thanks,im just using evey avenue i can, prayer,books,etc anything to help my
mind slow down and stay aware that i need to change the way i think. when i was
first getting sober i soaked up all the knowledge i could because i was so
scared that i would return to drugs and alcohol and now i feel the same way
about returning to the way ive always been , angry and controling , one day at i
time. it was kinda cool last night being able to see and listen to my girlfriend
and really see her and really listen it was nice to get a glimpse into her
heart. God im terrified i dont want to go back to yesterday,easy does it they
say, love to all of you

--- On Mon, 1/5/09, Fishtail1776 (Julie) <jbparticipant@...> wrote:

From: Fishtail1776 (Julie) <jbparticipant@...>
Subject: Re: [angertoolbox support group] the truth
To: angertoolbox@yahoogroups.com
Date: Monday, January 5, 2009, 10:09 PM






I appreciate your  help. Trying to let go of rage is hard. I know for me the
best thing to do is to try not to justify it. Also, I have to hang around as
many positive people as I can. I myself am glad I am not  married, because I can
take time on my own to fix this problem.

I also can hopefully hang around people that I know I can respect. I know part
of my rage comes in making decisions that cause me to hate myself and sometimes
I take out that hate on others.

I realize if I am not happy with the way I am living my life I cannot change
anyone else. I think for me the rage comes when I realize I am not happy in a
situation, and instead of just letting it go (which is very hard to do) I try to
hang on.

I try to hang on hoping the other will comly with my wishes. When they don't it
upsets me. However, I realize mostly what is upsetting is the possibility that I
may have to be alone for awhile if I am not happy with myself or my partner.

That is what I am struggling with right now. I am not saying my partner is to
blame. Nor am I saying that another person can make me happy.

However, if I am trying to change my behavior and the other person doesn't
believe in me it is harder to change. I myself have decided I have to do this on
my own by my self. I find it hard to be around people who do'nt believe in  me.

I think those are the type of people that are most detrimental to my recovery.

 

____________ _________ _________ __
From: Dale <dhdmidnight96@ yahoo.com>
To: angertoolbox@ yahoogroups. com
Sent: Wednesday, December 31, 2008 3:44:09 PM
Subject: [angertoolbox support group] the truth

i post a lot about my relationship problems and mention my girlfriends
contribution to my anger but i gotta get honest. This is about me ,
when i get angry sometimes i get very mean i feel like i want the
person hurting or agrivating me to stop i panic and forget that im
dealing with someone i love and at times become very mean with my
actions and words and when its over typically im remorceful,very
remorceful. I want to learn to stop.I know i developed this hateful
rage as a child to deal with my mother but im real tired of playing
that escuse over and over in my mind i just want out. I want to be a
good, gentle,loving man who is not cursed with this vicious nastyness
in his heart but i need the tools or advice on how to start healing and
changing , someone please help.

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