I carried my daughter to term and never once regretted the decision.
She was stillborn, but you don't know how all of that will work itself
out anyway. You may have a chance to hold a living child in your
arms. It didn't work out that way for me and my husband. I didn't
terminate because already felt connected to her and couldn't bring
myself to be the one to stop her life as it was. I know it is
difficult and there are days when I just cried because I couldn't fix
my baby or hold her while she was alive. People will ask at WalMart
about the nursery or other "normal" questions that pregnant women get.
The questions hurt but the people don't know or understand. Before
Lyna, it never occurred to me that being pregnant could have a sad
outcome.

Being pregnant is a public event. I taught at the junior high level
when I was pregnant with Lyna. I had to tell my students and because
the pregnancy overlapped two school years I had to tell a second group
of students and parents. My students and parents seemed to understand
and respect my decision, but before I told some parents they asked a
lot of awkward questions and felt bad after I told them. I couldn't
not tell because they would all wonder about the baby etc.

I have had so many women tell me about their own pregnancy losses as
a result. I've been coming to realize that a loss is a loss
regardless of month. A lady told me this past week that she
miscarried two babies one 36 years ago and another 35 years ago and
every year since she has thought about losing a baby at that time of
year... one at labor day and another in Feb. She says it becomes less
tender, but you never forget.

That is at least my experience. I know other people have had other
experiences. We just passed Lyna's one year birthday. It was hard.
The pregnancy was difficult emotionally. It was difficult for my
nephews who wanted another cousin. Micah who is five went with my
mother in law to donate a book in Lyna's memory to a day care center
this past weekend. He seemed to understand and wanted to be a part of
doing something kind and generous in memory of his cousin.

Lyna was our first child/pregnancy, so we don't have any older
children to explain the loss to other than her cousins. We have a
healthy son on the way now. I have wondered how much to tell him and
at what age.

Rachel