: tania_verdone <tania_verdone@...>
Subject: [Autoerotic Asphyxiation Support] aea
To: autoeroticasphyxiationsupport@yahoogroups.com
Date: Wednesday, October 15, 2008, 6:42 PM






i lost my husband to aea 10 weeks ago....it doesn't make any sense to
me .he was a perfectionist in every aspect of the word. i found him on
his knees in the eves of our house.they said his nails were polished
red and there was some bodage..i just don't get it.There are no local
support groups for this...and yes i am telling people the truth i am
not letting my husbands legacy to go down as suicide...his parents
accused me of murdering him....he was 44 and had everything going for
him...tgv


















[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

i am sorry for your pain and distress, my husband died almost 9 years ago he too
had bondage clothes on, for me that was one of the hardest parts to cope with,
all I can say as everyone says is the pain does lessen unfortunately it doesn't
go completely. Every time my son now 8 reaches milestones or wins a prize I feel
sorry for my husband not being here to share these things with me and my boy. I
have met a new wonderful man who is so understanding and a real rock on the bad
days I now feel so blessed with my life.
take care
julie

--- On Wed, 15/10/08, tania_verdone <tania_verdone@...> wrote:

From: tania_verdone <tania_verdone@...>
Subject: [Autoerotic Asphyxiation Support] aea
To: autoeroticasphyxiationsupport@yahoogroups.com
Date: Wednesday, 15 October, 2008, 6:42 PM






i lost my husband to aea 10 weeks ago....it doesn't make any sense to
me .he was a perfectionist in every aspect of the word. i found him on
his knees in the eves of our house.they said his nails were polished
red and there was some bodage..i just don't get it.There are no local
support groups for this...and yes i am telling people the truth i am
not letting my husbands legacy to go down as suicide...his parents
accused me of murdering him....he was 44 and had everything going for
him...tgv


















[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

i lost my husband to aea 10 weeks ago....it doesn't make any sense to
me .he was a perfectionist in every aspect of the word. i found him on
his knees in the eves of our house.they said his nails were polished
red and there was some bodage..i just don't get it.There are no local
support groups for this...and yes i am telling people the truth i am
not letting my husbands legacy to go down as suicide...his parents
accused me of murdering him....he was 44 and had everything going for
him...tgv

Tuck,
Yes, it does get better, but it is a long and difficult process to go
through.  My son and only child would have been 30 yesterday (10/13)
and back on May 21, he was gone 10 years.  Approaching that decade
mark was nearly as hard as the year he died.  I fell apart often and
still cannot believe I'm still here when my son is gone.  No other
children and no grandchildren--ever.  All of our friends and those
who surround us are people who never met him and if not for our
mention of him, they would never know he existed in this world.  They
are all grandparents so we really haven't fit in anywhere in the
world we once knew since the day Colin left us.  BUT, we have found
some peace in helping others cope with their losses and in writing
poetry, singing and in realizing that Colin is in the loving arms of
Jesus forever.  Someday we will see him again.  That is the blessed
hope we live for.  Yes, you do want your life back.  We all do.  Even
after 10 years, if given even the opportunity to die in his place so
that a handsome and talented young man could have had a life--yes,
mom would do it without any hesitation whatsoever.  BUT, those are
not the options we are given.  So we grieve and slowly over time, we
find healing.  And we reach out to each other.  My son gave me the
best and most caring and loyal friends I've ever known.  Those we've
met in this journey are far deeper people than any we knew before.
They will hold us and pray with us and be there no matter what
because they know they can expect the same from us.  There are no
shortcuts to this--just live each day as it comes and slowly the
beauty of who your husband is will shine up from the ashes of what's
gone.  You will survive and eventually heal.  Take heart, you are not
alone; and when you need people come back to this site and cry out.
We hear more than your words--we hear your heart.  God bless, you are
in tonight's thoughts and prayers.
Gala Simpson
Colin's mom


