It's been five days since I lost my son. I was 19 weeks pregnant. He
had aneencephaly. It's 5 am and I haven't slept a wink. The only way to
sleep these days is to take ambien. I chose not to take it last night
because my husband hasn't been able to sleep with my heavy snoring. So
here I am. Looking for answers. Looking for support. Looking for an
outlet. Sunday was a bad day for me. I had the strongest desire to
nurture my newborn. I just wanted to hold him in my arms, snuggle, and
nurse him. How do you birth your baby and not get to be with him
afterwards. I don't know how to fix this. I feel like jumping out my
skin to scream. I feel like changing my identity and escaping, moving
to a place where no one knew I was ever pregnant and so thrilled to be.
It's so weird that I had peace about it until yesterday. Now I'm just
depressed. Any advice?

Mama to Liko (15 months old) and Kai (my angel in heaven)