Hello

I'm 25 and live in the UK, 5 weeks ago I came home from work and
found my partner, dead in our bedroom. He had been practising AEA.
This was something i knew that he enjoyed, but always requested that
he never carry it out alone. I was never comfortable with the idea
of ropes around necks, but tried it on one occasion where he passed
out, this scared both him and me and so I refused to do this again.
Which he accepted. We found other ways for him to experience
asphyxiation where i was completely in control.
Unlike many of you, i understood why. My partner was honest with me
from the beginning of our relationship and I was able to read a lot
of literature on the subject and other related practises. Having
known my parnter better than anyone else ever did I have to say that
for some people it is not something they choose to like, its
something that they find which finally fits. Our relationship was
perfectly normal, we loved each other, went to work, ran our
household, this was just also part of our time together.
I want people to understand that its not an evil practise, just a
very stupid one. But for some people impulsiveness takes over as it
did for my partner. I also believe that for a lot of young men it is
an experiment that goes horribly wrong, but people need to accept
that for others its a part of who they are.

My grief is still so very real and i feel this might be the one place
i can find someone who might understand what i'm going through. I
miss him terribly and only feel more lonely as the days go by, in a
way i am lucky as i have a few close friends who knew my partner too
and so understand why. But that doesn't make me less angry about all
the things i will never get to do with him. The house we were going
to buy, the wedding we should have had and the future we wanted to
build together.
I don't want people to tell me how stupid he was, or how time will
heal me, i already know all this. I guess what i'm looking for is
someone to cry with wo knows how i'm feeling.

Sorry to post such a long first message but i needed to get it out.
Jenn