Good luck...
Maybe talking about it, kind of thinking out loud, you will get answers that
will help with the healing...I know it happened that way with me.....
{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}
 Volunteers don't necessarily have the time:
they just have the heart.
author unknown




________________________________
From: Dale D <dhdmidnight96@...>
To: angertoolbox@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Tuesday, December 30, 2008 7:37:34 PM
Subject: Re: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity

well it sucks im always left the bad guy and she gets off scott free this is her
house and she has custodity of our son , she causes fights i show up for it she
kicks me out its a common thing. no joke i really love her and she is the most
unhealthy person ive ever met but there is good there.

--- On Tue, 12/30/08, j rayno <hawaii062003@...> wrote:

From: j rayno <hawaii062003@...>
Subject: Re: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity
To: angertoolbox@yahoogroups.com
Date: Tuesday, December 30, 2008, 9:35 PM






LOL...yea, the "fighting" made me tired too.......
 
But, see if you can remember when she goes off...is she in pain? (that was why I
thought of the monthly thing)  Is she frustrated?  (is life going the way she
wants it too) Is she fearful? (secrets we all might have fears of???)  
 
That was how I got pass my mom's behavior..I' m not sure I could have done it
when she was alive, but I still had to deal with my anger for her
after her passing.  I use that with  uncorrupted people in general (especially
rude drivers as I'm on the road a lot).  Helps me slow down and not get dragged
into it.
 
I found a really good book about our behavior and parts of the brain.  It is
possible if there was some head injury in her life...that could be the bad
guy?????  My nephew drowned, and died, but was brought back.  He ended up with
bi-polar which might be in the family, or the recreational drugs, or the drugs
they used to keep him in a coma till his body healed?????  But that boy was
always a challenge, like our son, so it may or may not be the results. 
Apparently there are tests to see how the brain works when "stressed".
 
I try to get sleep, water and eat right.  If I can focus on that, I'm taking
care of myself, and I'm better at dealing with people who have those "bad"
days....
 
Be safe......

 Volunteers don't necessarily have the time:
they just have the heart.
author unknown

____________ _________ _________ __
From: Dale D <dhdmidnight96@ yahoo.com>
To: angertoolbox@ yahoogroups. com
Sent: Tuesday, December 30, 2008 5:47:25 PM
Subject: Re: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity

i respect what ive read and thanks. i feel like a drunk trying to get sober in a
bar but its my family who i love dearly.in the past before i got sober i was
usually to blame i was with a different woman then one who was easy going i
guess but one i didnt connect with.ive felt like this is a test of sorts i mean
everyone always put up with me now im in their shoes and not handling it so good
in fact i suck at it.i love my girlfriend but she can only be nice and without a
fight for a few days then bam! out of no where she blindsides me with some
hateful remark and then the gloves come off and i screw up,man im tired at 42.

--- On Tue, 12/30/08, Dale D <dhdmidnight96@ yahoo.com> wrote:

From: Dale D <dhdmidnight96@ yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity
To: angertoolbox@ yahoogroups. com
Date: Tuesday, December 30, 2008, 6:34 PM

thanks , i have a bad anger problem and i do a lot of things im ashamed of when
i lose it . i tend to blame her for starting these things in the first place and
its kinda like if it wasnt for you id never have done that and thats ducking the
blame i think. if she would stop being insane and causing problems out of
nothing all would be ok but truthfully i need to learn to stay calm and somewhat
sane through it all without getting so angry i freak out, mabye i just need to
be a bachlor

--- On Tue, 12/30/08, j rayno <hawaii062003@ yahoo.com> wrote:

From: j rayno <hawaii062003@ yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity
To: angertoolbox@ yahoogroups. com
Date: Tuesday, December 30, 2008, 5:28 PM

Hi Dale....
 
I'm going to just guess here.  I had a similar relationship with my mom.  At
some point it doesn't matter who is right or wrong.  12 step program about
"blaming".  Yes, it gets complicated with children from another relationship.
...There were stages my son had, that triggered me, but I knew he had done
nothing wrong.  By the time it passed, I had no idea it was a trigger for me. 
(my pass)
 
When I started to analyze my relationship with (people) I thought I might have
some connection to people with alcoholics.  My mom did not drink, but acted the
same way as her siblings who did.  If it is dna or how we are raised, those 3
had that much in common.  They seemed to all treat their children the "same"
way.  Some of the details are not important as the results is....I had what you
have.  Relationships with some people just go that way.  Like it is written on
my forehead.... .lol
 
So I looked into Alanon, and found a lot of people behave this way, and it is up
to us if we recognize it, to leave.  Or we become "enablers".  Odd word, but I
guess we help them, and this is not in a good way.  I was raised in a family
similar to what you have described. Nothing seems to make things better...
 
