hello all,

i think ive just been had. im not trying to get girlfriend advice or

anything juvenille im just lost again.as ive said in the past i have

issues and so does my girlfriend but either im going crazy(er) or she

plays me for some sick need.i will be completely honest and i ask the

same of anyone who responds. im not after having anyone tell me im

right i just need an outside opinion and im alone here and have

knowone to ask.this morning i came downstairs and my girlfriend and

the two boys were in the living room she was laying on the floor with

covers.im usually the one who gets up early with them but it was her

today.well all seemed ok i was laying on the floor with them, she may

have noticed a few looks on my face towards my stepson he is 7 but

very advanced and very annoying but i didnt say anything.she made a

commit about the son we share together saying i dont understand he

was in a good mood all morning till now and well the only difference

is i was with them now.it made me mad so i responded by saying

something harmless but letting her know i knew what she was implying

(from time to time she says suttle hurtful things)well after i

responded she got up and went crazy yelling and it all seemed very

fake to me i followered her upstairs trying to get a hold on things

and she kept grabing my shirt and pulling me around and then i

started getting angry next thing i know her son was crying and im the

perp and she and him the victum he talked to me like he was 21 and i

resonded like he was 21 (mistake i know)now she is at a hotel and im

the devil once more. i swear when she started yelling at me when this

first started it seemed so fake ive seen her mad and she wasnt in my

eyes she was trying to make it look like to her son that i was doing

something and she was so tired of me causing this but truthfully i

was just confused and not doing much of anything . she does this with

her ex and did long before i came around.i guess you can only see

myside since im telling it but why would anyone stage something so

mean?she is always saying she is scared i will leave her that she has

never really loved till me but this shit is insane. did she know if

she started some bs then pushed me id get mad and make a mistake?am i

insane and paranoid?i try my best to admit my wrongs and try to grow

and change but now im left with what i said to her son and im the bad

guy once again because thats what stands out.truthfully it never had

to happen in my eyes.please help me to understand im so used to being

the person in the wrong but with her something feels like i get

played a lot.does anyone understand? am i crazy? please be honest

Hi Dale....

 

I'm going to just guess here.  I had a similar relationship with my mom.  At

some point it doesn't matter who is right or wrong.  12 step program about

"blaming".  Yes, it gets complicated with children from another

relationship....There were stages my son had, that triggered me, but I knew he

had done nothing wrong.  By the time it passed, I had no idea it was a trigger

for me.  (my pass)

 

When I started to analyze my relationship with (people) I thought I might have

some connection to people with alcoholics.  My mom did not drink, but acted the

same way as her siblings who did.  If it is dna or how we are raised, those 3

had that much in common.  They seemed to all treat their children the "same"

way.  Some of the details are not important as the results is....I had what you

have.  Relationships with some people just go that way.  Like it is written on

my forehead.....lol

 

So I looked into Alanon, and found a lot of people behave this way, and it is up

to us if we recognize it, to leave.  Or we become "enablers".  Odd word, but I

guess we help them, and this is not in a good way.  I was raised in a family

similar to what you have described. Nothing seems to make things better...

 

I found I can only do what is right for me, and having the wrong people around

makes my job harder.  Hard choces have to be made.

 

or

 

 

you can get educated about this kind of behavior so you can defuse it, before it

gets out of hand.  Is she worth that?  Please don't stay for the children.  Part

of that equation is she has to see no matter what, she can not take you by the

shirt and drag you around like that.  That is so wrong.  That is "sick".  No

stranger would allow that....who does?  Would she do that to her kids?  Can she

see this?

 

I finally came to the realization, I can not help people that are "sick" and

don't want the help.  It is sad, from a woman's point of view, that she can not

see her behavior is not good for her child.  She needs to take responsibility

for her behavior and make it right too....

 

See if this helps:  anger is a stress relief from fear, pain, &/or shame.  Can

you pin point any events in her life that would make her act this way?  I hate

to say it, but is it a monthly thing?  (If you can pin point it to a monthly

thing, that is a different challenge.  But, if it is just is???..........she has

a problem.)  I imagine her anger can be triggered just like us....but the anger

has to be there first........I'd think?????  What is she really angry about?

 

Perhaps the more we understand about our anger, they more we can understand

others, but what to do about it......I'd leave.  Once I found out what abuse is,

I'm never going to take it again.  Id rather be alone, or homeless.

 

Just speaking from experience, and see the results in my life............this

(education) works.

J



 Volunteers don't necessarily have the time:

they just have the heart.

author unknown









________________________________

From: Dale <dhdmidnight96@...>

To: angertoolbox@yahoogroups.com

Sent: Tuesday, December 30, 2008 12:14:56 PM

Subject: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity



hello all,

i think ive just been had. im not trying to get girlfriend advice or

anything juvenille im just lost again.as ive said in the past i have

issues and so does my girlfriend but either im going crazy(er) or she

plays me for some sick need.i will be completely honest and i ask the

same of anyone who responds. im not after having anyone tell me im

right i just need an outside opinion and im alone here and have

knowone to ask.this morning i came downstairs and my girlfriend and

the two boys were in the living room she was laying on the floor with

covers.im usually the one who gets up early with them but it was her

today.well all seemed ok i was laying on the floor with them, she may

have noticed a few looks on my face towards my stepson he is 7 but

very advanced and very annoying but i didnt say anything.she made a

commit about the son we share together saying i dont understand he

was in a good mood all morning till now and well the only difference

is i was with them now.it made me mad so i responded by saying

something harmless but letting her know i knew what she was implying

(from time to time she says suttle hurtful things)well after i

responded she got up and went crazy yelling and it all seemed very

fake to me i followered her upstairs trying to get a hold on things

and she kept grabing my shirt and pulling me around and then i

started getting angry next thing i know her son was crying and im the

perp and she and him the victum he talked to me like he was 21 and i

resonded like he was 21 (mistake i know)now she is at a hotel and im

the devil once more. i swear when she started yelling at me when this

first started it seemed so fake ive seen her mad and she wasnt in my

eyes she was trying to make it look like to her son that i was doing

something and she was so tired of me causing this but truthfully i

was just confused and not doing much of anything . she does this with

her ex and did long before i came around.i guess you can only see

myside since im telling it but why would anyone stage something so

mean?she is always saying she is scared i will leave her that she has

never really loved till me but this shit is insane. did she know if

she started some bs then pushed me id get mad and make a mistake?am i

insane and paranoid?i try my best to admit my wrongs and try to grow

and change but now im left with what i said to her son and im the bad

guy once again because thats what stands out.truthfully it never had

to happen in my eyes.please help me to understand im so used to being

the person in the wrong but with her something feels like i get

played a lot.does anyone understand? am i crazy? please be honest





------------------------------------



Panic Attacks cannot harm you!



Get our ebook on how to manage

panic attacks for no charge.

This ebook on Panic will help

you and your child understand

what and why Panic Attacks occur

and how to cope with them.



Take charge of your Panic Attacks now at



http://www.parentingtoolbox.com/nopanic.pdf

Yahoo! Groups Links













[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

thanks , i have a bad anger problem and i do a lot of things im ashamed of when

i lose it . i tend to blame her for starting these things in the first place and

its kinda like if it wasnt for you id never have done that and thats ducking the

blame i think. if she would stop being insane and causing problems out of

nothing all would be ok but truthfully i need to learn to stay calm and somewhat

sane through it all without getting so angry i freak out, mabye i just need to

be a bachlor



--- On Tue, 12/30/08, j rayno <hawaii062003@...> wrote:



From: j rayno <hawaii062003@...>

Subject: Re: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity

To: angertoolbox@yahoogroups.com

Date: Tuesday, December 30, 2008, 5:28 PM













Hi Dale....

 

I'm going to just guess here.  I had a similar relationship with my mom.  At

some point it doesn't matter who is right or wrong.  12 step program about

"blaming".  Yes, it gets complicated with children from another relationship.

