Hello Carol,
Thank you so much..
Stans favorite thing to do was fishing, he did offshore fishing. He loved the
ocean.
So much has been changing for me since the first of the year, right after
Stans death In October My son Jerami (he lived with and worked for Stan for the
last 7 years) and I moved to the beach to "feel closer to him) and to get away
from the horse farm area where it happened, he rented a small bunaglo down the
road from my horse farm ( know Steve's liking horses) it made it worse for me
insead of better, I would sit on the front porch almost everynight looking at
the ocean and cry, I was depresed all the time, so was Jerami. So in June we
moved back to the country to my farm 5 doors down from Stan's.... He moved here
to the country to be closer to me and hang out with the horses so coming back
here was the best thing that could have happened, I know he wanted us to be back
here. I am not depresed now, am running the farm again and busy... thats what I
needed was to be busy again. I still cry amost daily, and I know that will get
better soon. I was so angy at him for so
long for coming here to die, it turned my entire world upside down, and I am
not angry any more, If there is truth that people know when their time is
nearing, that means he chose to spend his last days with me, and for that I will
be forever grateful. I just want him back so bad.
Well thanks for letting me share my fellings, and again thanks for the
suggestions.
Cindy

Carol <sixcons@...> wrote:
Cindy,
what your feeling is normal. it takes a long time! my daughter had
bad panic attacks when my son died. for a long time after. as far as
your mom, you told her what she could handle. the important part is,
he died. thats really all that matters. all deaths are painful, no
matter how it happened, the end result is the same.
My son died a few weeks before his 17th birthday so we didnt really
think about what to do that day? except my other kids wanted cake
and family over. so thats what we did. for his 18th birthday we sent
up 18 balloons to him. one of mine popped, my husbands got stuck in
the trees, just not a good idea hahaha all his birthdays and
anniversaries now we have "steve days" we do what he loved to do.
and we always make his favorite meals. one year we went to Hershey
park and ate Subway. another year we played basketball outside, ate
microwaved hotdog rolls with american cheese (gross i know) one year
we went horseback riding becuase he always wanted to but never got
to. last year for his anniversary we went to a ceramic store and
painted things that reminded us of him.
I hope these ideas help a little? its so hard trying to find the
right thing to do. its such an odd feeling trying to figure out what
to do for them when they arent here anymore. but we all know what
your feeling right now.

Carol

--- In autoeroticasphyxiationsupport@yahoogroups.com, cindy allsman
<cindyallsman@...> wrote:
>
> Hello Melinda, I have not been on here in a long time, in the
beginning it seemed helpful reading everyones experiences, then it
became unbearable, my brother Stan's birthday is coming up august
20, he would be 47. It will soon also be a year since his death, and
it still seems as if it was just yesterday, the pain is just as
great today as it was then, espicially since his birthday is right
around the corner. I still talk to him everyday, and still cry
almost daily, and I am having more and more little breakdowns,
shouldnt it be getting easier instead of harder? I used to go see
Mom on a regular basis, and used to call her 4 to 5 times a week,
now I have only went to see her 4 times in the last year and have to
force myself to call her, she still thinks he just had a heart
attack, and I just cant bear the lie we have told her, I am so
afraid I will slip and tell her the truth, the guilt I belileve is
what has put this void between my Mom and me, I cant stand the guilt
of
> lying to her. I know we have to protect her but doesnt she have
the right to know how her only son died? I need advice as to how to
celebrate his birthday, I know I have to get out of bed that day and
treat it as any other day.... it will be his first birthday since he
is gone and I just dont know what to do....
> I feel sometimes it is so petty being so lost, when he was just
my brother, when most of the people on here lost a child or husband,
but my love for him was just as great.
> how does everone else handle the birthdays of the ones they have
lost/
> Cindy
>
> MeLinda Beasley <melbea2000@...> wrote:
> Colleen,
> My birthday is August 6th.
> My son Neal died a week before his 17th birthday. I'm always
amazed that so many of our loved ones died close to their birthdays!!
> MeLinda
>
> Colleen Cordeiro <powderedsugar41@...> wrote:
> Hi Lyn,
> I think the worst part for most of us are all the unanswered
questions we all have to live the rest of our lives with, and of
course having to go on without them.
> My son turned 22 on 8/6/04 just three days before. I have no
answers, guess God will tell me someday.
> Love
> Colleen
>
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