Yehudis

It is so easy when we are dealing with an AD LO that we can see AD around every
corner in all our LO's. You may be very correct in thinking your mother is
showing signs of stress rather than AD. My friends and I call it CD
(Caregiver's Dementia) which many of us caregivers will show at least once but
usually more during our time of caring for an AD LO. The signs of overly
stressed can mimic the early symptoms of AD. Every caregiver I have run across
including myself have wondered at one time or the other if we are developing
AD.

Regardless of whether your mother is showing signs of AD or CD she is going to
need some care herself. She will need to take care of herself before the stress
causes her physical harm. Perhaps it may be a good idea if you and your sisters
give her a vacation. Send her on a trip she has always wanted or even send her
to the sister who is going to visit in March. She may need to get away to get
some sleep and eat right. It is important when one spouse has AD we also safe
guard the other one's health and well being.

Edyth Ann
edythann@...
ICQ # 2665330  AOL Buddy Bublehead2

4th para 1st line. ^ upon after Based. make read 'Based upon. . .'

Hello to the list,
I am new to this list as my Mom who is 70, has just recently been diagnosed
with Alzheimer's.  I am an only child, my father passed away four years ago
and therefore I am the only caregiver to my Mother.  Reading this list the
last couple of weeks has made me feel better -- I have had all the feelings of
anger, loss, hurt and frustration.  Since I am new to this whole process, I
have a couple of questions which I am sure have been asked before, and I
apologize up front for the probable duplicity.

My Mom is in the mid stages of Alzheimer's.  She is confused and disoriented
easily, uses quite a few non-sequiters and isn't able to make logical
decisions.  However, she is very aware of her surroundings and still enjoys
certain things.  I was not in a position to care for her at home, so chose a
really lovely, assisted living facility.  She happily enjoys the "senior"
outings and the community dining room.  I am happy with the choice and hope
that she can enjoy her life for as long as possible.  I still have to run her
errands and take her to the doctors, interact with the staff, etc., but at
least I know she is safe and happy.

My question has to do with Medicare.  I am paying the facility extra each
month to monitor her medication and just this last month, extra to help her
get dressed and changed.  She has had the flu apparently (we're all guessing
because she refuses to rest for a minute), and is not able to quite manage her
personal care through this.  I have just taken over my Mom's medical/finacial,
don't know the first thing about Medicare and the booklet was less than
helpful.  She also has two supplemental insurances, one from her old company
that is a Medicare carve out and one from my father's company.  If some of
this is covered, how do I bill it to Medicare?  I've noticed that doctors just
bill directly.

Thanks in advance!!
Nora

Thanks so much for taking the time to respond. We may have to go the route you
suggest. The problem is I'm not sure my husbands' siblings would support it.
They have the attitude that he should just be left alone like he wants, and if
something happens, it happens. When Tom mentioned taking his driver's license
away, they all said "You can't do that. Dad would be furious." So that's the
mentality we're dealing with.

Karen

Edyth Ann Knox wrote:

> Karen
>
> I know how frustrating it can be to watch a LO that you know is in trouble
> and they want you and everyone to be in complete Denial like they are! I had
> to take some pretty strong steps with my father not to long ago. He refused
> to go to a Dr. or allow any help even though he could barely walk and at
> times was confused as to which wife my mother was (he was married three
> times but my mother was the only one that was married to him long enough,
> nearly 30 yrs., to have kids with). His plans were totally unrealistic, his
> house was a mess, the stove was leaking gas, he smelled of bodily functions,
> he was still driving even though he put the care in low gear and could not
> understand why it would not go fast (Thank God for that). He would not let
> me do a thing for him. I finally put my foot down and called Adult
> Protective Services. He was guilty of self neglect. They gave me the muscle
> I needed to get my Dad in a safer environment and take his car away. He more
> or less had a choice allow us kids to take care of him and help or the state
> would step in.
>
> Edyth Ann
> edythann@...
> ICQ # 2665330  AOL Buddy  Bublehead2

Thanks for your advice.

