Hello...im new to this support group but not new to aea...I feel
compelled to answer this post..my husband of 18 years died 10 years
ago from aea. I remember like it was yesterday how you feel today. I
want to tell you healing comes slow but it will come. I have 3
children now 25,22, and nearly 18...at the time of thier fathers
death they were only 15, 13 and 8..it was 3 days before my sons 13th
birthday and the week before fathers day....a neighbor found him in
front of our house...in the early morning...he died sometime the
evening before..we were away at our cabin and he had gone home to
work and was suppose to return the next fri to the cabin...he was
only gone 1 day..and we already missed him...at first I came up with
a story that fit....he was working on the house alone..and fell
enstranged in safety rope..most people believed me...some people
thats all they know to this day....my mother in law and sister in law
still only know this...my other sister in law knows but only limited
info...she begged me not to tell her mother.....she had justlost her
husband.my father in law..we let her have the memories of John that
she so loved....today I am well...I still cry at times...I still
grieve...I always will...it took years to tell my children the
truth...but not all the details...my advice ...oh I could talk for
hours......but first of all get a good therapist...one that knows
what this is....if you are not happy get a different one...I was
fortunate that i had a fantastic therapist...I feel she saved my
life...because many days I didnt feel like living.....second..take
care of you...find a place of comfort...a resting place...for me it
was in my bed...I bought a feather mattress and fluffy pillows and
when the kids where secure I would take time to just rest...it was my
comfort....going over and over the details is normal....its how we
process....being angry is normal...being extrmemly sensative is
normal....my husband had cross dressing involved...bondage and very
extreme details which I feel many are too raw right now to share....I
will talk about anything ...I wasnt always like that....this has
changed me...I spent about 2 of the years reading every book and
piece of anything I could...I to this day turn to facts to reach
sanity....I take my emotions out of the facts...therefore for me I
can deal with them...my emotions are mixed in missing him and
remembering John....so if it makes sense I dealt with my husbands
death by separating the facts away from my memories of him....this
was how he died....and this over here is how he lived...2 separate
things to deal with...it helped with the anger...I could love him and
miss him and let myself grieve my loss, my childrens loss.....and I
can be angry that this behavior took my love...took away the life he
loved...I can be angry that life is hard, that I cant really talk to
just anyone about how he died...most people get freaked out....but I
can talk to you folks....I havent had a computer for about 3
years ...I used to post on a site when I had a computer ....I miss
those friends I made...I feel this group can be a place I can talk
again....--- In
autoeroticasphyxiationsupport@yahoogroups.com, "philipp.linda"
<philipp.linda@...> wrote:
>
> I received a promotion at work left Thursday morning for a Plant
> tour, I kissed my husband and soulmate of 22 years goodbye and see
> you tomorrow...to get things ready for my Labor Day/and my Birthday
> party.
> All was well, spoke to him on the phone twice and he told me he
loved
> me and would see me Friday. Friday, at breakfast and my oldest son
> (21) called my cell and was screaming to get my ass home Dad had
> killed himself. I was is shock ...not my husband, after several
> frantic calls to nieghbors and relatives I found out it was
> true...but it wasn't suicide but AeA. I have 2 sons 21 and 15. The
21
> discovered his body and told the yougest to stay out, but he didn't
> and now the last image of their father is one NO-ONE should have
> seen, let alone their dad.
> After the horrible shock, pulling over and to let me throw up 3
hour
> ride back home, I arrived to see all family around. The boys who
ran
> to me and asked why?? How does one respond to something she does
not
> understand. I am fighting to save the remaining 3 of us, but some
> days I think what is the point...I miss him so very,very much and
how
> can I go on and live a life again? We met young, married young and
> built our lives together. I feel like we were a twisted baked
pretzel
> and now I need to know how to unwind myself from my other half
> without breaking.
>
> We are all on anti depressants and are seeing therapists and
> Phycs. ...but they haven't had much help, one called my husband
> mentally ill, one called it suicide...I found new therapists but
for
> now it seems we still are reliving 8/31/07. Over and over again. We
> survived Christmas but there was no joy, just sorrow. Our 23
Wedding
> anniversary was pure hell and I am running out of energy and just
> want to curl up and forget the world exists...Please tell me that
> there is light at the end of the tunnel, for I see nothing but
> blackness.
>