--- In anencephaly@yahoogroups.com, "Jeni" <jeni_aman@...> wrote:
>
> I never post, but sometimes lurk, here. I lost my son, Blaise, to
> anencephaly at 18 weeks on August 17 last year. The one year
> anniversary/birthday is coming up, and I have been thinking of him
> and feeling very emotional about it. We want to get our family
> together and do something special to remember him. Does anyone
have
> any suggestions?
>
> We have been trying to get pregnant again ever since we lost him,
to
> no avail. I have been taking Clomid, HCG trigger shots, had an
HSG,
> no luck. My OB claims it's all because of stres, but it's been
> almost a year, and I think it is from the two surgeries I had
after
> delivering the baby (D&C, S&C for retained placenta). I am seeing
an
> RE an hour and a half away in a week and a half, can't wait.
Anyway,
> the stress and disappointment of not being able to be pregnant
again
> yet makes the grieving process even worse. Is anyone else going
> through this?
>
> Thanks for listening; I sure do still feel desperate, depressed,
and
> alone sometimes. A lot of people don't understand why I'm
not "over
> it" or "the same" after a year has passed. To those of you who
have
> a fresher loss, I will say and promise you that it had gotten
easier.
> Happiness returns in short bursts at first, and by now I am
primarily
> happy with just really sad times.
>
> My thoughts are with all of you, as we have all suffered the most
> precious loss. Who knew it could be this painful?
>
> Jeni
>
Jeni, I'm so sorry for your loss. My daughter Isabella died on 11-04-
04. I have two other daughter, 9 & 10. I can understand the way you
feel, sometimes people say to me that I'm the same person anymore,
that I seem different. I don't sit around my house depress all the
time but I do agree, I'm different. I don't think I'll ever be the
same since my baby's death. There will always be something missing
in my life. How can people except me to forget and go on like
nothing ever happen. This is why I love this site because I feel
that this is the only place where you find people who understand.
You wanted some suggestions on what to do on the one year
anniversary , I know this is a day late, but I just read your
message. I don't know how this sounds, but it helps me. The first
year I was so upset, all I could think about was how unfair this
was, on my other daughters' b-day I would be picking up a cake and
getting ready to celebrate. I was really depress, until I went to
get a cake for Isabella, just my husband, myself and my girls went
to the cemetery. We took balloons and flowers, sang Happy Birthday
and cut the cake. I left a piece there on her grave. This help me.
and on around Christmas time I go buy an angel.I have three angels
so far on my shelf. You have to find something that you are
comfortable with and that is going to make you feel better. You dont
have to tell anybody anything. Some people think I'm collecting
angels, they understand why I buy them only once a year. I dont say
anything this for me, I get it and if one else gets it o'well. I'm
sorry if this so long. Hope I could be of a little help. Good luck
on trying for another baby. I'm sure everything will turn out
okay.