I never post, but sometimes lurk, here. I lost my son, Blaise, to
anencephaly at 18 weeks on August 17 last year. The one year
anniversary/birthday is coming up, and I have been thinking of him
and feeling very emotional about it. We want to get our family
together and do something special to remember him. Does anyone have
any suggestions?

We have been trying to get pregnant again ever since we lost him, to
no avail. I have been taking Clomid, HCG trigger shots, had an HSG,
no luck. My OB claims it's all because of stres, but it's been
almost a year, and I think it is from the two surgeries I had after
delivering the baby (D&C, S&C for retained placenta). I am seeing an
RE an hour and a half away in a week and a half, can't wait. Anyway,
the stress and disappointment of not being able to be pregnant again
yet makes the grieving process even worse. Is anyone else going
through this?

Thanks for listening; I sure do still feel desperate, depressed, and
alone sometimes. A lot of people don't understand why I'm not "over
it" or "the same" after a year has passed. To those of you who have
a fresher loss, I will say and promise you that it had gotten easier.
Happiness returns in short bursts at first, and by now I am primarily
happy with just really sad times.

My thoughts are with all of you, as we have all suffered the most
precious loss. Who knew it could be this painful?

Jeni