...There were stages my son had, that triggered me, but I knew he had done

nothing wrong.  By the time it passed, I had no idea it was a trigger for me. 

(my pass)

 

When I started to analyze my relationship with (people) I thought I might have

some connection to people with alcoholics.  My mom did not drink, but acted the

same way as her siblings who did.  If it is dna or how we are raised, those 3

had that much in common.  They seemed to all treat their children the "same"

way.  Some of the details are not important as the results is....I had what you

have.  Relationships with some people just go that way.  Like it is written on

my forehead.... .lol

 

So I looked into Alanon, and found a lot of people behave this way, and it is up

to us if we recognize it, to leave.  Or we become "enablers".  Odd word, but I

guess we help them, and this is not in a good way.  I was raised in a family

similar to what you have described. Nothing seems to make things better...

 

I found I can only do what is right for me, and having the wrong people around

makes my job harder.  Hard choces have to be made.

 

or

 

 

you can get educated about this kind of behavior so you can defuse it, before it

gets out of hand.  Is she worth that?  Please don't stay for the children.  Part

of that equation is she has to see no matter what, she can not take you by the

shirt and drag you around like that.  That is so wrong.  That is "sick".  No

stranger would allow that....who does?  Would she do that to her kids?  Can she

see this?

 

I finally came to the realization, I can not help people that are "sick" and

don't want the help.  It is sad, from a woman's point of view, that she can not

see her behavior is not good for her child.  She needs to take responsibility

for her behavior and make it right too....

 

See if this helps:  anger is a stress relief from fear, pain, &/or shame.  Can

you pin point any events in her life that would make her act this way?  I hate

to say it, but is it a monthly thing?  (If you can pin point it to a monthly

thing, that is a different challenge.  But, if it is just is???....... ...she

has a problem.)  I imagine her anger can be triggered just like us....but the

anger has to be there first....... .I'd think?????  What is she really angry

about?

 

Perhaps the more we understand about our anger, they more we can understand

others, but what to do about it......I'd leave.  Once I found out what abuse is,

I'm never going to take it again.  Id rather be alone, or homeless.

 

Just speaking from experience, and see the results in my life........ ....this

(education) works.

J



 Volunteers don't necessarily have the time:

they just have the heart.

author unknown



____________ _________ _________ __

From: Dale <dhdmidnight96@ yahoo.com>

To: angertoolbox@ yahoogroups. com

Sent: Tuesday, December 30, 2008 12:14:56 PM

Subject: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity



hello all,

i think ive just been had. im not trying to get girlfriend advice or

anything juvenille im just lost again.as ive said in the past i have

issues and so does my girlfriend but either im going crazy(er) or she

plays me for some sick need.i will be completely honest and i ask the

same of anyone who responds. im not after having anyone tell me im

right i just need an outside opinion and im alone here and have

knowone to ask.this morning i came downstairs and my girlfriend and

the two boys were in the living room she was laying on the floor with

covers.im usually the one who gets up early with them but it was her

today.well all seemed ok i was laying on the floor with them, she may

have noticed a few looks on my face towards my stepson he is 7 but

very advanced and very annoying but i didnt say anything.she made a

commit about the son we share together saying i dont understand he

was in a good mood all morning till now and well the only difference

is i was with them now.it made me mad so i responded by saying

something harmless but letting her know i knew what she was implying

(from time to time she says suttle hurtful things)well after i

responded she got up and went crazy yelling and it all seemed very

fake to me i followered her upstairs trying to get a hold on things

and she kept grabing my shirt and pulling me around and then i

started getting angry next thing i know her son was crying and im the

perp and she and him the victum he talked to me like he was 21 and i

resonded like he was 21 (mistake i know)now she is at a hotel and im

the devil once more. i swear when she started yelling at me when this

first started it seemed so fake ive seen her mad and she wasnt in my

eyes she was trying to make it look like to her son that i was doing

something and she was so tired of me causing this but truthfully i

was just confused and not doing much of anything . she does this with

her ex and did long before i came around.i guess you can only see

myside since im telling it but why would anyone stage something so

mean?she is always saying she is scared i will leave her that she has

never really loved till me but this shit is insane. did she know if

she started some bs then pushed me id get mad and make a mistake?am i

insane and paranoid?i try my best to admit my wrongs and try to grow

and change but now im left with what i said to her son and im the bad

guy once again because thats what stands out.truthfully it never had

to happen in my eyes.please help me to understand im so used to being

the person in the wrong but with her something feels like i get

played a lot.does anyone understand? am i crazy? please be honest



------------ --------- --------- ------



Panic Attacks cannot harm you!



Get our ebook on how to manage

panic attacks for no charge.

This ebook on Panic will help

you and your child understand

what and why Panic Attacks occur

and how to cope with them.



Take charge of your Panic Attacks now at



http://www.parentin gtoolbox. com/nopanic. pdf

Yahoo! Groups Links



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]





































[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

i respect what ive read and thanks. i feel like a drunk trying to get sober in a

bar but its my family who i love dearly.in the past before i got sober i was

usually to blame i was with a different woman then one who was easy going i

guess but one i didnt connect with.ive felt like this is a test of sorts i mean

everyone always put up with me now im in their shoes and not handling it so good

in fact i suck at it.i love my girlfriend but she can only be nice and without a

fight for a few days then bam! out of no where she blindsides me with some

hateful remark and then the gloves come off and i screw up,man im tired at 42.



--- On Tue, 12/30/08, Dale D <dhdmidnight96@...> wrote:



From: Dale D <dhdmidnight96@...>

Subject: Re: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity

To: angertoolbox@yahoogroups.com

Date: Tuesday, December 30, 2008, 6:34 PM













thanks , i have a bad anger problem and i do a lot of things im ashamed of when

i lose it . i tend to blame her for starting these things in the first place and

its kinda like if it wasnt for you id never have done that and thats ducking the

blame i think. if she would stop being insane and causing problems out of

nothing all would be ok but truthfully i need to learn to stay calm and somewhat

sane through it all without getting so angry i freak out, mabye i just need to

be a bachlor



--- On Tue, 12/30/08, j rayno <hawaii062003@ yahoo.com> wrote:



From: j rayno <hawaii062003@ yahoo.com>

Subject: Re: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity

To: angertoolbox@ yahoogroups. com

Date: Tuesday, December 30, 2008, 5:28 PM



Hi Dale....

 

I'm going to just guess here.  I had a similar relationship with my mom.  At

some point it doesn't matter who is right or wrong.  12 step program about

"blaming".  Yes, it gets complicated with children from another relationship.

...There were stages my son had, that triggered me, but I knew he had done

nothing wrong.  By the time it passed, I had no idea it was a trigger for me. 

(my pass)

 

When I started to analyze my relationship with (people) I thought I might have

some connection to people with alcoholics.  My mom did not drink, but acted the

same way as her siblings who did.  If it is dna or how we are raised, those 3

had that much in common.  They seemed to all treat their children the "same"

way.  Some of the details are not important as the results is....I had what you

have.  Relationships with some people just go that way.  Like it is written on

my forehead.... .lol

 

So I looked into Alanon, and found a lot of people behave this way, and it is up

to us if we recognize it, to leave.  Or we become "enablers".  Odd word, but I

guess we help them, and this is not in a good way.  I was raised in a family

similar to what you have described. Nothing seems to make things better...

 

I found I can only do what is right for me, and having the wrong people around

makes my job harder.  Hard choces have to be made.

 

or

 

 

you can get educated about this kind of behavior so you can defuse it, before it

gets out of hand.  Is she worth that?  Please don't stay for the children.  Part

of that equation is she has to see no matter what, she can not take you by the

shirt and drag you around like that.  That is so wrong.  That is "sick".  No

stranger would allow that....who does?  Would she do that to her kids?  Can she

see this?

