Hi there

My name is Tony Randell. I'm Scottish although I live in Rome, Italy.
I was just doing some research on AEA on the net when I came across
this yahoo group.

I am now 41 years old. However, when I was a tender 19 years of age,
in 1984 I walked into my paremt's house and found my dear Dad
hanging, involving chains and cufflinks, scantily dressed, and dead
due to an AEA accident.

It has been a struggle - for many years I could speak to very very
few people about it, and had always so very many questions to ask.
After ten years I started telling friends the sad truth about how my
Dad died, and I eventually went for phsycotherapy in 2002.

He was a wonderful man, always good to both my Mum and me, and we
never knew he practiced anything like this. He was 63 when he died.

Although I believe my Mum and I got through what happened very well,
it has I believe, blocked me sexually for years, and only now, having
got all the hurt and anger off my chest by having talked about it
with friends and the analyst, am I feeling that I fully accept what
happened and feel more at peace with him (because he didn't mean for
me to find him like that) and with myself.

For all of you out there who have lost a loved one to AEA, especially
recently, I fully understand what you're going through and sympathize
100%.

Of course, there is very little advice one can give.

The only advice I would offer, given my experience of it, is not to
blame the deceased for what they did that hurt you so much - they
didn't mean to do it, it was a game that went too far, and not
suicide.

And secondly, don't hold it in like I did for years - talk about it
with friends and family and a therapist if necessary. The closest
people around you cannot even start to really know you if they don't
know about the biggest traumatic event that has ever happend in your
life, and which has gone a long way to make you the person you are.
As they say "what remains secret makes you sick".

I hope to hear from some others of you, and look forward to being
able to support each other through this support group.

Sincerely,

Tony Randell