My son Matthew was 3 weeks shy of his 3rd birthday when our Sarah was born with anencephaly (she lived for 2 hours).  He got to meet her in the hospital before she died, and was old enough to understand that Mommy had had a baby in her belly and that we didn't bring the baby home.  So, we explained it as simply as we could, and answered his questions as much as we could when he would ask.  We had told him that Sarah had a boo-boo on her head that the doctors couldn't fix, and so she went to heaven to be with God.  We made sure he knew it was okay to be sad, and that we were sad too, and if we didn't have an answer, we just said we didn't know.

I tried to find children's books that we could read with him to help him understand at his level, and I'll tell you there was not a lot out there for preschoolers.  I was given two books from my preschool minister at our church.  I don't mean to presume your religious background, and I think the books were fairly non-religious:  One was "When Dinosaurs Die"; another was "Lifetimes" (which talked about long and short lifetimes of different things on earth).  There was also one called "Mommy, please don't cry" - but it made me cry! :)  I'll dig around and see if there were any others I had.

My only advice to give is that you know your child best.  Explain what you think she can handle and follow her lead - she'll let you know if she is ready for more information by the questions she asks.  Just assure her that she can bring up the subject and discuss it with you - you'll probably be surprised by how much she comprehends about what happened.  I know we were with our son.

Hope this helps.

Sabrina
Mom of Matthew- 5 yrs, Sarah in heaven (Jan 2002), and Emma - 1 yr

evonneT2003@... wrote:

 hiya i have a daughter Abigayle who is 4 and a son Jack who is 7 months, my angel baby, Holly was born in May 2002 so would be 2 1/2 now. i have often wondered when to tell my eldest and how to go about doing so, she has visited Hollys grave on many a time with us but has never asked questions, she loves to do the flowers. When do you think i should tell her and how do i go about doing it? thanx evonnexxx