Ashley -

My heart breaks for you.  I'm Sabrina and my middle child was born with anencephaly (Sarah, born Jan 24, 2002 and died two hours after birth).  I went to term (we didn't have an ultrasound with Sarah so I was blissfully unaware of her birth defect until her birth).  I remember having a similar pregnancy - she kicked and hiccuped a lot and I still hold those memories dear. 

I have a picture that a nurse took with her, my husband and me that is simply priceless to me (and I would encourage you to think about taking photos - for me, it's like I still have a part of her and I can show her to my other children so they know they have a sister in heaven).  They had one of the hospital hats on her head which covered up the defect.  I remember in my reading (after the fact, I was a little obsessed with researching birth defects) I had seen some stories from others who knew ahead of time and actually had birth plans that included how they wanted to deal with everything, and reading them made me wish I had known ahead of time so I could better prepare (both us and the hospital staff) - I'll see if I can't track them down and pass the resources along.

Second, somewhere in dealing with the loss of my baby, I started to see the people that God put into my life to help me through my loss and my grief, and somehow that helped.  Also, know that God is certainly big enough to handle your anger so don't be afraid to let it out - He can take it, and He will still be there for you.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers - just email when you need to.  Take care of yourself.

Sabrina
Mom to Matthew, Sarah in heaven, and Emma

Ashley James wrote:

That you so much for writing me back. finally some one who really knows what i am going through. This is my first pregnancy .It's a boy we named he Jacob. We just got married, bought our first house and now found out about my baby , my husband and I when went to doctor we were going because of an abnormal alfa feta protein. We were sure everything would be fine because of all the false positive stories , and we had had several ultrasounds . After the utlrasound was done i had a feeling something was wrong because the doctor and the nurse were silent, he told to get dressed we needed to talk,ok i thought  but still had no idea the severity of this situation. He told me that my son had anencephaly. What in God's name is that. Ok , so whats' this mean I asked is it serious . the doctor replied the most serious birth defect out there. I still didnt understand, as he explain in more detail he told me to lay back down he'll show me , by this point i had understood what it was , and that it was always fatal, but I still didnt believe it was happening to me untill he showed me with the ultrasound the side profile of his head. And as im  sure you've sll seen before . The sight was unbelievable. He then gave me the options terminate, or go to term. Like either one had an effect on the out come. So we left trying to process this. The nest week was the worst time in my life . I couldnt eat , sleep , I got sat around like this miserable time bomb, waiting to be triggered by thought or tv or anything. Then One day I got up and said thats it i can;t do this anymore not another day. I started going back to work , but I am a hairdresser so work wasnt as easy as i thought".Hey Ashley hows the nursery, do you know what your having ,your really showing now, I know when I was pregnant  blah blah blah blah over and over customer after customer . I just felt like buying a shirt or wearing a sign that would say please dont ask about the baby in the nicest way possible. I know people just are excited ,and don't understand but its like why should i have to go through this over and over again , WHY ME !!!!!!   I know its hard to understand now and i believe that God does everything for a reason . Maybe he thought we all need a baby in heaven. through this Ive learned you can't lose faith because if we get mad at God for this.  Who  do we have to turn to for help.  I ve decided to go to term with Jacob and induce at around 38 weeks . He really starting to move now , and I know its depressing but I really like it when he moves. I just really dred the day when i go into labor. I wonder if Im going to be afraid to see him. of what he may look like. did you guys look at them , was it as bad as you imaginaged it would be? Im so afraid of  that, and i know that sounds horrible , but I am. Please share with any type of stories or secrets that helped you through. and thanks most of all for listening . Its means more than you;ll ever know.  Sincerely, Ashley J. Dier  

Marie Blair <peaches03292000@...> wrote:

Ashley,

Well if you are looking to find someone that understands, we all do.  I am so sorry that you are going through this.  You are 23 weeks, you say?  well I induced at 23 weeks with my Brianna. ( I have mixed feeling about this that I wont go into right now with ya).  Just know that we are all here for you here in this group.  I wish none of us had to go through this.  Is this your first pregnancy? 

 

As for your question on how we got through this...well we are still "going through this" and will continue to do so for the rest of our lives.  I think of my daughter every day (it has been over 2 years).  As for the pregnancy and birth I think my mind was numb.  It took a while to sink in.  I cried many tears but with the support of my friends here in the group and family, they made things a little easier just by listening and commenting just when I needed them to.  I hope you find comfort here in knowing that we are here to listen when you have any questions or just need to cry.  I dont have all the answers, if any but sometimes I ask questions that I know noone knows the answer to but it helps to know there is someone who cares enough to listen.

 

Again, I am sorry that you are experiencing this. 

 

Type away your feelings and have faith.

I am here for you

Marie

cosmoash84 <cosmoash84@...> wrote:

hi everyone my name is Ashley and I'm an 20 years old.I just found out
that my baby has anencephaly i am 23 weeks pregnant and have known for
about 3 weeks. I was hoping that anyone with similar experiences would
be able to tell me how they got through this terrible time. Thank you .

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