On the morning of October 28th 2005 , I found my husband of 10 years
dead in our brand new home in the closet in my daughter's room. We
had not moved in yet thank god. He was naked and in a sitting
position on the floor, he had his shirt wrapped around his head and
the rope on top of that going up to the attic rafters . He had been
there for a while because when I touched him I remember thinking how
cold and hard he felt. the only reason I knew it was him was I could
see his mumps innoculation scar on his shoulder and the freckles on
his back. I loved my husband DESPERETLY and am confused and a wreck
over why he did this. The things I do know are that he was hooked on
drugs, cocaine to be specific and he had been drinking and using
that night. the police said that this was not the first time he had
done this, because they found a bag with short lengths of rope in it
tied into knooses. I know that we were having a hard time that last
year , he was a VERY successful site foreman for a very large
construction company. He was very smart and was also ADHD and
dyslexic. I had been dealing with his hangups for years, and would
never have left him not for a million dollars . We were not devient
people , we had regular normal even boring sex. Sex for us was more
like being close and talking than sex. So I dont understand this
thing that he did!! Where did he find out about it ?? How does
someone like him discover this thing??

I have two beautiful children who were 6 and 7 when he died and I
told them daddy fell off a ladder!! How do I ever tell them that
daddy chose this THING over us!! Why wasnt I good enough?? does
anyone know?? All i can do these days is cry, (always at night and
by myself) I miss him so, he was my best friend, someone I have
known ALL my life.