Karen

Sue Petrovski wrote:

> Karen,
>
> I can only advise you to do something, for if it is AD it isn't going to get
> any better.  If it were me, I would probably get an Elder Lawyer and ask for
> advice.  They have delt with "sticky wickets" like your FIL many more times
> than you and I.  You may have to get a court order and if that's what it
> takes to make your FIL safe - so be it. Tom's major concern needs to be
> "safety".
> Someone, probably Tom, should probably get a Medical POA, and in your
> father's condition, one signed by him might not hold up if anyone else in
> the family questioned whether he was of sound mind when he signed it.  Tom
> might be able to take the car right now, if he is co-owner of the assets.
> But I'm no lawyer! So, once again, start from a firm foundation with GOOD
> legal advice.  Sounds like the medical advice you got was less than qualified.
> Another thought, if Tom has co-ownership of assets, he could hire a
> companion and pay for it from Dad's funds.  Don't know if FIL would be too
> happy, however.
>
> Sue
>
> At 02:25 PM 2/15/98 -0500, you wrote:
> >
> >Sue,
> >
> >Thanks for responding. Tom's name is on his father's asset accounts as
> co-owner,
> >but he does not have POA. And the man is so irrational right now, I doubt he
> >would agree to it. As for the physical, he has had one by the family
> doctor. The
> >doctor's attitude was "Let's not bother with tests. So what if he has AD."
True
> >story. And we can't get Dad to see another doctor because, of course, he says
> >there is nothing wrong with him. So we're stuck.
> >
> >Karen
> >
> >Sue Petrovski wrote:
> >
> >> Karen,
> >>
> >> Does your husband have POA?  Seems to me that there are two things you can
> >> do right now:
> >>         1.  Be sure you get the legal stuff taken care of, if possible.
> >> (POA etc/)
> >>         2.  Insist he get a physical and get a diagnosis.  It could be
> >> something treatable.
> >>
> >> Right now, without these two things, it's almost impossible to operate or
> >> even protect him, and basically, protection for him and others he might
hurt
> >> while driving are your main concerns.  See an Elder law attorney and get
his
> >> advice, and try to get the physical.
> >>
> >> Sue
> >> At 11:35 AM 2/15/98 -0500, you wrote:
> >> >
> >> >My father-in-law has not been diagnosed with AD, but my husband, Tom,
> >> >and I know he is in early stages. His mother died from it, and he has
> >> >all the symptoms: short-term memory problems, trouble finding the words
> >> >he wants to use and, most of all, nasty personality changes! He has
> >> >become impossible to be around. Nothing pleases him. He is rude to
> >> >strangers in public, and belligerant and verbally abusive to his
> >> >children. He misplaces something, and then accuses Tom of taking it. He
> >> >expects Tom to drop everything (including job responsibilities) to come
> >> >running when he wants something. If Tom doesn't do it, he explodes,
> >> >calls him all kinds of names and threatens to cut him out of the will.
> >> >
> >> >Several weeks ago, Dad had a third heart attack (he's also had two
> >> >strokes). He was borderline being able to live alone in his own home
> >> >before. He has little use of his right arm and wears a brace on the
> >> >right leg. Now he is weaker than ever, and his mental deterioration has
> >> >progressed in recent weeks. We feel he is no longer capable of living
> >> >alone. He refuses to go to an assisted-living community, so Tom has been
> >> >trying to find a live-in companion. Now Dad says he won't pay anyone to
> >> >come in (he can afford it, but he's tight). He wants to find "some
> >> >homeless person" to move in and travel around the country with him. He
> >> >also continues to drive, despite his physical and mental impairments,
> >> >and we know that's a danger. We're at our wits end.
> >> >
> >> >We know that legally we can't force him to do anything without having
> >> >him declared incompetent, and we know that is difficult to do. The
> >> >problem is he is borderline. He still has periods, particularly early in
> >> >the day, when he is somewhat rational. He can dress and bathe himself,
> >> >but little else. He can't cook, do laundry or anything like that.
> >> >
> >> >The bottom line is he shouldn't be driving or living alone, but what can
> >> >we do? Any advice?
> >> >
> >> >Karen
> >> >
> >> >
> >
> >
> >
> >

Karen Gulbranson wrote:

> Thanks so much for your advice.
>
> Karen
>
> bsmith wrote:
>

Beverly:
      Mom's 88 and 89 on March 5th. Took her driver's license away about
eight years ago. In addition to AD she has glaucoma and is legally
blind. Sometimes she isn't sure if it's me or my brother in the same
room until we speak.
      Anyway, about a month ago I brought her back from visiting her
sister (who's 92) and when we pulled into the driveway she said "I just
don't know why I couldn't drive to see my sister or to the grocery
store". "Of course, we'd have to get another car".
      I told her that if she wanted to go to the DPS office and take the
driving tests, we'd go. That ended the conversation. But she still
thinks she's capable of driving and I don't think that will ever change.

