I believe our circumstances are different...not so much the
grief....but the accuall facts of what happened...its a bit tabu and
therefore harder to talk about for others not living it...thats why
support groups are so great...you can say how he died here...you dont
have to pretend anything....I am a christian and I found the hardest
people to be around the first couple years were my church friends..I
felt like my healing ws messured in how much I "trusted the Lord" or
looked like I was doing well...."keeping my faith" if I showed sorrow
than it seemed to make people uncomfortable and tney didnt want me to
really talk about any details...I have forgiveness now for them not
understanding...but it was a hard time...I live in a small town and
always feared "who knew?"...but today I dont really care...it does
get better...you are more strong than you know...grieving healing
forgiveness are all things that are personal and no one should judge
you.....I kept a journal and found my places that I could be open and
talk about my feelings....my husband was a loving friend he hugged
alot....10 years later I miss his big smile and hugs...that has
turned into a happy memory instead of an ache in my heart...things
change they dont really go away...and as far as the word "widow"...I
felt like I was part of a club I didnt choose to join...and the word
always brought up questions from people...I hated it...and at times I
resented it...but it was a title that at least said I was married...I
wasnt just a single mom...my children had afather...and we were a
family...I didnt devorce...it was part of change and change is always
hard...Donna.--- In
autoeroticasphyxiationsupport@yahoogroups.com, "tuck_1964"
<tuck_1964@...> wrote:
>
> Hi Everyone,
>
> I can't believe its been 2 months. It seems like yesterday I
kissed
> and hugged my husband good-bye before work. I think I am at the
stage
> where the shock is slowly wearing off and a little reality is
setting
> in, and I don't mind saying I am SCARED. I don't know when I will
ever
> be ready to face the truth. I still want to believe its a bad
> nightmare and I will wake up to him. When I have to say the
> words "widow", I wonder who I am talking about. When I look at my
> husband's death certificate I wonder who is that. Have you all
went
> through this? My sanity is still very much in question. I do see
a
> good therapist and while I'm there I can cope, but coming home to
the
> empty feeling is still unbearable. God please tell me one day this
> incredible pain will not be so consuming. Do you think we suffer
more
> because of the way it happened? If anyone wants to talk please,
please
> let me know.
>
> Thinking of you all.
>