Hi Tony;
Welcome to the group. I am a member of this group, and also the AeA support
group for parents who have lost a child to AeA. I am so sorry to hear of your
father's death to AeA. I understand completely how you feel. My son,
Christopher, died June 11, 2005 at the age of 25 from AeA. I was devastated, as
was everyone that loved him, and those were many. My son was found in a motel
by his sister as he was to meet her in their hometown to select their father's
headstone for his grave. His father had just passed away 5 months prior from a
heart attack suddenly.

I cannot begin to imagine how it must feel to find your loved one. It must be
so very difficult. Please know that my thoughts and prayers go out to you and
your loved ones.

Tomorrow, March 13th, is my son Christopher's birthday. He was born on March
13, 1980, and would have been 27 years old. This is the second birthday that
has passed since he passed away in 2005. I keep thinking it might get just a
wee bit easier, but it doesn't. I think the days leading up to his birthday are
more difficult than the day itself in many ways. I have been thinking of Chris
for the better part of most days and evenings for weeks now, it's almost
non-stop, and I find it tough to concentrate and focus at work. I am not sure
what I will do tomorrow. I will for sure light a candle and keep it burning all
evening, and place a white flower at the Angel of Hope memorial at the park
across the street. My son is buried 240 miles away, so I have a paver stone
placed at the Angel of Hope memorial across the street at the park. It is a
memorial placed there for parent of children that have died, no matter what
age. I may do something that he enjoyed very much,
like watch a Star Wars movie...or watch some of his vocal performances when he
was in high school on video.

I miss him so much, as I am sure you miss your father as well. Please accept
a heartfelt welcome to the group. I don't post often, but felt moved to respond
to your letter..it touched me. Please write anytime.

Vickie (Christopher's mom)


randelltony <randelltony@...> wrote:
Hi there

My name is Tony Randell. I'm Scottish although I live in Rome, Italy.
I was just doing some research on AEA on the net when I came across
this yahoo group.

I am now 41 years old. However, when I was a tender 19 years of age,
in 1984 I walked into my paremt's house and found my dear Dad
hanging, involving chains and cufflinks, scantily dressed, and dead
due to an AEA accident.

It has been a struggle - for many years I could speak to very very
few people about it, and had always so very many questions to ask.
After ten years I started telling friends the sad truth about how my
Dad died, and I eventually went for phsycotherapy in 2002.

He was a wonderful man, always good to both my Mum and me, and we
never knew he practiced anything like this. He was 63 when he died.

Although I believe my Mum and I got through what happened very well,
it has I believe, blocked me sexually for years, and only now, having
got all the hurt and anger off my chest by having talked about it
with friends and the analyst, am I feeling that I fully accept what
happened and feel more at peace with him (because he didn't mean for
me to find him like that) and with myself.

For all of you out there who have lost a loved one to AEA, especially
recently, I fully understand what you're going through and sympathize
100%.

Of course, there is very little advice one can give.

The only advice I would offer, given my experience of it, is not to
blame the deceased for what they did that hurt you so much - they
didn't mean to do it, it was a game that went too far, and not
suicide.

And secondly, don't hold it in like I did for years - talk about it
with friends and family and a therapist if necessary. The closest
people around you cannot even start to really know you if they don't
know about the biggest traumatic event that has ever happend in your
life, and which has gone a long way to make you the person you are.
As they say "what remains secret makes you sick".

I hope to hear from some others of you, and look forward to being
able to support each other through this support group.

Sincerely,

Tony Randell






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