--- In autoeroticasphyxiationsupport@yahoogroups.com, "tuck_1964"
<tuck_1964@...> wrote:
>
> Hi everyone,
>
>   I haven't written in quite a while but I have been reading.  I'm
so
> sorry to the new people....I know your pain and shock.
> I lost my husband Dec. 2/07 he was 38.  What a shock...a friend
found
> him in the house.  This month is our wedding anniversary.  It would
> have been 15 years. I can't imagine getting through that day! And I
> can't stop thinking about it.  I just want him and our lives back.
I
> know that won't happen but I still pray for a miracle or for me to
wake
> from this horrible nightmare.  Even though I love and miss him very
> much...I still have anger for what he did. Will this ever get any
> easier.  I am on meds and I do see a therapist...but sometimes
talking
> to someone who has been through it....is the best!!  Any advice???
>
> Take care and I think of you all.
>
> Tuck
>

Hi,
I've been reading the recent posts and I wanted to respond. I want to
express my gratitude to those who share so much of themselves here on
a subject that has taken me years to understand. Frankly, years to
forget. It was on Nov. 2, 1986 that I came home and found my husband
nude, bound,and hanging...it was only last year that I came full
circle in understanding and remembering exactly what happened. I can
assure you from my experience there is much out there to distract
yourself from pain, from crying, from feeling. My son who was a year
old who was in the room behind where my husband died was there would
be protected, we thought, by listing the death as a suicide. Of
course it was much easier for all of us to accept then. After numbing
the pain with antidepressants, therapy and alcohol, I found a second
marriage 4 years later. It was what I thought it to be, I forgot the
previous life. Another child 2 years later. Now many years later I
find I married a man with hidden similar addictions and now going
through a divorce. During the divorce trial I was blamed for the
suicide of my husband. My oldest son wanted to find out about his Dad
and by the grace of God, the officer who was there that night who
assisted me was still on the force and now a Lt. spoke with me and
told me to visit him. He told me the events of that night, the
coronors report and what they found to validate it. The Officer told
me to have my son speak with him. He did. My son now wants to be an
Officer. My son enlisted in the Army and is now in Baghdad. Pain is
the body's way of healing. Looking back, I stopped the pain any way
that I could. I made bad decisions based on a false gauge of my own
feelings. Oprah Winfrey had a show that year, perhaps a month after
my husband died about this. My inlaws wanted me to watch it as they
taped it for me, so they obviously knew he was doing something. My
sister in law said that he drilled a hole through his brothers
bedroom wall to watch them have sex. Are these indicators of AEA? I
don't know. But I sure needed validation of something after all the
lies I told and believed about his death, that it wasn't me who
killed him. My inlaws stuck with the suicide eventually. I want to
now take responsibility for exactly what I did and didn't do but I
will no longer take the blame for any of this. My Mother In Law died
2 months ago. My sons grandmother. The pain surfaced again. They did
not tell me that she died. They told my husband whom I'm divorcing,
this man told my son that "I made my first husband go crazy, that's
why he killed himself."

Thank you for letting me express this, as pain does subside. It
doesn't go away if you do not deal with it though as I've learned the
hard way. And time changes everything. Including reality.

I am in a beautiful place now. The Universe has given me a new lease
on life. This has been the hardest experience of my life. It's like I
had to re do my experience with my husbands death to move through the
pain with all the losses in my life. Truth is really all that
matters, and the old adage, "To thine own self be true" is what saved
me. Perhaps now someone going through this horror will know that pain
is really the body healing. Pain is good. When my heart felt like
someone took it out and threw it on a frying pan and put it back in
my stomach, I sat down. I called someone. I lit candles. Keep a
journal of pain and joyful moments when you feel your loved one! And
you will. Sometimes I have to force myself just to be still. To stop
the busy work. I found my calling many years ago shortly after my
husband died. It's as if God, the universe our bodies have a natural
individual salve to gather us on our path where we're supposed to go
and pain is part of it so that joy can be recieved.

