--- In autoeroticasphyxiationsupport@yahoogroups.com, "lostlilgyrl"
<lostlilgyrl@y...> wrote:
>
> And to my great disturbance I found out that my M was a poster here
> back in 2001 (Message 569 was his first post, August 29th i think)
> His screen name was bond626262, that is the name I met him under. I
> read his post. How angry it makes me. He always talked about being
> safe...
> I am shaking right now. He could have avoided this. I found out
from
> the detectives not too long ago that he was trying "something new"
> according to some evidence they found...He was online chatting at
> the time and also on cam with a woman whom he had been doing this
> for for a few weeks. I have talked with her, she also said he was
> doing something new and how they had discussed it. But she never
did
> get his real name, his phone number (though he offered it) or
> anything about him before she willingly watched this man die. I am
> SO angry! Had she known SOMETHING about him she could have possibly
> saved his life.
> I see all these women talking so lovingly of their significant
> others despite how selfishly they died. I understand they may not
> have realized the dangers, but my M DID! All I feel is such great
> rage. So much anger. I have not slept in 2 days.
> God help me but this is too much to do twice in one life time.

I can understand your anger completly! I still have alot of anger for
what Allen did, but I still love him. I had no idea that he was into
this practice! I read the post "569" and others that follwed. It is
very disturbing to me...on the other hand, at least he was being
honest and told people of what he was into. I wish Allen had, then
maybe I could have helped him,(not do it again),maybe not. I found a
porn site Allen had been into the day he died. It sickened me. It is
an addiction with these people. There is no such thing as "safe" with
this practice. It doesn't matter how old a person is or how long they
have been doing this...it is simply not safe. I am sorry you have to
go through this again! One partners' death in a lifetime is enough,
but twice...I cannot even imagine. And yes, I feel the same about it
being such a selfish act. I feel I cannot truly trust anyone again. I
was married for over 10 yrs. and I did not know what my husband was
doing. I feel betrayed....(and stupid at times) and why didn't I see
any signs? They hide it well, even according to the posts I read. It
is so very private to them. Please know we understand your frustration
and anger...we have all experienced this and most still are to some
degree. I can feel how much you loved "M". Maybe that's why there are
so many tears.
Please know ... God, you are NOT alone! I will be thinking of you and
praying we can all get through this together.
Susan