I found I can only do what is right for me, and having the wrong people around
makes my job harder.  Hard choces have to be made.
 
or
 
 
you can get educated about this kind of behavior so you can defuse it, before it
gets out of hand.  Is she worth that?  Please don't stay for the children.  Part
of that equation is she has to see no matter what, she can not take you by the
shirt and drag you around like that.  That is so wrong.  That is "sick".  No
stranger would allow that....who does?  Would she do that to her kids?  Can she
see this?
 
I finally came to the realization, I can not help people that are "sick" and
don't want the help.  It is sad, from a woman's point of view, that she can not
see her behavior is not good for her child.  She needs to take responsibility
for her behavior and make it right too....
 
See if this helps:  anger is a stress relief from fear, pain, &/or shame.  Can
you pin point any events in her life that would make her act this way?  I hate
to say it, but is it a monthly thing?  (If you can pin point it to a monthly
thing, that is a different challenge.  But, if it is just is???....... ...she
has a problem.)  I imagine her anger can be triggered just like us....but the
anger has to be there first....... .I'd think?????  What is she really angry
about?
 
Perhaps the more we understand about our anger, they more we can understand
others, but what to do about it......I'd leave.  Once I found out what abuse is,
I'm never going to take it again.  Id rather be alone, or homeless.
 
Just speaking from experience, and see the results in my life........ ....this
(education) works.
J

 Volunteers don't necessarily have the time:
they just have the heart.
author unknown

____________ _________ _________ __
From: Dale <dhdmidnight96@ yahoo.com>
To: angertoolbox@ yahoogroups. com
Sent: Tuesday, December 30, 2008 12:14:56 PM
Subject: [angertoolbox support group] my sanity

hello all,
i think ive just been had. im not trying to get girlfriend advice or
anything juvenille im just lost again.as ive said in the past i have
issues and so does my girlfriend but either im going crazy(er) or she
plays me for some sick need.i will be completely honest and i ask the
same of anyone who responds. im not after having anyone tell me im
right i just need an outside opinion and im alone here and have
knowone to ask.this morning i came downstairs and my girlfriend and
the two boys were in the living room she was laying on the floor with
covers.im usually the one who gets up early with them but it was her
today.well all seemed ok i was laying on the floor with them, she may
have noticed a few looks on my face towards my stepson he is 7 but
very advanced and very annoying but i didnt say anything.she made a
commit about the son we share together saying i dont understand he
was in a good mood all morning till now and well the only difference
is i was with them now.it made me mad so i responded by saying
something harmless but letting her know i knew what she was implying
(from time to time she says suttle hurtful things)well after i
responded she got up and went crazy yelling and it all seemed very
fake to me i followered her upstairs trying to get a hold on things
and she kept grabing my shirt and pulling me around and then i
started getting angry next thing i know her son was crying and im the
perp and she and him the victum he talked to me like he was 21 and i
resonded like he was 21 (mistake i know)now she is at a hotel and im
the devil once more. i swear when she started yelling at me when this
first started it seemed so fake ive seen her mad and she wasnt in my
eyes she was trying to make it look like to her son that i was doing
something and she was so tired of me causing this but truthfully i
was just confused and not doing much of anything . she does this with
her ex and did long before i came around.i guess you can only see
myside since im telling it but why would anyone stage something so
mean?she is always saying she is scared i will leave her that she has
never really loved till me but this shit is insane. did she know if
she started some bs then pushed me id get mad and make a mistake?am i
insane and paranoid?i try my best to admit my wrongs and try to grow
and change but now im left with what i said to her son and im the bad
guy once again because thats what stands out.truthfully it never had
to happen in my eyes.please help me to understand im so used to being
the person in the wrong but with her something feels like i get
played a lot.does anyone understand? am i crazy? please be honest

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Panic Attacks cannot harm you!

Get our ebook on how to manage
panic attacks for no charge.
This ebook on Panic will help
you and your child understand
what and why Panic Attacks occur
and how to cope with them.

Take charge of your Panic Attacks now at

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