God Bless

Hi Wendy. You described that so well, the pain easing by becoming accustomed to
it. I know I'll never "get over" my son's death. But I've learned to live with
it, deal with it, and in so doing, being able to function again in life. The
pain becomes part of who we are, who we'll become and lies beneath the surface.
It can rise at unexpected times with a fury. And then subside again. I'm
grateful that happens eventually for who would want to live forever with the
agony that comes in the beginning?  Forget? Never. Get over it? Never. Miss my
son? Always. Live again? Yes. Nice to hear from you again. ~Dianna Jason's mom
 
 

--- On Tue, 10/14/08, wendy watson <charlietigger@...> wrote:







From my experience, that initial excruciating pain that became part of my every
waking and sleeping moments did eventually ease.   I became accustomed to living
with the pain and even though it has eased, I am aware that the horror of losing
my precious husband will never leave me.  Time has played a major part in the
healing process.  I never thought that it would.  I am sure that your feelings
of anger towards your husband are normal and fully understandable.  I hope that
in the future those feelings will cease and are no longer of   concern to you. 
I never felt anger towards my husband, I felt so very sorry for him.  He did not
mean to leave me and would never have wanted me to find him in the way that I
did.  I'm so very sorry that you are in this terrible situation.  Take care
--- On Tue, 10/14/08, tuck_1964 <tuck_1964@yahoo. ca> wrote:

From: tuck_1964 <tuck_1964@yahoo. ca>
Subject: [Autoerotic Asphyxiation Support] The pain.....
To: autoeroticasphyxiat ionsupport@ yahoogroups. com
Date: Tuesday, October 14, 2008, 1:36 AM

Hi everyone,

I haven't written in quite a while but I have been reading. I'm so
sorry to the new people....I know your pain and shock.
I lost my husband Dec. 2/07 he was 38. What a shock...a friend found
him in the house. This month is our wedding anniversary. It would
have been 15 years. I can't imagine getting through that day! And I
can't stop thinking about it. I just want him and our lives back. I
know that won't happen but I still pray for a miracle or for me to wake
from this horrible nightmare. Even though I love and miss him very
much...I still have anger for what he did. Will this ever get any
easier. I am on meds and I do see a therapist... but sometimes talking
to someone who has been through it....is the best!! Any advice???

Take care and I think of you all.

Tuck

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


















[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

From my experience, that initial excruciating pain that became part of my every
waking and sleeping moments did eventually ease.   I became accustomed to living
with the pain and even though it has eased, I am aware that the horror of losing
my precious husband will never leave me.  Time has played a major part in the
healing process.  I never thought that it would.  I am sure that your feelings
of anger towards your husband are normal and fully understandable.  I hope that
in the future those feelings will cease and are no longer of   concern to you. 
I never felt anger towards my husband, I felt so very sorry for him.  He did not
mean to leave me and would never have wanted me to find him in the way that I
did.  I'm so very sorry that you are in this terrible situation.  Take care
--- On Tue, 10/14/08, tuck_1964 <tuck_1964@...> wrote:

From: tuck_1964 <tuck_1964@...>
Subject: [Autoerotic Asphyxiation Support] The pain.....
To: autoeroticasphyxiationsupport@yahoogroups.com
Date: Tuesday, October 14, 2008, 1:36 AM






Hi everyone,

I haven't written in quite a while but I have been reading. I'm so
sorry to the new people....I know your pain and shock.
I lost my husband Dec. 2/07 he was 38. What a shock...a friend found
him in the house. This month is our wedding anniversary. It would
have been 15 years. I can't imagine getting through that day! And I
can't stop thinking about it. I just want him and our lives back. I
know that won't happen but I still pray for a miracle or for me to wake
from this horrible nightmare. Even though I love and miss him very
much...I still have anger for what he did. Will this ever get any
easier. I am on meds and I do see a therapist... but sometimes talking
to someone who has been through it....is the best!! Any advice???

Take care and I think of you all.

Tuck


















[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hi everyone,

   I haven't written in quite a while but I have been reading.  I'm so
sorry to the new people....I know your pain and shock.
I lost my husband Dec. 2/07 he was 38.  What a shock...a friend found
him in the house.  This month is our wedding anniversary.  It would
have been 15 years. I can't imagine getting through that day! And I
can't stop thinking about it.  I just want him and our lives back.  I
know that won't happen but I still pray for a miracle or for me to wake
from this horrible nightmare.  Even though I love and miss him very
much...I still have anger for what he did. Will this ever get any
easier.  I am on meds and I do see a therapist...but sometimes talking
to someone who has been through it....is the best!!  Any advice???

