I am so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you have found a therapist who
understands. My brother passed away last September. My mom has never said the
words yet, and I'm sure she never will. The therapist gave you some good
advice, although it's hard to focus on just that they passed away. I'm still
very angry with my brother for doing somethng so stupid. But it's harder for
the ones left behind. People automatically ask "how" . I've told very few
people. But I'm starting to think about not hiding it. People need to know it
exists and that it's deadly. But, at the same time, it's not really something
your co-workers or aquaintances need to know, either.



Sex, in our culture, is still so taboo. It doesn't make our brothers perverted
or sick. Just normal people, looking for something. I'm sure they both thought
they would be fine.



I am a little shocked about the death certificate. Where the heck do you live?
My brother's just says accidental. However, there could be better statistics if
the death certificates states AeA.



Good luck to you in dealing with this. I'm glad you've found this site. It's
really been a comfort to me.



Deb



To: autoeroticasphyxiationsupport@yahoogroups.com
From: mhiddenk@...
Date: Wed, 10 Jun 2009 00:54:00 +0000
Subject: [Autoerotic Asphyxiation Support] New member, brother's body found Mar
31 09







Hi. I'm not sure how to do this. On April 1st (!) a police officer came to the
door saying my brother had passed away, and that I should call the coroner's
office in the county where he died. His body was found Mar 31, but he had died
at least 2-3 weeks earlier. The scene was so gruesome, one of the investigating
officers threw up. Even after "crime scene cleaners" had completely emptied and
disinfected the place, it still smelled horrible. The death certificate reads
"auto erotic asphyxiation - hanged self from doorway with chains." Lovely. He
was 60 years old. My psychiatrist said to focus on the grief as grief, not on
the circumstances; it was an accident; it could have been an auto accident. My
therapist, very cautiously, because she did not at all want to make light of the
situation, pointed out that this activity is engaged in to heighten sexual
pleasure, so my brother might have been quite happy shortly before dying - I
hadn't thought of it that way at all, and it seems to help (I'd been thinking,
oh, poor soul, why did he think he deserved such punishment?). She has
experience with S&M patients, and says it is not at all unusual for family
members and even close friends not to know of this behavior, which might be
pushed to greater extremes with the passage of time. Though the death
certificate, with its horribly blunt details, is a matter of public record, I am
not yet prepared to tell most people, even relatives except for my remaining
brother, what actually happened. I am saying that my brother suffered a bad
accident at home. If people press, I add that his body wasn't discovered for
several weeks and was in terrible condition. If they press further, I just say
it's too difficult for me to talk about. By then I'm usually in tears, anyway.
Thank you for being here.









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