 

I finally came to the realization, I can not help people that are "sick" and

don't want the help.  It is sad, from a woman's point of view, that she can not

see her behavior is not good for her child.  She needs to take responsibility

for her behavior and make it right too....

 

See if this helps:  anger is a stress relief from fear, pain, &/or shame.  Can

you pin point any events in her life that would make her act this way?  I hate

to say it, but is it a monthly thing?  (If you can pin point it to a monthly

thing, that is a different challenge.  But, if it is just is???....... ...she

has a problem.)  I imagine her anger can be triggered just like us....but the

anger has to be there first....... .I'd think?????  What is she really angry

about?

 

Perhaps the more we understand about our anger, they more we can understand

others, but what to do about it......I'd leave.  Once I found out what abuse is,

I'm never going to take it again.  Id rather be alone, or homeless.

 

Just speaking from experience, and see the results in my life........ ....this

(education) works.

J



 Volunteers don't necessarily have the time:

they just have the heart.

author unknown



____________ _________ _________ __

From: Dale <dhdmidnight96@ yahoo.com>

To: angertoolbox@ yahoogroups. com

Sent: Tuesday, December 30, 2008 12:14:56 PM

Subject: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity



hello all,

i think ive just been had. im not trying to get girlfriend advice or

anything juvenille im just lost again.as ive said in the past i have

issues and so does my girlfriend but either im going crazy(er) or she

plays me for some sick need.i will be completely honest and i ask the

same of anyone who responds. im not after having anyone tell me im

right i just need an outside opinion and im alone here and have

knowone to ask.this morning i came downstairs and my girlfriend and

the two boys were in the living room she was laying on the floor with

covers.im usually the one who gets up early with them but it was her

today.well all seemed ok i was laying on the floor with them, she may

have noticed a few looks on my face towards my stepson he is 7 but

very advanced and very annoying but i didnt say anything.she made a

commit about the son we share together saying i dont understand he

was in a good mood all morning till now and well the only difference

is i was with them now.it made me mad so i responded by saying

something harmless but letting her know i knew what she was implying

(from time to time she says suttle hurtful things)well after i

responded she got up and went crazy yelling and it all seemed very

fake to me i followered her upstairs trying to get a hold on things

and she kept grabing my shirt and pulling me around and then i

started getting angry next thing i know her son was crying and im the

perp and she and him the victum he talked to me like he was 21 and i

resonded like he was 21 (mistake i know)now she is at a hotel and im

the devil once more. i swear when she started yelling at me when this

first started it seemed so fake ive seen her mad and she wasnt in my

eyes she was trying to make it look like to her son that i was doing

something and she was so tired of me causing this but truthfully i

was just confused and not doing much of anything . she does this with

her ex and did long before i came around.i guess you can only see

myside since im telling it but why would anyone stage something so

mean?she is always saying she is scared i will leave her that she has

never really loved till me but this shit is insane. did she know if

she started some bs then pushed me id get mad and make a mistake?am i

insane and paranoid?i try my best to admit my wrongs and try to grow

and change but now im left with what i said to her son and im the bad

guy once again because thats what stands out.truthfully it never had

to happen in my eyes.please help me to understand im so used to being

the person in the wrong but with her something feels like i get

played a lot.does anyone understand? am i crazy? please be honest



------------ --------- --------- ------



Panic Attacks cannot harm you!



Get our ebook on how to manage

panic attacks for no charge.

This ebook on Panic will help

you and your child understand

what and why Panic Attacks occur

and how to cope with them.



Take charge of your Panic Attacks now at



http://www.parentin gtoolbox. com/nopanic. pdf

Yahoo! Groups Links



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]





































[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

LOL...yea, the "fighting" made me tired too.......

 

But, see if you can remember when she goes off...is she in pain? (that was why I

thought of the monthly thing)  Is she frustrated?  (is life going the way she

wants it too) Is she fearful? (secrets we all might have fears of???)  

 

That was how I got pass my mom's behavior..I'm not sure I could have done it

when she was alive, but I still had to deal with my anger for her

after her passing.  I use that with  uncorrupted people in general (especially

rude drivers as I'm on the road a lot).  Helps me slow down and not get dragged

into it.

 

I found a really good book about our behavior and parts of the brain.  It is

possible if there was some head injury in her life...that could be the bad

guy?????  My nephew drowned, and died, but was brought back.  He ended up with

bi-polar which might be in the family, or the recreational drugs, or the drugs

they used to keep him in a coma till his body healed?????  But that boy was

always a challenge, like our son, so it may or may not be the results. 

Apparently there are tests to see how the brain works when "stressed".

 

I try to get sleep, water and eat right.  If I can focus on that, I'm taking

care of myself, and I'm better at dealing with people who have those "bad"

days....

 

Be safe......



 Volunteers don't necessarily have the time:

they just have the heart.

author unknown









________________________________

From: Dale D <dhdmidnight96@...>

To: angertoolbox@yahoogroups.com

Sent: Tuesday, December 30, 2008 5:47:25 PM

Subject: Re: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity



i respect what ive read and thanks. i feel like a drunk trying to get sober in a

bar but its my family who i love dearly.in the past before i got sober i was

usually to blame i was with a different woman then one who was easy going i

guess but one i didnt connect with.ive felt like this is a test of sorts i mean

everyone always put up with me now im in their shoes and not handling it so good

in fact i suck at it.i love my girlfriend but she can only be nice and without a

fight for a few days then bam! out of no where she blindsides me with some

hateful remark and then the gloves come off and i screw up,man im tired at 42.



--- On Tue, 12/30/08, Dale D <dhdmidnight96@...> wrote:



From: Dale D <dhdmidnight96@...>

Subject: Re: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity

To: angertoolbox@yahoogroups.com

Date: Tuesday, December 30, 2008, 6:34 PM













thanks , i have a bad anger problem and i do a lot of things im ashamed of when

i lose it . i tend to blame her for starting these things in the first place and

its kinda like if it wasnt for you id never have done that and thats ducking the

blame i think. if she would stop being insane and causing problems out of

nothing all would be ok but truthfully i need to learn to stay calm and somewhat

sane through it all without getting so angry i freak out, mabye i just need to

be a bachlor



--- On Tue, 12/30/08, j rayno <hawaii062003@ yahoo.com> wrote:



From: j rayno <hawaii062003@ yahoo.com>

Subject: Re: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity

To: angertoolbox@ yahoogroups. com

Date: Tuesday, December 30, 2008, 5:28 PM



Hi Dale....

 

I'm going to just guess here.  I had a similar relationship with my mom.  At

some point it doesn't matter who is right or wrong.  12 step program about

"blaming".  Yes, it gets complicated with children from another relationship.

...There were stages my son had, that triggered me, but I knew he had done

nothing wrong.  By the time it passed, I had no idea it was a trigger for me. 

(my pass)

 

When I started to analyze my relationship with (people) I thought I might have

some connection to people with alcoholics.  My mom did not drink, but acted the

same way as her siblings who did.  If it is dna or how we are raised, those 3

had that much in common.  They seemed to all treat their children the "same"

way.  Some of the details are not important as the results is....I had what you

have.  Relationships with some people just go that way.  Like it is written on

my forehead.... .lol

 

So I looked into Alanon, and found a lot of people behave this way, and it is up

to us if we recognize it, to leave.  Or we become "enablers".  Odd word, but I

guess we help them, and this is not in a good way.  I was raised in a family

similar to what you have described. Nothing seems to make things better...

 

I found I can only do what is right for me, and having the wrong people around

makes my job harder.  Hard choces have to be made.

 

or

 

 

you can get educated about this kind of behavior so you can defuse it, before it

gets out of hand.  Is she worth that?  Please don't stay for the children.  Part

of that equation is she has to see no matter what, she can not take you by the

shirt and drag you around like that.  That is so wrong.  That is "sick".  No

stranger would allow that....who does?  Would she do that to her kids?  Can she

see this?