      By the way, I'm 59, but she still tells me to "wear your jacket"
or "put on you long pants" on cool days. Some things just don't ever
change!
Cheers,

Bill

Denise

I can not remember if I told you HAPPY BIRTHDAY yesterday or not but that was
why I was watching for you to come on line for. Soooo just in case my CD was in
full swing (like it seems to be today) yesterday HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! I see you
are around the same age as I 16....... Well this year I will turn 17 because my
son is 16 this year and next year I can have my 16th BDAY back again!

I can think of no better present then the one your mother and you gave each
other! That is a true gift of love that one can receive. The love of ones
parent is a bond through time and one that is valued through our lives. This
disease frequently strips the signs of love from our LO so when a window is
open and the love shines through these are the moments we treasure above all
others.

Edyth Ann
edythann@...
ICQ # 2665330   AOL Buddy  Bublehead2

Denise Cooper wrote:

> Today was my 44th birthday. I went to my moms room early and just looked at
> her, watched her sleep. When she was my age she had a 5 year old daughter,
> 11 and 26 year old son's and dreams of the future, goals had been set. I
> wondered just how many of those dreams and goals my mom had been able to
> reach. Had her life been full, did she feel love, had she been satisfied. I
> realized just how much that I truely do love my mom. Despite all the things
> that had happened in my childhood, I love her, as she was, as she became
> and as she is now.
>
> I wondered too if she would remember what day it was, would she know it was
> my birthday? Probably not however, she would be with me for one more. After
> awhile I woke her up and she smiled at me. I told her it was time to get up
> and get dressed because we were having company come for dinner. She asked
> why and I told her. She reached her frail, weak arms up and gave me a big
> hug, I crawled in next to her and laid my head upon her breast as I had so
> many years ago. In that very moment my mom was back. There was no need to
> make a wish when I blew out the candles, it had already been answered.
> Sincerely,
> Denise Cooper
> Longview, WA
>
> Home Page = http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/3004
> ICQ Chat Room #4459537
> Chatnet: US, OR, Portland  channel=#Alzheimers_Support_Group
> Get My Newsletter - subscribe here
> http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/3004/e_mail.htm
>
> ******************************************************************
> Certain things among the shadows of one's life do not have to be remembered
> -- they remember themselves.
> ******************************************************************

Thanks so much for your advice.

Karen

bsmith wrote:

> Karen you can call you local BMV and ask them what it would take
> for them revoke his license, we did that I needed to get a
> script or written note saying that the doctor feels this patient
> isn't able to drive safely anymore and what medical problems he
> has.  Then when they sent my mother in law a letter requesting
> her to go to the nearest BMV and take the eye test and written
> test over, and when she didn't they told her to submit her
> license and when she said she knew I was behind it I just told
> her I did what the doctor suggested and if she didn't take the
> test it was her fault.  Well of course she didnt and she lost
> her driving priviledges and yes we had a few weeks of
> complaining and being upset but soon she forgot about it and all
> was over with.  I don't know if this is good for you but at the
> time we did my mother in law also had days of good memory and
> what was going on but all too many times she would say she was
> out and forgot for a little bit where she was and what she was
> suppost to be doing. Plus she was always wanting the kids to
> ride with her.  And we knew that was impossible.
>
> Good luck and God richely bless you.
>
> Beverly S
> -------------------------------------
> Name: bsmith
> E-mail: bsmith <bsmith@...>
> Date: 2/15/98
> Time: 6:06:18 PM
>
> This message was sent by Chameleon
> -------------------------------------

Dear friends,

I think I've been on this list via various e-mail
addresses since '95 because my mom has AD.

I'd like some advice to pass on to a new friend who
wrote to me from my web page on journal on AD in
our family.  For now she just has Internet access
through work so could not handle all the mail we
get with this list.  She and her husband will be
getting online at home some day.

