--- In anewbeginning2@yahoogroups.com, purplejune <no_reply@...>
wrote:
>
> H walked out of rehab a couple of weeks ago. I have no way to tell
if
> is reason for doing so is reasonable or not. But when called to ask
> me to pick him up, I refused. I told him he still has to fix the
mess
> he created. Job, bills, legal problems have to be under control
> before he can come home. He had to go to NJ SS Dept and get help.
>
> Since Sunday is Father's Day, we'll drive down there to visit on
> Saturday. He wants us to spend the night, but I just don't want
to.
> I'm not sure we have enough to talk about for that long a period of
> time. We have no money, so I'm bringing a propane grill and some
> food and we'll cook.
>
> Sometimes I feel awful for him because personally, if I was in the
> same situation, I don't even know how I could begin to clear things
up.
>
> I think his family is upset that I won't let him come home. I wish
> that I could help them to understand my position. But the fact that
> they don't is not enough to change my mind.
>
> Since he was so successful at playing me for so long, I have no way
to
> tell now. I have to see hard evidence that he's doing things
> differently now. I have to see him paying his bills, working, and
> experience him telling me the WHOLE truth for a while before I'd be
> willing to risk my peace of mind having him back in the house.
>
> I have seen families go through this ringer time after time waiting
> for someone to clean-up/sober-up, get their act together. I can't
do
> that. I pray and I hope that he can do. But right now, I am not
> willing to risk my peace betting for it. To be honest the drugs and
> gambling scare me more than if he had drank.
>
> I am not a drug addict and I don't gamble. I can intellectually
state
> that 'it's all the same' but I have seen how much more difficult
> recovery is when drugs are involved. A recovering heroine addict
told
> me once that after 20 years of being clean the sight of a needle
still
> gave him a rush in a way that a beer can couldn't! And gambling -
the
> problem with that is that it's so easy to hide! There's nothing on
> the breath, no stumbling, or slurring of words - its too easy to
hide
> for too long!
>
My prayers will be with you.