On Wednesday May 21st, my only son, Christopher, was found dead in
his apartment. He was 26 years old. The police orginally thought he
had committed suicide. He was found sitting on the floor of his room
with a belt around his neck, hanging from his bed. He was undressed
except for his underpants. There was no suicide note or anything to
indicate he was suicidal. When I talked with the coroner and the
detective in charge of the case, I mentioned that Chris had played
around with AE during his teenage years. I did not and do not
believe that he committed suicide. He had just signed a contract on
a new cell service the week prior to his death and he had made plans
to come and visit me for my birthday in June. He had also made plans
to move into a new abode that Friday. I could accept that he
accidentally killed himself through AE. Most of the people that I
talk with have no idea what that is and I had to explain what it is.
This was very hard due to the "looks" I'd get when I said what is
involved. I am not ashamed of my son or what happened IF this is
indeed what occurred. It's the same as if he had a mental illness.
There is a vast amount of stigma attached to these "dirty" little
secrets in our society. One lady told me that HER children would
never do something like this cause SHE wouldn't let them. That made
me feel very angry at her cause SHE does NOT know what her kids will
do when they grow up. Right? Anyway, another aspect of this
situation has me very upset. At my son's funeral, some of his co-
workers were telling me things that I had no idea were going on.
That's when I found out that he was moving to a new abode. They all
believed that he was murdered. His "best" friend has been very cruel
to me. The first thing this man told me was that HE was my son's
beneficiary on his work insurance and it was one years salary. The
first thing his wife said to me was they wanted the bed that my son
was hanged on. This man didn't want to give me any of my son's
belongings and would not allow me into the house where he died. This
made me think that maybe he had been murdered. The police tell me
that they don't believe this cause my son was a big man. He was
short and overweight. He did drink a lot too. The best friend said
that on the last night Chris was alive, he played a game on the
computer and then went to bed. How did he know this? The police
also said that there was no sign of forced entry. Well, the friend
had a key to the place so there would not be forced entry. My son
was supposed to come visit me on Mother's Day but he had to change
his plans because of work. He did tell me that there was a lot
of "stuff" going on that he'd talk to me about when we saw each
other. I tried to get him to talk on the phone but he insisted that
we talk in person. I know that I will never get answers to all my
questions. I'm in therapy right now and am taking it a day at a
time. It is so hard to realize that I'll never hold my baby again or
hear his voice. Thanks for letting me vent. God bless.