it has nothing to do with you not being good enough, it's an
addiction. like any other addiction very hard to break, and makes you
want to see how far you can push it. he didn't choose this over you,
he just thought he'd be able to get away with it. that was the hardest
for me to understand. he knew better....well, because of the
addiction, he really didn't. I knew about this before hand, and may be
able to answer a few questions if you want me to try, this is
something we did together every now and again, so if it helps, I can
probably answer them.