 

I finally came to the realization, I can not help people that are "sick" and

don't want the help.  It is sad, from a woman's point of view, that she can not

see her behavior is not good for her child.  She needs to take responsibility

for her behavior and make it right too....

 

See if this helps:  anger is a stress relief from fear, pain, &/or shame.  Can

you pin point any events in her life that would make her act this way?  I hate

to say it, but is it a monthly thing?  (If you can pin point it to a monthly

thing, that is a different challenge.  But, if it is just is???....... ...she

has a problem.)  I imagine her anger can be triggered just like us....but the

anger has to be there first....... .I'd think?????  What is she really angry

about?

 

Perhaps the more we understand about our anger, they more we can understand

others, but what to do about it......I'd leave.  Once I found out what abuse is,

I'm never going to take it again.  Id rather be alone, or homeless.

 

Just speaking from experience, and see the results in my life........ ....this

(education) works.

J



 Volunteers don't necessarily have the time:

they just have the heart.

author unknown



____________ _________ _________ __

From: Dale <dhdmidnight96@ yahoo.com>

To: angertoolbox@ yahoogroups. com

Sent: Tuesday, December 30, 2008 12:14:56 PM

Subject: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity



hello all,

i think ive just been had. im not trying to get girlfriend advice or

anything juvenille im just lost again.as ive said in the past i have

issues and so does my girlfriend but either im going crazy(er) or she

plays me for some sick need.i will be completely honest and i ask the

same of anyone who responds. im not after having anyone tell me im

right i just need an outside opinion and im alone here and have

knowone to ask.this morning i came downstairs and my girlfriend and

the two boys were in the living room she was laying on the floor with

covers.im usually the one who gets up early with them but it was her

today.well all seemed ok i was laying on the floor with them, she may

have noticed a few looks on my face towards my stepson he is 7 but

very advanced and very annoying but i didnt say anything.she made a

commit about the son we share together saying i dont understand he

was in a good mood all morning till now and well the only difference

is i was with them now.it made me mad so i responded by saying

something harmless but letting her know i knew what she was implying

(from time to time she says suttle hurtful things)well after i

responded she got up and went crazy yelling and it all seemed very

fake to me i followered her upstairs trying to get a hold on things

and she kept grabing my shirt and pulling me around and then i

started getting angry next thing i know her son was crying and im the

perp and she and him the victum he talked to me like he was 21 and i

resonded like he was 21 (mistake i know)now she is at a hotel and im

the devil once more. i swear when she started yelling at me when this

first started it seemed so fake ive seen her mad and she wasnt in my

eyes she was trying to make it look like to her son that i was doing

something and she was so tired of me causing this but truthfully i

was just confused and not doing much of anything . she does this with

her ex and did long before i came around.i guess you can only see

myside since im telling it but why would anyone stage something so

mean?she is always saying she is scared i will leave her that she has

never really loved till me but this shit is insane. did she know if

she started some bs then pushed me id get mad and make a mistake?am i

insane and paranoid?i try my best to admit my wrongs and try to grow

and change but now im left with what i said to her son and im the bad

guy once again because thats what stands out.truthfully it never had

to happen in my eyes.please help me to understand im so used to being

the person in the wrong but with her something feels like i get

played a lot.does anyone understand? am i crazy? please be honest



------------ --------- --------- ------



Panic Attacks cannot harm you!



Get our ebook on how to manage

panic attacks for no charge.

This ebook on Panic will help

you and your child understand

what and why Panic Attacks occur

and how to cope with them.



Take charge of your Panic Attacks now at



http://www.parentin gtoolbox. com/nopanic. pdf

Yahoo! Groups Links



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

































     



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]





------------------------------------



Panic Attacks cannot harm you!



Get our ebook on how to manage

panic attacks for no charge.

This ebook on Panic will help

you and your child understand

what and why Panic Attacks occur

and how to cope with them.



Take charge of your Panic Attacks now at



http://www.parentingtoolbox.com/nopanic.pdf

Yahoo! Groups Links













[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

well it sucks im always left the bad guy and she gets off scott free this is her

house and she has custodity of our son , she causes fights i show up for it she

kicks me out its a common thing. no joke i really love her and she is the most

unhealthy person ive ever met but there is good there.



--- On Tue, 12/30/08, j rayno <hawaii062003@...> wrote:



From: j rayno <hawaii062003@...>

Subject: Re: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity

To: angertoolbox@yahoogroups.com

Date: Tuesday, December 30, 2008, 9:35 PM













LOL...yea, the "fighting" made me tired too.......

 

But, see if you can remember when she goes off...is she in pain? (that was why I

thought of the monthly thing)  Is she frustrated?  (is life going the way she

wants it too) Is she fearful? (secrets we all might have fears of???)  

 

That was how I got pass my mom's behavior..I' m not sure I could have done it

when she was alive, but I still had to deal with my anger for her

after her passing.  I use that with  uncorrupted people in general (especially

rude drivers as I'm on the road a lot).  Helps me slow down and not get dragged

into it.

 

I found a really good book about our behavior and parts of the brain.  It is

possible if there was some head injury in her life...that could be the bad

guy?????  My nephew drowned, and died, but was brought back.  He ended up with

bi-polar which might be in the family, or the recreational drugs, or the drugs

they used to keep him in a coma till his body healed?????  But that boy was

always a challenge, like our son, so it may or may not be the results. 

Apparently there are tests to see how the brain works when "stressed".

 

I try to get sleep, water and eat right.  If I can focus on that, I'm taking

care of myself, and I'm better at dealing with people who have those "bad"

days....

 

Be safe......



 Volunteers don't necessarily have the time:

they just have the heart.

author unknown



____________ _________ _________ __

From: Dale D <dhdmidnight96@ yahoo.com>

To: angertoolbox@ yahoogroups. com

Sent: Tuesday, December 30, 2008 5:47:25 PM

Subject: Re: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity



i respect what ive read and thanks. i feel like a drunk trying to get sober in a

bar but its my family who i love dearly.in the past before i got sober i was

usually to blame i was with a different woman then one who was easy going i

guess but one i didnt connect with.ive felt like this is a test of sorts i mean

everyone always put up with me now im in their shoes and not handling it so good

in fact i suck at it.i love my girlfriend but she can only be nice and without a

fight for a few days then bam! out of no where she blindsides me with some

hateful remark and then the gloves come off and i screw up,man im tired at 42.



--- On Tue, 12/30/08, Dale D <dhdmidnight96@ yahoo.com> wrote:



From: Dale D <dhdmidnight96@ yahoo.com>

Subject: Re: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity

To: angertoolbox@ yahoogroups. com

Date: Tuesday, December 30, 2008, 6:34 PM



thanks , i have a bad anger problem and i do a lot of things im ashamed of when

i lose it . i tend to blame her for starting these things in the first place and

its kinda like if it wasnt for you id never have done that and thats ducking the

blame i think. if she would stop being insane and causing problems out of

nothing all would be ok but truthfully i need to learn to stay calm and somewhat

sane through it all without getting so angry i freak out, mabye i just need to

be a bachlor



--- On Tue, 12/30/08, j rayno <hawaii062003@ yahoo.com> wrote:



From: j rayno <hawaii062003@ yahoo.com>

Subject: Re: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity

To: angertoolbox@ yahoogroups. com

Date: Tuesday, December 30, 2008, 5:28 PM



Hi Dale....

 

I'm going to just guess here.  I had a similar relationship with my mom.  At

some point it doesn't matter who is right or wrong.  12 step program about

"blaming".  Yes, it gets complicated with children from another relationship.

...There were stages my son had, that triggered me, but I knew he had done

nothing wrong.  By the time it passed, I had no idea it was a trigger for me. 

