As to handling the 'personal agenda' of others: I, too, have no
patience with those who believe that they are privy to the 'rules' of
sobriety. IMHO it is unfortunate when the culture of the group
requires one to keep secrets.

I subscribe to the belief the we are only as sick as our secrets.
Years ago I was hurt at work and endures months of agony because I
refused to take anything stronger than tylenol or ibupofren. finally,
someone wiser than me pointed out that when jumping out the window is
looking good, it's time for some pain relief. I was prescribed
Vicodin. I was also advised to make sure my sponsor knew and to make
sure that I shared about taking the painkiller. This way I would have
the support of those who care about me and understand my situation.
I was told by many people that if I was truly sober I wouldn't need
pain killers. I was still pretty young in the program sober about 4
years and the emotional bender that keeping that secret caused could
have sent me back to the bottle if I had not had an excellent support
system.

I had one man tell me that if I was REALLY sober, I'd have my wisdom
teeth taken out without even Novocain! What! Now, I do admit that I
did enjoy the anesthetic - my sponsor told me that was a 'freebie'
LOL! But I just laughed at people who tried to tell me that my oral
surgery was a slip. By then I knew that if the anesthetic from
surgery was going to send me out it was more a matter of me just
waiting for the appropriate excuse.