You need to keep going and that is the hardest thing that you will do. I too
lost my precious husband and thought that I would die from the pain that I felt
in my heart. (and still do) I have come to realise that I need to carry on
because of the love that I shared with Paul. Your husband did not intend to
leave you, I am sure of that. I am not sure of what made our husbands do what
they did; I think that we have to accept that as being part of who they were. I
am so sorry. Wendy

"philipp.linda" <philipp.linda@...> wrote: I received a promotion
at work left Thursday morning for a Plant
tour, I kissed my husband and soulmate of 22 years goodbye and see
you tomorrow...to get things ready for my Labor Day/and my Birthday
party.
All was well, spoke to him on the phone twice and he told me he loved
me and would see me Friday. Friday, at breakfast and my oldest son
(21) called my cell and was screaming to get my ass home Dad had
killed himself. I was is shock ...not my husband, after several
frantic calls to nieghbors and relatives I found out it was
true...but it wasn't suicide but AeA. I have 2 sons 21 and 15. The 21
discovered his body and told the yougest to stay out, but he didn't
and now the last image of their father is one NO-ONE should have
seen, let alone their dad.
After the horrible shock, pulling over and to let me throw up 3 hour
ride back home, I arrived to see all family around. The boys who ran
to me and asked why?? How does one respond to something she does not
understand. I am fighting to save the remaining 3 of us, but some
days I think what is the point...I miss him so very,very much and how
can I go on and live a life again? We met young, married young and
built our lives together. I feel like we were a twisted baked pretzel
and now I need to know how to unwind myself from my other half
without breaking.

We are all on anti depressants and are seeing therapists and
Phycs. ...but they haven't had much help, one called my husband
mentally ill, one called it suicide...I found new therapists but for
now it seems we still are reliving 8/31/07. Over and over again. We
survived Christmas but there was no joy, just sorrow. Our 23 Wedding
anniversary was pure hell and I am running out of energy and just
want to curl up and forget the world exists...Please tell me that
there is light at the end of the tunnel, for I see nothing but
blackness.






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