H walked out of rehab a couple of weeks ago. I have no way to tell if
is reason for doing so is reasonable or not. But when called to ask
me to pick him up, I refused. I told him he still has to fix the mess
he created. Job, bills, legal problems have to be under control
before he can come home. He had to go to NJ SS Dept and get help.

Since Sunday is Father's Day, we'll drive down there to visit on
Saturday. He wants us to spend the night, but I just don't want to.
I'm not sure we have enough to talk about for that long a period of
time. We have no money, so I'm bringing a propane grill and some
food and we'll cook.

Sometimes I feel awful for him because personally, if I was in the
same situation, I don't even know how I could begin to clear things up.

I think his family is upset that I won't let him come home. I wish
that I could help them to understand my position. But the fact that
they don't is not enough to change my mind.

Since he was so successful at playing me for so long, I have no way to
tell now. I have to see hard evidence that he's doing things
differently now. I have to see him paying his bills, working, and
experience him telling me the WHOLE truth for a while before I'd be
willing to risk my peace of mind having him back in the house.

I have seen families go through this ringer time after time waiting
for someone to clean-up/sober-up, get their act together. I can't do
that. I pray and I hope that he can do. But right now, I am not
willing to risk my peace betting for it. To be honest the drugs and
gambling scare me more than if he had drank.

I am not a drug addict and I don't gamble. I can intellectually state
that 'it's all the same' but I have seen how much more difficult
recovery is when drugs are involved. A recovering heroine addict told
me once that after 20 years of being clean the sight of a needle still
gave him a rush in a way that a beer can couldn't! And gambling - the
problem with that is that it's so easy to hide! There's nothing on
the breath, no stumbling, or slurring of words - its too easy to hide
for too long!