WOW! I just read the "NEWSWEEK" article that Lewie suggested. I should
say I'm suprised, but I'm not.

I called the A.A. hotline when I knew my life had to change or end. I'll
always be grateful to "Stan" that took my call. He got me to my first
meeting, and really kept me going longer than I think I normally would
have. I'm also grateful for "open" meetings, that allowed my husband to
come along with me for support. I live in a VERY small town, and we have
quite a number of meetings available for the size of this town. I'm sure
just like allot of places, the meetings are either hardcore (don't even
take an asprin) to, (well if you smoke a joint once in awhile it's no
big whoop). I chose the hardcore, because I didn't want any
"wishy-washy" b-s. Little did I know that not taking an asprin, also
meant do away with ANY and ALL prescribed medications.

I have allot of medical problems that were there BEFORE I started
drinking. I have Lupus, and I suffer from seizures. I'm also chronically
depressed, which is handled through medication. When I take my meds. I
feel "normal", I may have a bad day once in awhile, but they're bad
days, not suicidal. Even without medication, I kept my depression to
myself. I've never felt like anyone wants to hear a "whiner". So,
already having depression and then being an alcoholic, I've slipped in
to some VERY dark places.

About 6mos. into my sobriety, one of the "old timers" came to me one day
and said I seemed particularly happy. I told her that my doctor had
finally gotten my medicine adjusted and I felt great. I had never shared
my medical past with the group. And I don't think I ever needed to after
this paticular person found out, as she was really good at putting
everyone's business out there for all to critique. In no uncertain
terms, I was told that I was NOT working the "program correctly"
otherwise I wouldn't need ANY prescriptions! My first instinct was to be
pissed. I don't offer unsolicited advice, and I don't appreciate it
offered to me. Especially from someone who doesen't know my medical
history. My doctor knows my addictive personality, and would not even
prescribe a low dose of Zanax for panic attacks. Instead, he got me to a
therapist that taught me how to reconize what triggers my attacks and if
I can do something about it, do it. If I can't, then let it go because
there is no sense in freaking out over something in which you have no
control. That works for me,it doesn't mean it'll work for everyone.

Back to the hardcore group. I went a few more times after that, and
everytime this "person" saw me, she had someting to say about
prescription medicine. After I told her off,( I'm easy going, but don't
keep testing me.) I felt like trying out a few other groups. I did find
a woman's group that I enjoyed but I just felt less and less like going.
Everyone told me that 6 mos. without a meeting and I'd be back drinking.
That's going on 1 1/2yrs. I stay sober through the grace of God, and the
support and prayers of my husband and the people that love me. And, also
I have a VERY SRONG STUBBORN STREAK. I DO NOT WANT TO DRINK ANYMORE. I
don't go around people that drink, not because I'm afraid I'll drink.
But because I don't enjoy it. I can't stand the smell of it. In the
almost 2yrs. of sobriety, I've had a few trying times, that would have
been a perfect excuse for a drink, and that was the farthest thing from
my mind. On my 1yr. birthday of sobriety, my best friends daughter was
found dead from alcohol poisening at the age of 32. My friend's way of
dealing with this has been to crawl into any bottle she can find, and my
sister decided to join her. As recently as a month ago, we were faced
with the fact that my husband may have cancer. We got the news last week
that he doesn't. THANK GOD. And, I never wanted a drink. I had 47yrs. of
falling apart and getting drunk, it's my turn to be strong in times of
need.

What I'm saying here, is everyone is different. Some will need to
continue to go to meetings, and it's wonderful that the meetings are
there. I may need to go again someday, and I'm thankful to know they'll
be there for me. I'm thankful there are groups like this, for those of
us that want to share, but don't drive, and/or prefer to stay in our own
homes. I just wish that some of the people in some of the groups didn't
have an agenda. I wish there were'nt people that want to control every
aspect of a newcomers life, cause that's when you're most vunerable.

Did I also mention I wish for world peace? Thank God we're all
different. And thanks for letting my peice be heard, or read as it may
be.


Jiane



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