Hi, I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. I, too, lost my brother
(Jan. 09). He would have been 47 this month. I appreciate your post. I have
typically told people that he took his own life. However, I also see how it may
be easier to say that he had an accident in his home. I am still trying to find
the words. Thanks again for your post.

--- In autoeroticasphyxiationsupport@yahoogroups.com, "mhiddenk" <mhiddenk@...>
wrote:
>
> Hi. I'm not sure how to do this. On April 1st (!) a police officer came to the
door saying my brother had passed away, and that I should call the coroner's
office in the county where he died. His body was found Mar 31, but he had died
at least 2-3 weeks earlier. The scene was so gruesome, one of the investigating
officers threw up. Even after "crime scene cleaners" had completely emptied and
disinfected the place, it still smelled horrible. The death certificate reads
"auto erotic asphyxiation - hanged self from doorway with chains." Lovely. He
was 60 years old. My psychiatrist said to focus on the grief as grief, not on
the circumstances; it was an accident; it could have been an auto accident. My
therapist, very cautiously, because she did not at all want to make light of the
situation, pointed out that this activity is engaged in to heighten sexual
pleasure, so my brother might have been quite happy shortly before dying - I
hadn't thought of it that way at all, and it seems to help (I'd been thinking,
oh, poor soul, why did he think he deserved such punishment?). She has
experience with S&M patients, and says it is not at all unusual for family
members and even close friends not to know of this behavior, which might be
pushed to greater extremes with the passage of time. Though the death
certificate, with its horribly blunt details, is a matter of public record, I am
not yet prepared to tell most people, even relatives except for my remaining
brother, what actually happened. I am saying that my brother suffered a bad
accident at home. If people press, I add that his body wasn't discovered for
several weeks and was in terrible condition. If they press further, I just say
it's too difficult for me to talk about. By then I'm usually in tears, anyway.
Thank you for being here.
>