Take care and I think of you all.

Tuck

Hi, I'm so very sorry that this has happened to you.  I lost my precious husband
just over 4 years ago and I can feel your pain.  I am not able to tell you how
to handle it.....I think that I just survived, not knowing what to do.  I know
that the pain is so hard to endure, there is no getting away from that.  Please
keep posting if you can.  It was one of the things that kept me focussed.  I had
to share my horror with others that were feeling my pain. 
If you can, try to focus on the love that you shared with your husband.  I'm now
at a loss for words.  Take care, Wendy

--- On Mon, 9/15/08, Carole <sallyjoe74@...> wrote:

From: Carole <sallyjoe74@...>
Subject: [Autoerotic Asphyxiation Support] New here...
To: autoeroticasphyxiationsupport@yahoogroups.com
Date: Monday, September 15, 2008, 4:31 AM






I lost my husband on 8/20/08 to AeA. I had no idea he was doing this.
I am still in shock and can't believe he would do such a dangerous and
foolish act. Our daughter came home for lunch and found him in the
garage. She will never be able to forget. I am at a loss at how to
handle this.


















[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

hi sallyjoe,

i have been meaning to reply - please forgive me for the delay.

i am so very sorry to hear about your husband. i lost my brother jon at age
36 on 5.11.01.

this site has many people that have lost their child/sibling/spouse and it
has helped me thru tough anniversaries (bdays/holidays/etc.).

i am sorry you had to even find this site - please know you and especially
your poor daughter are in my thoughts and prayers.

with love,
christy
jon's sister



**************Looking for simple solutions to your real-life financial
challenges?  Check out WalletPop for the latest news and information, tips and
calculators.      (http://www.walletpop.com/?NCID=emlcntuswall00000001)


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

hello Sally ? Carolle ? I am very very sorry about your loss ... I
don't know exactly how you feeling at the moment but I know more or
less because I found my best friend and ex-husband in his bed last
february and I still in shock questioning myself the same question you
ask yourself why he was doing that ? I am sorry about your daugther
because is something really horrible I not have enough words for
that .. try hard everyday to handle this make yourself busy....
busy ...conversation with your friends a lots.. if somebody next to
kind or even your best friend know the true about his dead.. speak a
lots about this to them .. doesn't  matter if your friend o next to
kind be boring of your conversation. . they need to understand you at
the moment and listening to you is the best way to show you love...warm
your daugther with words about her father how good he was in life and
if he was doing that no delete the good man he was .. only it is
something he was INTO apart from his own personality and is the more
private thing anybody can do and not is business or nobody else etc etc
etc.,( I am sorry about my english ) still write to this site..
hopefully you be better soon, bye, Patricia.

I lost my husband on 8/20/08 to AeA.  I had no idea he was doing this.
I am still in shock and can't believe he would do such a dangerous and
foolish act.  Our daughter came home for lunch and found him in the
garage.  She will never be able to forget.  I am at a loss at how to
handle this.

deborah,

i am so sorry about your loss. i really feel for you.

i lost my brother on 5.11.01 and ironically, he also started mildly (if
there is such a thing) using meth too. i had no idea until i obtained ER reports
from January 2001. i don't believe my brother had any meth in his system at
the  time of his death but he did have alcohol in his blood.

you are in my thoughts and prayers.

with love,
christy mattey
jon's sister



**************It's only a deal if it's where you want to go. Find your travel
deal here.
(http://information.travel.aol.com/deals?ncid=aoltrv00050000000047)


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hi Deborah,
 
So sorry to hear about your husband, but glad that you found us. I lost my only
child, my son Jared, to AeA on 8/9/04. I too did not even know what AeA was. I
still have so many un-answered questions but I know someday I will have all the
answers. Stay strong, your son needs you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Colleen Marrero

