Nancy -

If my experience can help you, I'm happy to share. My middle child (and
first daughter, Sarah) was born in Jan 2002 with anencephaly (lived for
2 hours). We didn't know about the anencephaly before birth b/c we did
not have a 20-week ultrasound. With my first child, I had a full-term,
uneventful pregnancy (with no ultrasound) so we didn't see the need.

Sarah was born full-term when my oldest was three years old. He was
also excited and old enough to understand that we were supposed to be
bringing a baby home. I relied heavily on my faith (christian) to
answer his many questions. I avoided saying things like it was God's
will, because I don't believe it was. I talked a lot about how God put
people in our lives to help us with our sadness and grief. We also
allowed him to be sad and we encouraged him to talk about his sadness
and his questions, which in turn helped us through our own grief more
than we could have foreseen. Basically because it forced us to deal
with our own grief in order to help him through his.

We got pregnant again the following October - 10 months after Sarah and
6 months after being on the higher doses of folic acid (3 mg plus the 1
mg in my prenatal vitamin). My third child (also a daughter) was born
healthy in June 2003.

We took the attitude of not shielding our son from the tragedy (since he
was already aware of what was supposed to happen), but instead of making
him a part of it. He came to the hospital and met Sarah before she
passed away, he has a picture of her in his room, and knows that he has
two sisters. Although even some of our family questioned this (letting
him see her, etc.), they realized after the fact that it allowed him to
have some closure as well. It was amazing how much he understood even
though he was barely three. Harder questions came as he got older and
processed the hows and the whys, and today he tells my youngest that she
also has a big sister in Heaven.

As far as terminating early, I was not faced with that choice because we
didn't know before her delivery. I can't imagine what it must be like
to be put in the position to have to choose (and I don't pass judgment
either way - only you and your family can know what choice is best for
you). I will say that from the entries on this and other places on the
web I have read, it seems that some women feel forced into that decision
by their doctors, and seem to later regret it, and others say how hard
it is to answer questions from others about the pregnancy, given the
impending outcome. I have also seen several web sites that offer advice
on planning your pregnancy, labor and delivery knowing that the outcome
is terminal (things I would love to have thought of ahead of time had I
known - like taking pictures or getting those precious hand/footprints.).

I hope this helps - feel free to email if I can do anything to help further.

Sabrina
Mom to Matthew, Sarah in Heaven, and Emma

Nancy wrote:

>Hello all~
>
>I am new to your site as I just found out that my unborn so has
>anencephaly. I am unsure how we are going to handle this. This is my
>third pregancy and my fourth child. All the other three were born
>normal. Has anyone decided to terminate early and if so what method did
>you choose and how did it affect your emotional self and your family? I
>am concerned for me and my son. He was verry excited and wanted a
>brother. He already has two sisters.
>
>Did anyone deliver a normal baby after the baby that had anencephaly?
>
>Would love to hear from you~!
>
>Thanks~
>
>Nancy
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