(my pass)

 

When I started to analyze my relationship with (people) I thought I might have

some connection to people with alcoholics.  My mom did not drink, but acted the

same way as her siblings who did.  If it is dna or how we are raised, those 3

had that much in common.  They seemed to all treat their children the "same"

way.  Some of the details are not important as the results is....I had what you

have.  Relationships with some people just go that way.  Like it is written on

my forehead.... .lol

 

So I looked into Alanon, and found a lot of people behave this way, and it is up

to us if we recognize it, to leave.  Or we become "enablers".  Odd word, but I

guess we help them, and this is not in a good way.  I was raised in a family

similar to what you have described. Nothing seems to make things better...

 

I found I can only do what is right for me, and having the wrong people around

makes my job harder.  Hard choces have to be made.

 

or

 

 

you can get educated about this kind of behavior so you can defuse it, before it

gets out of hand.  Is she worth that?  Please don't stay for the children.  Part

of that equation is she has to see no matter what, she can not take you by the

shirt and drag you around like that.  That is so wrong.  That is "sick".  No

stranger would allow that....who does?  Would she do that to her kids?  Can she

see this?

 

I finally came to the realization, I can not help people that are "sick" and

don't want the help.  It is sad, from a woman's point of view, that she can not

see her behavior is not good for her child.  She needs to take responsibility

for her behavior and make it right too....

 

See if this helps:  anger is a stress relief from fear, pain, &/or shame.  Can

you pin point any events in her life that would make her act this way?  I hate

to say it, but is it a monthly thing?  (If you can pin point it to a monthly

thing, that is a different challenge.  But, if it is just is???....... ...she

has a problem.)  I imagine her anger can be triggered just like us....but the

anger has to be there first....... .I'd think?????  What is she really angry

about?

 

Perhaps the more we understand about our anger, they more we can understand

others, but what to do about it......I'd leave.  Once I found out what abuse is,

I'm never going to take it again.  Id rather be alone, or homeless.

 

Just speaking from experience, and see the results in my life........ ....this

(education) works.

J



 Volunteers don't necessarily have the time:

they just have the heart.

author unknown



____________ _________ _________ __

From: Dale <dhdmidnight96@ yahoo.com>

To: angertoolbox@ yahoogroups. com

Sent: Tuesday, December 30, 2008 12:14:56 PM

Subject: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity



hello all,

i think ive just been had. im not trying to get girlfriend advice or

anything juvenille im just lost again.as ive said in the past i have

issues and so does my girlfriend but either im going crazy(er) or she

plays me for some sick need.i will be completely honest and i ask the

same of anyone who responds. im not after having anyone tell me im

right i just need an outside opinion and im alone here and have

knowone to ask.this morning i came downstairs and my girlfriend and

the two boys were in the living room she was laying on the floor with

covers.im usually the one who gets up early with them but it was her

today.well all seemed ok i was laying on the floor with them, she may

have noticed a few looks on my face towards my stepson he is 7 but

very advanced and very annoying but i didnt say anything.she made a

commit about the son we share together saying i dont understand he

was in a good mood all morning till now and well the only difference

is i was with them now.it made me mad so i responded by saying

something harmless but letting her know i knew what she was implying

(from time to time she says suttle hurtful things)well after i

responded she got up and went crazy yelling and it all seemed very

fake to me i followered her upstairs trying to get a hold on things

and she kept grabing my shirt and pulling me around and then i

started getting angry next thing i know her son was crying and im the

perp and she and him the victum he talked to me like he was 21 and i

resonded like he was 21 (mistake i know)now she is at a hotel and im

the devil once more. i swear when she started yelling at me when this

first started it seemed so fake ive seen her mad and she wasnt in my

eyes she was trying to make it look like to her son that i was doing

something and she was so tired of me causing this but truthfully i

was just confused and not doing much of anything . she does this with

her ex and did long before i came around.i guess you can only see

myside since im telling it but why would anyone stage something so

mean?she is always saying she is scared i will leave her that she has

never really loved till me but this shit is insane. did she know if

she started some bs then pushed me id get mad and make a mistake?am i

insane and paranoid?i try my best to admit my wrongs and try to grow

and change but now im left with what i said to her son and im the bad

guy once again because thats what stands out.truthfully it never had

to happen in my eyes.please help me to understand im so used to being

the person in the wrong but with her something feels like i get

played a lot.does anyone understand? am i crazy? please be honest



------------ --------- --------- ------



Panic Attacks cannot harm you!



Get our ebook on how to manage

panic attacks for no charge.

This ebook on Panic will help

you and your child understand

what and why Panic Attacks occur

and how to cope with them.



Take charge of your Panic Attacks now at



http://www.parentin gtoolbox. com/nopanic. pdf

Yahoo! Groups Links



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]



     



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]



------------ --------- --------- ------



Panic Attacks cannot harm you!



Get our ebook on how to manage

panic attacks for no charge.

This ebook on Panic will help

you and your child understand

what and why Panic Attacks occur

and how to cope with them.



Take charge of your Panic Attacks now at



http://www.parentin gtoolbox. com/nopanic. pdf

Yahoo! Groups Links



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]





































[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Dale,

First thing you need to do is ask yourself why you are with this

woman.  If she is as caustic towards you as you describe then why

stay?  What is it that makes you feel so strong to stay with the kind

of person that will treat you that way?  What have you done in your

life that makes you feel that is the only type of relationship that

you deserve?

There is a really good book by Jerold J. Kreisman entitled "I Hate

You Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Border Personality".  I don't

know you well enough to form any kind of diagnosis about you or your

significant other but maybe the book can give you some insights into

your own relationship.

I wish you the best with your struggle and I hope that you come to

realize that you are worth so much more than you give yourself credit

for.  Regardless of your struggles, lifestyle or choices, you are

always worth so much more than you, or anyone for that matter, could

possibly comprehend.

-Mel





--- In angertoolbox@yahoogroups.com, Dale D <dhdmidnight96@...> wrote:

>

> well it sucks im always left the bad guy and she gets off scott

free this is her house and she has custodity of our son , she causes

fights i show up for it she kicks me out its a common thing. no joke

i really love her and she is the most unhealthy person ive ever met

but there is good there.

>

> --- On Tue, 12/30/08, j rayno <hawaii062003@...> wrote:

>

> From: j rayno <hawaii062003@...>

> Subject: Re: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity

> To: angertoolbox@yahoogroups.com

> Date: Tuesday, December 30, 2008, 9:35 PM

>

>

>

>

>

>

> LOL...yea, the "fighting" made me tired too.......

>  

> But, see if you can remember when she goes off...is she in pain?

(that was why I thought of the monthly thing)  Is she frustrated? 

(is life going the way she wants it too) Is she fearful? (secrets we

all might have fears of???)  

>  

> That was how I got pass my mom's behavior..I' m not sure I could

have done it when she was alive, but I still had to deal with my

anger for her after her passing.  I use that with  uncorrupted people

in general (especially rude drivers as I'm on the road a lot).  Helps

me slow down and not get dragged into it.

>  

> I found a really good book about our behavior and parts of the

brain.  It is possible if there was some head injury in her

life...that could be the bad guy?????  My nephew drowned, and died,

but was brought back.  He ended up with bi-polar which might be in

the family, or the recreational drugs, or the drugs they used to keep

him in a coma till his body healed?????  But that boy was always a

challenge, like our son, so it may or may not be the results. 

Apparently there are tests to see how the brain works when "stressed".

>  

> I try to get sleep, water and eat right.  If I can focus on that,

I'm taking care of myself, and I'm better at dealing with people who

have those "bad" days....

>  

> Be safe......

>

>  Volunteers don't necessarily have the time:

> they just have the heart.

> author unknown

>

> ____________ _________ _________ __

> From: Dale D <dhdmidnight96@ yahoo.com>

> To: angertoolbox@ yahoogroups. com

> Sent: Tuesday, December 30, 2008 5:47:25 PM

> Subject: Re: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity

>

> i respect what ive read and thanks. i feel like a drunk trying to

get sober in a bar but its my family who i love dearly.in the past

before i got sober i was usually to blame i was with a different

woman then one who was easy going i guess but one i didnt connect

with.ive felt like this is a test of sorts i mean everyone always put

up with me now im in their shoes and not handling it so good in fact

i suck at it.i love my girlfriend but she can only be nice and

without a fight for a few days then bam! out of no where she

blindsides me with some hateful remark and then the gloves come off

and i screw up,man im tired at 42.

