Charlotte, Colleen David, Tam, Thank you ever so much for your
loving messages. You have no idea how this comforts me with those
warm hugs and your understanding. I read and re-read them. I am so
sorry Charlotte, Colleen and Tam for your losses and thankful David
that you have turned your life around. We all need each other and I
will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I live alone in a large
house and the rooms echo with Marcel's presence. Nights are the
worst. I am moving on with my private speech and language therapies
and ESL tutoring and sculpturing. I have not been able to get back
into my music. There is a deep hole and emptiness in my life. I feel
any minute he may appear around the corner of a room and I look up but
there is no one there. People think I am moving along well but they
don't know how torn up inside I am. When I'm alone, I cry deeply and
miss him sooo much. This type of death, you are right Charlotte, it
carries so much more baggage than a normal death. There are only
close family members that know and I can talk to and gain strength
from. I have to talk. I haven't been able to open the closet to see
the shirts I gave him for Christmas .....those shirts he looked so
handsome wearing.... nor have I been able to read all the cards that
were sent. Yesterday I ventured to take his glasses, ring and watch I
put in the back of the cupboard and brought them forth. His watch was
still ticking and keeping the correct time. That broke me down. What
is helping is remembering how dear and loving he was with all of us
and how he cared for my Mom and Dad and gave of himself freely in so
many ways. I hope you all can gain strength from knowing your loved
one is very much alive in spirit and will move close to you in times
of deep sorrow and comfort you. I feel Marcel close to me when I am
missing him so much. I am not sure if there is comfort yet in that but
I am praying this will come. They are alive and will come to comfort
but we must go on with our lives and always lend a helping hand and
kinds words to the living and those less fortunate. I hug you all and
cry for your losses but just know you will meet your loved one again.
I believe this very strongly. Healing is a slow process and I take
many backward steps. Keep loving others. Life is sooo fragile. LOve
and Hugs to you all.

Trudy Brown