About a month ago her mom she broke her thoracic vertebrate
coughing.  The doctor told them either to move out of town
close to the daughter or he'd put her dad in a nursing home.

They've moved to the independent living part of a retirement
facility in daughter's town.  A sister had been staying
with the parents in the new apartment at first but has gone home
now so they are on their own while my e-mail friend and her
husband are at work.  (Friend also has a young child.)
An aide helps mom with bathing.

I am asking for your help now with suggestions for activities
to help dad.  He hasn't adjusted to apartment living yet.  My
friend wrote this morning:  "Dad said, 'But at home, I had a
routine...I could go out and feed the birds, putz in the basement,
etc.'"

I'll forward your suggestions.  Edyth Ann has already been
helpful when I wrote to her offline about another
caregiver question she had.

Thanks,

Marilyn

http://www.pinn.net/~caspita/ad.html
http://www.pinn.net/~caspita/chat.html  <-- a Candid caregivers'
      chatroom entrance where I am known as HappyJack

First off, thank you to all who responded to my post. It's nice to have the
support. I find myself wanting to bury my head in the sand, when it comes
to dealing with anything regarding my Dad. Unfortunately, reality sets in
all too soon. I find it so hard to keep up with all the posts on the list.
There seems to be so many of us out there with LO with this disease. And we
all seem to have SO many unanswered questions.

Last Wednesday, he came home again for the 3rd time. I remained calm and
called the nursing home, but I can't understand how he can get out so many
times! He wears a monitor band on his wrist! The nursing home gets him back
by sending these two wonderful ladies, nurses, who he will follow their
lead. But I am concerned that he will not be able to find his way home
eventually.

I also feel that I have a million questions and no one to ask. I think that
is why I tend to want to bury my head in the sand.  I guess I will just
have to keep pushing until I get the answers, but by then everyone will
avoid the "trouble maker" otherwise known as bad cop (vs. good cop).

I also have a question, why it is so prevalent that after a hospitalization
that the dementia-Alzheimer's takes a turn for the worse?

I went to visit my Dad on Saturday and even though I didn't want to go,
partial burying my head and partial not wanting to attend services at the
NH. I had a really pleasant visit. There was a Bar-Mitzvah and so there was
more people then usual and even some "regulars" from my regular synagogue.
I also ended up eating lunch with my Dad. He seems to be very lonely and I
decided on the spur of the moment to stay as long as possible. After lunch
we sat upstairs by the entrance a different view then the second floor
where his room is located. After awhile he was tired so I left and he went
upstairs to take a nap. He also got a roommate and I think that it is
helping him and my Mom.  My Mom is planning to take him to all these places
today, his internist, the dentist the eyeglass store. I think she is asking
for trouble since she is planning on doing this herself. I was so upset
about it that I called my sister long distance and we had a good talk. She
is planning a visit here in the middle of March and I just needed her to
remind me why Dad was in a NH. When I see him on his 'good' days I can't
understand why he is there. I also told her what my mom was planning to do
and she said that she was going to talk to sister #2 who might talk to Mom.

Sister #1 & sister #2 both think that my Mom has the beginning of
Alzheimer's. I want to disagree, but I feel that I am to close to the
situation to make an unprejudiced judgement call. An example: On Saturday
when I went to visit my dad I came home about 2:00pm. My aunt was at my
house, my mom was crying, because she didn't know where I was. I was two
hours late according to her timetable of when I should have been home. She
had already called the NH, telephoning on our Sabbath is a violation. And
she was about to call the police. My sister think she is getting paranoid
and feels that this is a sign of the dementia. I feel that my Mom is being
a VERY overprotective mom due to her being stressed out over my Dad.
Though I don't feel I handled the situation correctly. I told her she was
being stupid.

I guess I should stop writing before this post gets to be the length of the
digest.
Thanks for listening.
Yehudis

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yehudis Gross
Northwestern University
Dorms & Commons/Food Services Operations
2245-B Sheridan Road
Evanston, IL 60208
V-Mail: 1-847-491-2020
E-Mail: y-gross@...
Fax: (1-847) 467-2514

Would welcome advice as to how much
reliance should be placed on blood tests
which show normal 83 year old deterioration.