>

> --- On Tue, 12/30/08, Dale D <dhdmidnight96@ yahoo.com> wrote:

>

> From: Dale D <dhdmidnight96@ yahoo.com>

> Subject: Re: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity

> To: angertoolbox@ yahoogroups. com

> Date: Tuesday, December 30, 2008, 6:34 PM

>

> thanks , i have a bad anger problem and i do a lot of things im

ashamed of when i lose it . i tend to blame her for starting these

things in the first place and its kinda like if it wasnt for you id

never have done that and thats ducking the blame i think. if she

would stop being insane and causing problems out of nothing all would

be ok but truthfully i need to learn to stay calm and somewhat sane

through it all without getting so angry i freak out, mabye i just

need to be a bachlor

>

> --- On Tue, 12/30/08, j rayno <hawaii062003@ yahoo.com> wrote:

>

> From: j rayno <hawaii062003@ yahoo.com>

> Subject: Re: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity

> To: angertoolbox@ yahoogroups. com

> Date: Tuesday, December 30, 2008, 5:28 PM

>

> Hi Dale....

>  

> I'm going to just guess here.  I had a similar relationship with my

mom.  At some point it doesn't matter who is right or wrong.  12 step

program about "blaming".  Yes, it gets complicated with children from

another relationship. ...There were stages my son had, that triggered

me, but I knew he had done nothing wrong.  By the time it passed, I

had no idea it was a trigger for me.  (my pass)

>  

> When I started to analyze my relationship with (people) I thought I

might have some connection to people with alcoholics.  My mom did not

drink, but acted the same way as her siblings who did.  If it is dna

or how we are raised, those 3 had that much in common.  They seemed

to all treat their children the "same" way.  Some of the details are

not important as the results is....I had what you have. 

Relationships with some people just go that way.  Like it is written

on my forehead.... .lol

>  

> So I looked into Alanon, and found a lot of people behave this way,

and it is up to us if we recognize it, to leave.  Or we

become "enablers".  Odd word, but I guess we help them, and this is

not in a good way.  I was raised in a family similar to what you have

described. Nothing seems to make things better...

>  

> I found I can only do what is right for me, and having the wrong

people around makes my job harder.  Hard choces have to be made.

>  

> or

>  

>  

> you can get educated about this kind of behavior so you can defuse

it, before it gets out of hand.  Is she worth that?  Please don't

stay for the children.  Part of that equation is she has to see no

matter what, she can not take you by the shirt and drag you around

like that.  That is so wrong.  That is "sick".  No stranger would

allow that....who does?  Would she do that to her kids?  Can she see

this?

>  

> I finally came to the realization, I can not help people that

are "sick" and don't want the help.  It is sad, from a woman's point

of view, that she can not see her behavior is not good for her

child.  She needs to take responsibility for her behavior and make it

right too....

>  

> See if this helps:  anger is a stress relief from fear, pain, &/or

shame.  Can you pin point any events in her life that would make her

act this way?  I hate to say it, but is it a monthly thing?  (If you

can pin point it to a monthly thing, that is a different challenge. 

But, if it is just is???....... ...she has a problem.)  I imagine her

anger can be triggered just like us....but the anger has to be there

first....... .I'd think?????  What is she really angry about?

>  

> Perhaps the more we understand about our anger, they more we can

understand others, but what to do about it......I'd leave.  Once I

found out what abuse is, I'm never going to take it again.  Id rather

be alone, or homeless.

>  

> Just speaking from experience, and see the results in my

life........ ....this (education) works.

> J

>

>  Volunteers don't necessarily have the time:

> they just have the heart.

> author unknown

>

> ____________ _________ _________ __

> From: Dale <dhdmidnight96@ yahoo.com>

> To: angertoolbox@ yahoogroups. com

> Sent: Tuesday, December 30, 2008 12:14:56 PM

> Subject: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity

>

> hello all,

> i think ive just been had. im not trying to get girlfriend advice

or

> anything juvenille im just lost again.as ive said in the past i

have

> issues and so does my girlfriend but either im going crazy(er) or

she

> plays me for some sick need.i will be completely honest and i ask

the

> same of anyone who responds. im not after having anyone tell me im

> right i just need an outside opinion and im alone here and have

> knowone to ask.this morning i came downstairs and my girlfriend and

> the two boys were in the living room she was laying on the floor

with

> covers.im usually the one who gets up early with them but it was

her

> today.well all seemed ok i was laying on the floor with them, she

may

> have noticed a few looks on my face towards my stepson he is 7 but

> very advanced and very annoying but i didnt say anything.she made a

> commit about the son we share together saying i dont understand he

> was in a good mood all morning till now and well the only

difference

> is i was with them now.it made me mad so i responded by saying

> something harmless but letting her know i knew what she was implying

> (from time to time she says suttle hurtful things)well after i

> responded she got up and went crazy yelling and it all seemed very

> fake to me i followered her upstairs trying to get a hold on things

> and she kept grabing my shirt and pulling me around and then i

> started getting angry next thing i know her son was crying and im

the

> perp and she and him the victum he talked to me like he was 21 and

i

> resonded like he was 21 (mistake i know)now she is at a hotel and

im

> the devil once more. i swear when she started yelling at me when

this

> first started it seemed so fake ive seen her mad and she wasnt in

my

> eyes she was trying to make it look like to her son that i was

doing

> something and she was so tired of me causing this but truthfully i

> was just confused and not doing much of anything . she does this

with

> her ex and did long before i came around.i guess you can only see

> myside since im telling it but why would anyone stage something so

> mean?she is always saying she is scared i will leave her that she

has

> never really loved till me but this shit is insane. did she know if

> she started some bs then pushed me id get mad and make a mistake?am

i

> insane and paranoid?i try my best to admit my wrongs and try to

grow

> and change but now im left with what i said to her son and im the

bad

> guy once again because thats what stands out.truthfully it never

had

> to happen in my eyes.please help me to understand im so used to

being

> the person in the wrong but with her something feels like i get

> played a lot.does anyone understand? am i crazy? please be honest

>

> ------------ --------- --------- ------

>

> Panic Attacks cannot harm you!

>

> Get our ebook on how to manage

> panic attacks for no charge.

> This ebook on Panic will help

> you and your child understand

> what and why Panic Attacks occur

> and how to cope with them.

>

> Take charge of your Panic Attacks now at

>

> http://www.parentin gtoolbox. com/nopanic. pdf

> Yahoo! Groups Links

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

>

>      

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

>

> ------------ --------- --------- ------

>

> Panic Attacks cannot harm you!

>

> Get our ebook on how to manage

> panic attacks for no charge.

> This ebook on Panic will help

> you and your child understand

> what and why Panic Attacks occur

> and how to cope with them.

>

> Take charge of your Panic Attacks now at

>

> http://www.parentin gtoolbox. com/nopanic. pdf

> Yahoo! Groups Links

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

>

Yea............if you point the blame to others, see how much power that gives

them?  You give them the power over you? (that might help you stop and think

about it before do it next time???........lol)

 

Try your own routine.  My husband gets golf time, he gets his work time, he gets

his friend time, he even gets some sleep time, etc.  We don't have to be there

in your face all the time, 24 hr.  Men need association with other

men..........right? Sports, cars, ?????........etc.  Not other women.........lol

 

Even on the best circumstances, have you read, Men are from Mars and Women are

from Venius?  ..Funny, but a light way to look at things......lol

 

Sounds like you making some sense about what is happening.......