--- On Tue, 9/2/08, Deborah <Steknow@...> wrote:

From: Deborah <Steknow@...>
Subject: [Autoerotic Asphyxiation Support] Steven Woods: 10/5/1968 -- 8/12/2008
To: autoeroticasphyxiationsupport@yahoogroups.com
Date: Tuesday, September 2, 2008, 12:34 PM






Hello, all.
I am the widow of Steven Woods, and I'm new to this group. My husband
accidentally killed himself with AEA on August 12 of this year. I
don't know what else to say at this point. We have a 4-year-old son
together, and Steven has a daughter Samantha, 14, from his previous
marriage. People ask me, Did you know about the AEA? I think they're
crazy to ask me that but I answer them politely and honestly. I say,
No, I did not know about the AEA. Was I surprised by it? No, I
wasn't, and there's a reason for that. He was also using again
(meth). Secrets abound around me... Anyway, I'll be perusing the
posts past and such. Thanks.

Deborah Woods


















[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hello, all.
I am the widow of Steven Woods, and I'm new to this group.  My husband
accidentally killed himself with AEA on August 12 of this year.  I
don't know what else to say at this point.  We have a 4-year-old son
together, and Steven has a daughter Samantha, 14, from his previous
marriage.  People ask me, Did you know about the AEA?  I think they're
crazy to ask me that but I answer them politely and honestly.  I say,
No, I did not know about the AEA.  Was I surprised by it?  No, I
wasn't, and there's a reason for that.  He was also using again
(meth).  Secrets abound around me...  Anyway, I'll be perusing the
posts past and such.  Thanks.

Deborah Woods

I am disappointed by the John Edwards Affair. While I am happy he is
here even if in shame and hurt, I am sure many prefer to have him alive
than not. At least, this is how I feel. What do you think?

Lydia

I am so sorry that you are having to endure this hell.  I will be thinking of
you.
Wendy

--- On Fri, 6/27/08, darlene6145969 <darlene61459@...> wrote:

From: darlene6145969 <darlene61459@...>
Subject: [Autoerotic Asphyxiation Support] My "Chris"
To: autoeroticasphyxiationsupport@yahoogroups.com
Date: Friday, June 27, 2008, 2:23 PM






On Wednesday May 21st, my only son, Christopher, was found dead in
his apartment. He was 26 years old. The police orginally thought he
had committed suicide. He was found sitting on the floor of his room
with a belt around his neck, hanging from his bed. He was undressed
except for his underpants. There was no suicide note or anything to
indicate he was suicidal. When I talked with the coroner and the
detective in charge of the case, I mentioned that Chris had played
around with AE during his teenage years. I did not and do not
believe that he committed suicide. He had just signed a contract on
a new cell service the week prior to his death and he had made plans
to come and visit me for my birthday in June. He had also made plans
to move into a new abode that Friday. I could accept that he
accidentally killed himself through AE. Most of the people that I
talk with have no idea what that is and I had to explain what it is.
This was very hard due to the "looks" I'd get when I said what is
involved. I am not ashamed of my son or what happened IF this is
indeed what occurred. It's the same as if he had a mental illness.
There is a vast amount of stigma attached to these "dirty" little
secrets in our society. One lady told me that HER children would
never do something like this cause SHE wouldn't let them. That made
me feel very angry at her cause SHE does NOT know what her kids will
do when they grow up. Right? Anyway, another aspect of this
situation has me very upset. At my son's funeral, some of his co-
workers were telling me things that I had no idea were going on.
That's when I found out that he was moving to a new abode. They all
believed that he was murdered. His "best" friend has been very cruel
to me. The first thing this man told me was that HE was my son's
beneficiary on his work insurance and it was one years salary. The
first thing his wife said to me was they wanted the bed that my son
was hanged on. This man didn't want to give me any of my son's
belongings and would not allow me into the house where he died. This
made me think that maybe he had been murdered. The police tell me
that they don't believe this cause my son was a big man. He was
short and overweight. He did drink a lot too. The best friend said
that on the last night Chris was alive, he played a game on the
computer and then went to bed. How did he know this? The police
also said that there was no sign of forced entry. Well, the friend
had a key to the place so there would not be forced entry. My son
was supposed to come visit me on Mother's Day but he had to change
his plans because of work. He did tell me that there was a lot
of "stuff" going on that he'd talk to me about when we saw each
other. I tried to get him to talk on the phone but he insisted that
we talk in person. I know that I will never get answers to all my
questions. I'm in therapy right now and am taking it a day at a
time. It is so hard to realize that I'll never hold my baby again or
hear his voice. Thanks for letting me vent. God bless.


















