--- In autoeroticasphyxiationsupport@yahoogroups.com, "randelltony"
<randelltony@...> wrote:
>
> Hi there
>
> My name is Tony Randell. I'm Scottish although I live in Rome,
Italy.
> I was just doing some research on AEA on the net when I came across
> this yahoo group.
>
> I am now 41 years old. However, when I was a tender 19 years of
age,
> in 1984 I walked into my paremt's house and found my dear Dad
> hanging, involving chains and cufflinks, scantily dressed, and dead
> due to an AEA accident.
>
> It has been a struggle - for many years I could speak to very very
> few people about it, and had always so very many questions to ask.
> After ten years I started telling friends the sad truth about how
my
> Dad died, and I eventually went for phsycotherapy in 2002.
>
> He was a wonderful man, always good to both my Mum and me, and we
> never knew he practiced anything like this. He was 63 when he
died.
>
> Although I believe my Mum and I got through what happened very
well,
> it has I believe, blocked me sexually for years, and only now,
having
> got all the hurt and anger off my chest by having talked about it
> with friends and the analyst, am I feeling that I fully accept what
> happened and feel more at peace with him (because he didn't mean
for
> me to find him like that) and with myself.
>
> For all of you out there who have lost a loved one to AEA,
especially
> recently, I fully understand what you're going through and
sympathize
> 100%.
>
> Of course, there is very little advice one can give.
>
> The only advice I would offer, given my experience of it, is not to
> blame the deceased for what they did that hurt you so much - they
> didn't mean to do it, it was a game that went too far, and not
> suicide.
>
> And secondly, don't hold it in like I did for years - talk about it
> with friends and family and a therapist if necessary. The closest
> people around you cannot even start to really know you if they
don't
> know about the biggest traumatic event that has ever happend in
your
> life, and which has gone a long way to make you the person you are.
> As they say "what remains secret makes you sick".
>
> I hope to hear from some others of you, and look forward to being
> able to support each other through this support group.
>
> Sincerely,
>
> Tony Randell
>
Another tough day today, tears every 5 minutes. I dont like burdoning
people who are already in pain with my pain. Im the one thats sposed
to be strong and Im the one that does the healing. Its been less than
a year since I lost my 22 year old son. Theres days I cant breath,
days I want to die and recently days Ive cut myself to take off some
of the pressure. It just hurts.

This is why I dont post, I end up gushing and in tears. Im glad you
found your way here Their a good bunch. Welcome.

Tam