Thank you
Lynn

Lynn Pollack
9/363 Edgecliff Road, Edgecliff. NSW.
2027 Australia Tel/Fax 61 (0)2 9328 2060
email: lpollack@...

From the lips of the alleged offended, Canadian Olympic hockey team member,
Ms Goyette:

"It's not worth going back to what was said during and after the game,"
Goyette said in a written statement Sunday. "Let's move on to the (gold
medal game on Tuesday)." "That's the Olympics," Goyette said. "Emotions have
a tendency to run high. "After having played 14 exhibition games (against
the U.S.), it's time to turn the page and focus on the biggest game in the
history of women's hockey -- the Olympic gold medal game."

It seems that Ms Goyette is one tough cookie, who does not wish to be
distracted by a flood of messages in support of. . .what? Her statements,
above, seem clear in their intent i.e., give it a rest folks, it's not worth
going back to, let me concentrate on the game ahead, don't distract me with
this matter.

Based Ms Goyettes quotes, those rooting for Team Canada should certainly
withhold their communiqués and not be part of a disruptive continuum. On the
other hand
Americans, uncouth, devious, conniving devils that we are, should consider
sending along some messages to Ms Goyette in the hope that in so doing the
Americans would be given some slight competitive edge by disturbing her
concentration.

What would a typical message of support say. . .perhaps something like,
"We're behind you 100%. Alzheimer's is a terrible disease. We're sorry for
the recent loss of your father. We don't know what the American hockey
player said to you (don't confuse me with facts) so it's a bit hard to focus
on the heart of the matter. Even so, hang in there".

Has the sheer silliness of this issue, this 'outcry of public indignation'
shown through yet?

Donald Baerd
In Hoc(key) Signo Vinces

On 15 Feb 98 at 21:11, Duggan52@... wrote:

>
>
> Tonight was not a great night for dad. He was tied to the wheelchair
> again, and this makes him upset. He said he was afraid because it
> was getting dark and if he didn't get this thing off , he wouldn't
> be able to see.  He had been setting off the tab alarm , so they
> tied him again.

I know this is a terrible time for you.  Keep writing and reading the
list, and we'll try to send some support.

I'm concerned that this might not be the right NH for your dad.  Ask
to see the order that allows them to tie him.  Setting off the alarm
may be annoying, but it helps the staff to know he is in trouble.  It
keeps him from being agitated.

You may have to keep insisting.

Most people with Alzheimer's become more upset when it gets dark.

The staff could put your dad's wheelchair near their desk so he could
be calmed by a voice and so they could respond to the alarm more
easily.

Again, ask to see the order about restraints.  Make the staff aware
of your concern and your knowledge of the law regarding restraint.
Sometimes a wheelchair tray can be used to remind a person that they
shouldn't try to get up.  This is a restraint, but may be more
acceptable than being tied.

Kate

mailto:katemm@...

I am new to the list and thought I would say hello.  A very dear friend's
mom has just been diagnosed with ALZHEIMERS and I am trying to learn all I
can to help out.  After pulling a file from last month, I've already learned
much that can't be found elsewhere.

Happy Birthday Denise!


Janet

First I would love to wish you a Happy Birthday which it seem
like you did have.  Sometimes we get a little present from our
loved ones when we lease expected..  I am happy that you got
your wish even before you wished for it.

Beverly S.
-------------------------------------
Name: bsmith
E-mail: bsmith <bsmith@...>
Date: 2/16/98
Time: 7:48:38 AM

This message was sent by Chameleon
-------------------------------------

On Sun, 15 Feb 1998 11:35:20 EST, <CLHowson@...> wrote:
>
>1.  My husband complains of ringing in his ears.  Is this a part of AD?

No. This is tinnitus. Caused by many things. Aspirin in excess, some other
drugs, viral infections, inflammation of the hearing nerve, etc. It needs
assessment by his doctor, and can, unfortunately, be hard to treat in some
cases.

>2.  He also has occasional episodes of dizziness, but has not had TIA's.
>Is this a part of AD?.

