I don't know why I am an alcoholic, especially when the rest of my
immediate family does not seem to have a problem. I did spend the
first 8 years of sobriety blaming my weakness for this disease, but
not really understanding that either, since I seemed to have all
kinds of control in other areas.

A smoker doesn't 'want' to choose cancer, but certainly chooses to
lower the risk of cancer by quitting. In that respect, I do have
some control of how much risk I am assuming by my behavior. My
disease of alcholism certainly does not come to full strength at the
first ounce of alcohol. As a matter of fact I have no idea what
exact amount causes the disease to take over. I do know that there
IS a point when I am no longer in control of how much I will drink.
When I choose to take the first drink I am assuming a greater risk
that I will loose control.

I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else. It's late and past
my bedtime. I guess I just mean that I believe that this disease is
a real disease, and that I do have control over how much risk I want
to assume ie: do I want to risk it taking over by taking one ounce
of alcohol? That is my personal understanding of the disease of
alcoholism.

Deb K.