[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

My deepest sympathies to you on your great loss.  The circumstances of his death
may never be known to you, and that has to be agonizing for you.  It is true
that those who practice AEA are at risk of "accidental death", and very often
the partner will disavow any involvement to protect themselves.  It involves a
LOT of trust to allow oneself to be hanged or strangled.  It angers me to think
someone might take advantage of that trust for personal gain.  But, in this
case, it would be hard to determine motive.  And so, you are left with
answerless questions that echo into the emptiness of Chris's memory. 
    May you find some comfort and understanding here among us.
 
David

--- On Fri, 6/27/08, darlene6145969 <darlene61459@...> wrote:

From: darlene6145969 <darlene61459@...>
Subject: [Autoerotic Asphyxiation Support] My "Chris"
To: autoeroticasphyxiationsupport@yahoogroups.com
Date: Friday, June 27, 2008, 8:23 AM






On Wednesday May 21st, my only son, Christopher, was found dead in
his apartment. He was 26 years old. The police orginally thought he
had committed suicide. He was found sitting on the floor of his room
with a belt around his neck, hanging from his bed. He was undressed
except for his underpants. There was no suicide note or anything to
indicate he was suicidal. When I talked with the coroner and the
detective in charge of the case, I mentioned that Chris had played
around with AE during his teenage years. I did not and do not
believe that he committed suicide. He had just signed a contract on
a new cell service the week prior to his death and he had made plans
to come and visit me for my birthday in June. He had also made plans
to move into a new abode that Friday. I could accept that he
accidentally killed himself through AE. Most of the people that I
talk with have no idea what that is and I had to explain what it is.
This was very hard due to the "looks" I'd get when I said what is
involved. I am not ashamed of my son or what happened IF this is
indeed what occurred. It's the same as if he had a mental illness.
There is a vast amount of stigma attached to these "dirty" little
secrets in our society. One lady told me that HER children would
never do something like this cause SHE wouldn't let them. That made
me feel very angry at her cause SHE does NOT know what her kids will
do when they grow up. Right? Anyway, another aspect of this
situation has me very upset. At my son's funeral, some of his co-
workers were telling me things that I had no idea were going on.
That's when I found out that he was moving to a new abode. They all
believed that he was murdered. His "best" friend has been very cruel
to me. The first thing this man told me was that HE was my son's
beneficiary on his work insurance and it was one years salary. The
first thing his wife said to me was they wanted the bed that my son
was hanged on. This man didn't want to give me any of my son's
belongings and would not allow me into the house where he died. This
made me think that maybe he had been murdered. The police tell me
that they don't believe this cause my son was a big man. He was
short and overweight. He did drink a lot too. The best friend said
that on the last night Chris was alive, he played a game on the
computer and then went to bed. How did he know this? The police
also said that there was no sign of forced entry. Well, the friend
had a key to the place so there would not be forced entry. My son
was supposed to come visit me on Mother's Day but he had to change
his plans because of work. He did tell me that there was a lot
of "stuff" going on that he'd talk to me about when we saw each
other. I tried to get him to talk on the phone but he insisted that
we talk in person. I know that I will never get answers to all my
questions. I'm in therapy right now and am taking it a day at a
time. It is so hard to realize that I'll never hold my baby again or
hear his voice. Thanks for letting me vent. God bless.


















