Aw hun i feel for you so much, i do agree that we have to focus on it as the
loss of a loved one as in grief itself and not how the death came about, i know
if i focused on how my dad died and not just the fact that he died i would be
insane by now, because i dont think i can emotionally handle dealing with the
circumstances surrounding his death, Its so normal not to tell people, and to
not want to tell people, outsiders look at it in such a sickening way, view our
loved ones as perverted, abnormal, disgusting ect, that it is really hard to say
how they died, which i think also makes it harder on ourselves in the long run
because we are just left bottling it up. its been 16 yrs since my dad died and
still a very minimal number of people know of the actual circumstances. mums
always just said it was an accident, or he was doing an experiment that went
wrong. Rememvber all of our loved ones did not go about this thinking one high
and im gonna die, they thought they would come out of this unscathed and return
to their familys and friends if they had known t would kill them i doubt any of
them would have done it.
Stay strong were all here if you ever need to vent:)
Suzanne Baltetsch.

--- In autoeroticasphyxiationsupport@yahoogroups.com, "mhiddenk" <mhiddenk@...>
wrote:
>
> Hi. I'm not sure how to do this. On April 1st (!) a police officer came to the
door saying my brother had passed away, and that I should call the coroner's
office in the county where he died. His body was found Mar 31, but he had died
at least 2-3 weeks earlier. The scene was so gruesome, one of the investigating
officers threw up. Even after "crime scene cleaners" had completely emptied and
disinfected the place, it still smelled horrible. The death certificate reads
"auto erotic asphyxiation - hanged self from doorway with chains." Lovely. He
was 60 years old. My psychiatrist said to focus on the grief as grief, not on
the circumstances; it was an accident; it could have been an auto accident. My
therapist, very cautiously, because she did not at all want to make light of the
situation, pointed out that this activity is engaged in to heighten sexual
pleasure, so my brother might have been quite happy shortly before dying - I
hadn't thought of it that way at all, and it seems to help (I'd been thinking,
oh, poor soul, why did he think he deserved such punishment?). She has
experience with S&M patients, and says it is not at all unusual for family
members and even close friends not to know of this behavior, which might be
pushed to greater extremes with the passage of time. Though the death
certificate, with its horribly blunt details, is a matter of public record, I am
not yet prepared to tell most people, even relatives except for my remaining
brother, what actually happened. I am saying that my brother suffered a bad
accident at home. If people press, I add that his body wasn't discovered for
several weeks and was in terrible condition. If they press further, I just say
it's too difficult for me to talk about. By then I'm usually in tears, anyway.
Thank you for being here.
>