 Volunteers don't necessarily have the time:

they just have the heart.

author unknown









________________________________

From: Dale D <dhdmidnight96@...>

To: angertoolbox@yahoogroups.com

Sent: Tuesday, December 30, 2008 3:34:39 PM

Subject: Re: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity



thanks , i have a bad anger problem and i do a lot of things im ashamed of when

i lose it . i tend to blame her for starting these things in the first place and

its kinda like if it wasnt for you id never have done that and thats ducking the

blame i think. if she would stop being insane and causing problems out of

nothing all would be ok but truthfully i need to learn to stay calm and somewhat

sane through it all without getting so angry i freak out, mabye i just need to

be a bachlor



--- On Tue, 12/30/08, j rayno <hawaii062003@...> wrote:



From: j rayno <hawaii062003@...>

Subject: Re: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity

To: angertoolbox@yahoogroups.com

Date: Tuesday, December 30, 2008, 5:28 PM













Hi Dale....

 

I'm going to just guess here.  I had a similar relationship with my mom.  At

some point it doesn't matter who is right or wrong.  12 step program about

"blaming".  Yes, it gets complicated with children from another relationship.

...There were stages my son had, that triggered me, but I knew he had done

nothing wrong.  By the time it passed, I had no idea it was a trigger for me. 

(my pass)

 

When I started to analyze my relationship with (people) I thought I might have

some connection to people with alcoholics.  My mom did not drink, but acted the

same way as her siblings who did.  If it is dna or how we are raised, those 3

had that much in common.  They seemed to all treat their children the "same"

way.  Some of the details are not important as the results is....I had what you

have.  Relationships with some people just go that way.  Like it is written on

my forehead.... .lol

 

So I looked into Alanon, and found a lot of people behave this way, and it is up

to us if we recognize it, to leave.  Or we become "enablers".  Odd word, but I

guess we help them, and this is not in a good way.  I was raised in a family

similar to what you have described. Nothing seems to make things better...

 

I found I can only do what is right for me, and having the wrong people around

makes my job harder.  Hard choces have to be made.

 

or

 

 

you can get educated about this kind of behavior so you can defuse it, before it

gets out of hand.  Is she worth that?  Please don't stay for the children.  Part

of that equation is she has to see no matter what, she can not take you by the

shirt and drag you around like that.  That is so wrong.  That is "sick".  No

stranger would allow that....who does?  Would she do that to her kids?  Can she

see this?

 

I finally came to the realization, I can not help people that are "sick" and

don't want the help.  It is sad, from a woman's point of view, that she can not

see her behavior is not good for her child.  She needs to take responsibility

for her behavior and make it right too....

 

See if this helps:  anger is a stress relief from fear, pain, &/or shame.  Can

you pin point any events in her life that would make her act this way?  I hate

to say it, but is it a monthly thing?  (If you can pin point it to a monthly

thing, that is a different challenge.  But, if it is just is???....... ...she

has a problem.)  I imagine her anger can be triggered just like us....but the

anger has to be there first....... .I'd think?????  What is she really angry

about?

 

Perhaps the more we understand about our anger, they more we can understand

others, but what to do about it......I'd leave.  Once I found out what abuse is,

I'm never going to take it again.  Id rather be alone, or homeless.

 

Just speaking from experience, and see the results in my life........ ....this

(education) works.

J



 Volunteers don't necessarily have the time:

they just have the heart.

author unknown



____________ _________ _________ __

From: Dale <dhdmidnight96@ yahoo.com>

To: angertoolbox@ yahoogroups. com

Sent: Tuesday, December 30, 2008 12:14:56 PM

Subject: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity



hello all,

i think ive just been had. im not trying to get girlfriend advice or

anything juvenille im just lost again.as ive said in the past i have

issues and so does my girlfriend but either im going crazy(er) or she

plays me for some sick need.i will be completely honest and i ask the

same of anyone who responds. im not after having anyone tell me im

right i just need an outside opinion and im alone here and have

knowone to ask.this morning i came downstairs and my girlfriend and

the two boys were in the living room she was laying on the floor with

covers.im usually the one who gets up early with them but it was her

today.well all seemed ok i was laying on the floor with them, she may

have noticed a few looks on my face towards my stepson he is 7 but

very advanced and very annoying but i didnt say anything.she made a

commit about the son we share together saying i dont understand he

was in a good mood all morning till now and well the only difference

is i was with them now.it made me mad so i responded by saying

something harmless but letting her know i knew what she was implying

(from time to time she says suttle hurtful things)well after i

responded she got up and went crazy yelling and it all seemed very

fake to me i followered her upstairs trying to get a hold on things

and she kept grabing my shirt and pulling me around and then i

started getting angry next thing i know her son was crying and im the

perp and she and him the victum he talked to me like he was 21 and i

resonded like he was 21 (mistake i know)now she is at a hotel and im

the devil once more. i swear when she started yelling at me when this

first started it seemed so fake ive seen her mad and she wasnt in my

eyes she was trying to make it look like to her son that i was doing

something and she was so tired of me causing this but truthfully i

was just confused and not doing much of anything . she does this with

her ex and did long before i came around.i guess you can only see

myside since im telling it but why would anyone stage something so

mean?she is always saying she is scared i will leave her that she has

never really loved till me but this shit is insane. did she know if

she started some bs then pushed me id get mad and make a mistake?am i

insane and paranoid?i try my best to admit my wrongs and try to grow

and change but now im left with what i said to her son and im the bad

guy once again because thats what stands out.truthfully it never had

to happen in my eyes.please help me to understand im so used to being

the person in the wrong but with her something feels like i get

played a lot.does anyone understand? am i crazy? please be honest



------------ --------- --------- ------



Panic Attacks cannot harm you!



Get our ebook on how to manage

panic attacks for no charge.

This ebook on Panic will help

you and your child understand

what and why Panic Attacks occur

and how to cope with them.



Take charge of your Panic Attacks now at



http://www.parentin gtoolbox. com/nopanic. pdf

Yahoo! Groups Links



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

































     



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]





------------------------------------



Panic Attacks cannot harm you!



Get our ebook on how to manage

panic attacks for no charge.

This ebook on Panic will help

you and your child understand

what and why Panic Attacks occur

and how to cope with them.



Take charge of your Panic Attacks now at



http://www.parentingtoolbox.com/nopanic.pdf

Yahoo! Groups Links













[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Good luck...

Maybe talking about it, kind of thinking out loud, you will get answers that

will help with the healing...I know it happened that way with me.....

{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}

 Volunteers don't necessarily have the time:

they just have the heart.

author unknown









________________________________

From: Dale D <dhdmidnight96@...>

To: angertoolbox@yahoogroups.com

Sent: Tuesday, December 30, 2008 7:37:34 PM

Subject: Re: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity



well it sucks im always left the bad guy and she gets off scott free this is her

house and she has custodity of our son , she causes fights i show up for it she

kicks me out its a common thing. no joke i really love her and she is the most

unhealthy person ive ever met but there is good there.



--- On Tue, 12/30/08, j rayno <hawaii062003@...> wrote:



From: j rayno <hawaii062003@...>

Subject: Re: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity

To: angertoolbox@yahoogroups.com

Date: Tuesday, December 30, 2008, 9:35 PM













LOL...yea, the "fighting" made me tired too.......

 

But, see if you can remember when she goes off...is she in pain? (that was why I

thought of the monthly thing)  Is she frustrated?  (is life going the way she

wants it too) Is she fearful? (secrets we all might have fears of???)  

 

That was how I got pass my mom's behavior..I' m not sure I could have done it

when she was alive, but I still had to deal with my anger for her

after her passing.  I use that with  uncorrupted people in general (especially

rude drivers as I'm on the road a lot).  Helps me slow down and not get dragged

into it.

 

I found a really good book about our behavior and parts of the brain.  It is

possible if there was some head injury in her life...that could be the bad

guy?????  My nephew drowned, and died, but was brought back.  He ended up with

bi-polar which might be in the family, or the recreational drugs, or the drugs

they used to keep him in a coma till his body healed?????  But that boy was

always a challenge, like our son, so it may or may not be the results. 