[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

darlene,

i am so sorry to hear about your son chris. it is just awful.

my brother jon died from aea on 5.11.01 at the age of 36.

my sister was convinced it was murder too - i spoke to the coroner and
police and they said it is very common for family members to consider  murder.

ironically, my brother also just bought a new cell and signed a new  contract
the night before he died.

i could just punch the woman that told you her kid(s) would never do
something like that - what an absolute insensitive idiot - even if she really
believes in her naive state that her kids would never do "something like that" 
why
on earth would you say such a stupid thing?? ugh!!

and while i am punching people - i would also like to punch the woman who
asked for his bed and a bunch of punches to the "best" friend who isn't even
letting you into the place in which you lost chris.

i am so very sorry to hear that another young beautiful child has died to
aea. it is tragic to lose anyone to any kind of death but aea sucks the worst
for me because like you said, when you start telling people how your loved one
died they get all squirmy and uncomfortable. makes me want to talk  longer:)

this site was a God send in particular the first 2 or 3 years after jon
died. i still read every post and touch base with people i have emailed since i
joined this site or they joined this site.

with love and prayers to you,
christy
jon's sister



**************Gas prices getting you down? Search AOL Autos for
fuel-efficient used cars.     
(http://autos.aol.com/used?ncid=aolaut00050000000007)


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

"It's the same as if he had a mental illness". My Goodness, it is not !
"There is a vast amount of stigma attached to these "dirty" little
secrets in our society". Yes, unfortunately. This belongs to everyone's private
space, nobody else's matter.


----- Message d'origine ----
De : darlene6145969 <darlene61459@...>
À : autoeroticasphyxiationsupport@yahoogroups.com
Envoyé le : Vendredi, 27 Juin 2008, 14h23mn 03s
Objet : [Autoerotic Asphyxiation Support] My "Chris"


On Wednesday May 21st, my only son, Christopher, was found dead in
his apartment.  He was 26 years old.  The police orginally thought he
had committed suicide.  He was found sitting on the floor of his room
with a belt around his neck, hanging from his bed.  He was undressed
except for his underpants.  There was no suicide note or anything to
indicate he was suicidal.  When I talked with the coroner and the
detective in charge of the case, I mentioned that Chris had played
around with AE during his teenage years.  I did not and do not
believe that he committed suicide.  He had just signed a contract on
a new cell service the week prior to his death and he had made plans
to come and visit me for my birthday in June.  He had also made plans
to move into a new abode that Friday.  I could accept that he
accidentally killed himself through AE.  Most of the people that I
talk with have no idea what that is and I had to explain what it is.
This was very hard due to the "looks" I'd get when I said what is
involved.  I am not ashamed of my son or what happened IF this is
indeed what occurred.  It's the same as if he had a mental illness.
There is a vast amount of stigma attached to these "dirty" little
secrets in our society.  One lady told me that HER children would
never do something like this cause SHE wouldn't let them.  That made
me feel very angry at her cause SHE does NOT know what her kids will
do when they grow up.  Right?  Anyway, another aspect of this
situation has me very upset.  At my son's funeral, some of his co-
workers were telling me things that I had no idea were going on.
That's when I found out that he was moving to a new abode.  They all
believed that he was murdered.  His "best" friend has been very cruel
to me.  The first thing this man told me was that HE was my son's
beneficiary on his work insurance and it was one years salary.  The
first thing his wife said to me was they wanted the bed that my son
was hanged on.  This man didn't want to give me any of my son's
belongings and would not allow me into the house where he died.  This
made me think that maybe he had been murdered.  The police tell me
that they don't believe this cause my son was a big man.  He was
short and overweight.  He did drink a lot too.  The best friend said
that on the last night Chris was alive, he played a game on the
computer and then went to bed.  How did he know this?  The police
also said that there was no sign of forced entry.  Well, the friend
had a key to the place so there would not be forced entry.  My son
was supposed to come visit me on Mother's Day but he had to change
his plans because of work.  He did tell me that there was a lot
of "stuff" going on that he'd talk to me about when we saw each
other.  I tried to get him to talk on the phone but he insisted that
we talk in person.  I know that I will never get answers to all my
questions.  I'm in therapy right now and am taking it a day at a
time.  It is so hard to realize that I'll never hold my baby again or
hear his voice.  Thanks for letting me vent.  God bless.




      
_____________________________________________________________________________
Envoyez avec Yahoo! Mail. Une boite mail plus intelligente http://mail.yahoo.fr

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

On Wednesday May 21st, my only son, Christopher, was found dead in
his apartment.  He was 26 years old.  The police orginally thought he
had committed suicide.  He was found sitting on the floor of his room
with a belt around his neck, hanging from his bed.  He was undressed
except for his underpants.  There was no suicide note or anything to
indicate he was suicidal.  When I talked with the coroner and the
detective in charge of the case, I mentioned that Chris had played
around with AE during his teenage years.  I did not and do not
believe that he committed suicide.  He had just signed a contract on
a new cell service the week prior to his death and he had made plans
to come and visit me for my birthday in June.  He had also made plans
to move into a new abode that Friday.  I could accept that he
accidentally killed himself through AE.  Most of the people that I
talk with have no idea what that is and I had to explain what it is.
This was very hard due to the "looks" I'd get when I said what is
involved.  I am not ashamed of my son or what happened IF this is
indeed what occurred.  It's the same as if he had a mental illness.
There is a vast amount of stigma attached to these "dirty" little
secrets in our society.  One lady told me that HER children would
never do something like this cause SHE wouldn't let them.  That made
me feel very angry at her cause SHE does NOT know what her kids will
do when they grow up.  Right?  Anyway, another aspect of this
situation has me very upset.  At my son's funeral, some of his co-
workers were telling me things that I had no idea were going on.
That's when I found out that he was moving to a new abode.  They all
believed that he was murdered.  His "best" friend has been very cruel
to me.  The first thing this man told me was that HE was my son's
beneficiary on his work insurance and it was one years salary.  The
first thing his wife said to me was they wanted the bed that my son
was hanged on.  This man didn't want to give me any of my son's
belongings and would not allow me into the house where he died.  This
made me think that maybe he had been murdered.  The police tell me
that they don't believe this cause my son was a big man.  He was
short and overweight.  He did drink a lot too.  The best friend said
that on the last night Chris was alive, he played a game on the
computer and then went to bed.  How did he know this?  The police
also said that there was no sign of forced entry.  Well, the friend
had a key to the place so there would not be forced entry.  My son
was supposed to come visit me on Mother's Day but he had to change
his plans because of work.  He did tell me that there was a lot
of "stuff" going on that he'd talk to me about when we saw each
other.  I tried to get him to talk on the phone but he insisted that
we talk in person.  I know that I will never get answers to all my
questions.  I'm in therapy right now and am taking it a day at a
time.  It is so hard to realize that I'll never hold my baby again or
hear his voice.  Thanks for letting me vent.  God bless.

I am so sorry for the loss of your brother....I often feel that same
dispair....that nothing is left..that I cant remember his voice anymore...but
then if I heard it I would know it was him...on fathers day it will be 10 years
that John died from AeA...his youngest child is getting ready for his
Prom....these events always make me miss him....it makes this time of year
harder.....if you are able perhaps you can ask friends of your brothers to
recall stories of how your brother touched their lives....or their favorite
memory of your brother..then put them all together in an album and you can look
upon it when you are missing him...I have several letters inwhich friends did
this...it is only now that I can read them....but so thankful for them.....this
is a very long road ...grieving..........but it can be done....and we can be
whole again....I pass on hope to you......gather your memories as they will give
you comfort...take care....Donna

peted1884 <peted1884@...> wrote:          There was some time between when
he was last seen and when his body
was found. I don't know what the death certificate says yet. It was
about two weeks ago now. He was not a young man, and died without
spouse or children, so there is an estate to settle. Otherwise, there
is nothing left but memories and a sense of disbelief.







[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

There was some time between when he was last seen and when his body
was found.  I don't know what the death certificate says yet.  It was
about two weeks ago now.  He was not a young man, and died without
spouse or children, so there is an estate to settle.  Otherwise, there
is nothing left but memories and a sense of disbelief.