Apparently there are tests to see how the brain works when "stressed".

 

I try to get sleep, water and eat right.  If I can focus on that, I'm taking

care of myself, and I'm better at dealing with people who have those "bad"

days....

 

Be safe......



 Volunteers don't necessarily have the time:

they just have the heart.

author unknown



____________ _________ _________ __

From: Dale D <dhdmidnight96@ yahoo.com>

To: angertoolbox@ yahoogroups. com

Sent: Tuesday, December 30, 2008 5:47:25 PM

Subject: Re: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity



i respect what ive read and thanks. i feel like a drunk trying to get sober in a

bar but its my family who i love dearly.in the past before i got sober i was

usually to blame i was with a different woman then one who was easy going i

guess but one i didnt connect with.ive felt like this is a test of sorts i mean

everyone always put up with me now im in their shoes and not handling it so good

in fact i suck at it.i love my girlfriend but she can only be nice and without a

fight for a few days then bam! out of no where she blindsides me with some

hateful remark and then the gloves come off and i screw up,man im tired at 42.



--- On Tue, 12/30/08, Dale D <dhdmidnight96@ yahoo.com> wrote:



From: Dale D <dhdmidnight96@ yahoo.com>

Subject: Re: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity

To: angertoolbox@ yahoogroups. com

Date: Tuesday, December 30, 2008, 6:34 PM



thanks , i have a bad anger problem and i do a lot of things im ashamed of when

i lose it . i tend to blame her for starting these things in the first place and

its kinda like if it wasnt for you id never have done that and thats ducking the

blame i think. if she would stop being insane and causing problems out of

nothing all would be ok but truthfully i need to learn to stay calm and somewhat

sane through it all without getting so angry i freak out, mabye i just need to

be a bachlor



--- On Tue, 12/30/08, j rayno <hawaii062003@ yahoo.com> wrote:



From: j rayno <hawaii062003@ yahoo.com>

Subject: Re: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity

To: angertoolbox@ yahoogroups. com

Date: Tuesday, December 30, 2008, 5:28 PM



Hi Dale....

 

I'm going to just guess here.  I had a similar relationship with my mom.  At

some point it doesn't matter who is right or wrong.  12 step program about

"blaming".  Yes, it gets complicated with children from another relationship.

...There were stages my son had, that triggered me, but I knew he had done

nothing wrong.  By the time it passed, I had no idea it was a trigger for me. 

(my pass)

 

When I started to analyze my relationship with (people) I thought I might have

some connection to people with alcoholics.  My mom did not drink, but acted the

same way as her siblings who did.  If it is dna or how we are raised, those 3

had that much in common.  They seemed to all treat their children the "same"

way.  Some of the details are not important as the results is....I had what you

have.  Relationships with some people just go that way.  Like it is written on

my forehead.... .lol

 

So I looked into Alanon, and found a lot of people behave this way, and it is up

to us if we recognize it, to leave.  Or we become "enablers".  Odd word, but I

guess we help them, and this is not in a good way.  I was raised in a family

similar to what you have described. Nothing seems to make things better...

 

I found I can only do what is right for me, and having the wrong people around

makes my job harder.  Hard choces have to be made.

 

or

 

 

you can get educated about this kind of behavior so you can defuse it, before it

gets out of hand.  Is she worth that?  Please don't stay for the children.  Part

of that equation is she has to see no matter what, she can not take you by the

shirt and drag you around like that.  That is so wrong.  That is "sick".  No

stranger would allow that....who does?  Would she do that to her kids?  Can she

see this?

 

I finally came to the realization, I can not help people that are "sick" and

don't want the help.  It is sad, from a woman's point of view, that she can not

see her behavior is not good for her child.  She needs to take responsibility

for her behavior and make it right too....

 

See if this helps:  anger is a stress relief from fear, pain, &/or shame.  Can

you pin point any events in her life that would make her act this way?  I hate

to say it, but is it a monthly thing?  (If you can pin point it to a monthly

thing, that is a different challenge.  But, if it is just is???....... ...she

has a problem.)  I imagine her anger can be triggered just like us....but the

anger has to be there first....... .I'd think?????  What is she really angry

about?

 

Perhaps the more we understand about our anger, they more we can understand

others, but what to do about it......I'd leave.  Once I found out what abuse is,

I'm never going to take it again.  Id rather be alone, or homeless.

 

Just speaking from experience, and see the results in my life........ ....this

(education) works.

J



 Volunteers don't necessarily have the time:

they just have the heart.

author unknown



____________ _________ _________ __

From: Dale <dhdmidnight96@ yahoo.com>

To: angertoolbox@ yahoogroups. com

Sent: Tuesday, December 30, 2008 12:14:56 PM

Subject: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity



hello all,

i think ive just been had. im not trying to get girlfriend advice or

anything juvenille im just lost again.as ive said in the past i have

issues and so does my girlfriend but either im going crazy(er) or she

plays me for some sick need.i will be completely honest and i ask the

same of anyone who responds. im not after having anyone tell me im

right i just need an outside opinion and im alone here and have

knowone to ask.this morning i came downstairs and my girlfriend and

the two boys were in the living room she was laying on the floor with

covers.im usually the one who gets up early with them but it was her

today.well all seemed ok i was laying on the floor with them, she may

have noticed a few looks on my face towards my stepson he is 7 but

very advanced and very annoying but i didnt say anything.she made a

commit about the son we share together saying i dont understand he

was in a good mood all morning till now and well the only difference

is i was with them now.it made me mad so i responded by saying

something harmless but letting her know i knew what she was implying

(from time to time she says suttle hurtful things)well after i

responded she got up and went crazy yelling and it all seemed very

fake to me i followered her upstairs trying to get a hold on things

and she kept grabing my shirt and pulling me around and then i

started getting angry next thing i know her son was crying and im the

perp and she and him the victum he talked to me like he was 21 and i

resonded like he was 21 (mistake i know)now she is at a hotel and im

the devil once more. i swear when she started yelling at me when this

first started it seemed so fake ive seen her mad and she wasnt in my

eyes she was trying to make it look like to her son that i was doing

something and she was so tired of me causing this but truthfully i

was just confused and not doing much of anything . she does this with

her ex and did long before i came around.i guess you can only see

myside since im telling it but why would anyone stage something so

mean?she is always saying she is scared i will leave her that she has

never really loved till me but this shit is insane. did she know if

she started some bs then pushed me id get mad and make a mistake?am i

insane and paranoid?i try my best to admit my wrongs and try to grow

and change but now im left with what i said to her son and im the bad

guy once again because thats what stands out.truthfully it never had

to happen in my eyes.please help me to understand im so used to being

the person in the wrong but with her something feels like i get

played a lot.does anyone understand? am i crazy? please be honest



------------ --------- --------- ------



Panic Attacks cannot harm you!



Get our ebook on how to manage

panic attacks for no charge.

This ebook on Panic will help

you and your child understand

what and why Panic Attacks occur

and how to cope with them.



Take charge of your Panic Attacks now at



http://www.parentin gtoolbox. com/nopanic. pdf

Yahoo! Groups Links



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]



     



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]



------------ --------- --------- ------



Panic Attacks cannot harm you!



Get our ebook on how to manage

panic attacks for no charge.

This ebook on Panic will help

you and your child understand

what and why Panic Attacks occur

and how to cope with them.



Take charge of your Panic Attacks now at



http://www.parentin gtoolbox. com/nopanic. pdf

Yahoo! Groups Links



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

































     



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]





------------------------------------



Panic Attacks cannot harm you!



Get our ebook on how to manage

panic attacks for no charge.

This ebook on Panic will help

you and your child understand

what and why Panic Attacks occur

and how to cope with them.



Take charge of your Panic Attacks now at



http://www.parentingtoolbox.com/nopanic.pdf

Yahoo! Groups Links













[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]