No, not typically. Dizzyness is a common symptom with many causes. Ear
problems can cause it, low blood pressure (BP) (especially on standing
suddenly) is a very common cause in the elderly, drugs causing low BP or low
blood volume (like diuretics - water pills) can cause it, to name a few of
the most common. The significance of dizzyness varies from major warning of
concern to annoying symptom that is not dangerous. It does need looking
into, however, and at the least your husband's doctor should review his
pills and check his BP lying and standing.
TIAs are transient disturbances of nerve function that clear completely
within 24 hours (and if they don't it's a stroke).

>3.  There have been references in the list to coffee having adverse effects
>on AD patients.  What's the story? [...]

I can't recall the specifics of the comments, but coffee has two particular
effects that could be difficult to manage in AD patients. The caffeine is a
stimulant, and could cause problems with disturbed sleep and disturbed
behaviour. Coffee also is a diuretic, and will increase the amount of urine
produced by the kidneys, which might compound difficulties in someone who
has problems toiletting.

Best wishes

Alan

Sue & Kate:  I guess I was told no by the corp which owns this apt
complex because this is a steel & brick building with hollow walls which
would involve a major production to install these bars not just a drill
through the tiles.    I will talk to the maintenance man to see if
anyone has successfully installed these anywhere else is the complex &
if I could pay for the costs involved would they be more willing to let
me do it.

cappie in mass

Today was my 44th birthday. I went to my moms room early and just looked at
her, watched her sleep. When she was my age she had a 5 year old daughter,
11 and 26 year old son's and dreams of the future, goals had been set. I
wondered just how many of those dreams and goals my mom had been able to
reach. Had her life been full, did she feel love, had she been satisfied. I
realized just how much that I truely do love my mom. Despite all the things
that had happened in my childhood, I love her, as she was, as she became
and as she is now.

I wondered too if she would remember what day it was, would she know it was
my birthday? Probably not however, she would be with me for one more. After
awhile I woke her up and she smiled at me. I told her it was time to get up
and get dressed because we were having company come for dinner. She asked
why and I told her. She reached her frail, weak arms up and gave me a big
hug, I crawled in next to her and laid my head upon her breast as I had so
many years ago. In that very moment my mom was back. There was no need to
make a wish when I blew out the candles, it had already been answered.
Sincerely,
Denise Cooper
Longview, WA

Home Page = http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/3004
ICQ Chat Room #4459537
Chatnet: US, OR, Portland  channel=#Alzheimers_Support_Group
Get My Newsletter - subscribe here
http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/3004/e_mail.htm

******************************************************************
Certain things among the shadows of one's life do not have to be remembered
-- they remember themselves.
******************************************************************

Kate,
Thank you for sharing the beautiful and moving poem "My Father's Coat." I
read a message that you had a very kind and caring father, and that he was
much loved. And I think that is one of the highest tributes that a person
can give to a loved one. Again thank you.
Jerry
jerryh@...
ICQ# 807671,
AOL Buddy: Jiggs43

Doris,
   Sorry to hear things are not going too well with your mother.  The
doctors tried respiradol to calm my mother down after moving her to a
foster home.  She reacted very badly to it, and it was the lowest dose
possible.  My mother was unable to stand up straight, couldn't feed
herself, and was generally in a zombie state.  Needless to say, they
stopped it after 2 days and the symptoms disappeared.
    If they can manage her without medication, great.  If not, make sure
they start it when you are available to visit every day to see how she
reacts to the meds.

                                       Good luck,

                                           Thelma

Duggan,
    I know exactly how you are feeling.  I went through a similar
situation during the summer.  My mother had been placed in a foster home
and became violent.  My sister lives out of town and just kept calling
and giving instructions.  Everyone said I shouldn't have placed my mom,
except the professionals, who thought I had no other choice.
    I, too, cried all the time.  The difference is that when I went to my
doctor and couldn't stop crying, she put me on Zoloft.  It didn't make
the problems go away, but it certainly helped me cope with life.
    If you feel your doctor can't understand what you are going through I
suggest you look for someone else who will be able to support you during
this difficult time.

                                       Thelma

Bob,
I haven't posted on this list much since my dad pased away last April
but I have been lurking for the past year.  However I have to tell you
that the hospice program was a lifesaver for our family.  My mother
found out about it nine months before my dad passed away.  It had just
started a new program set up in her area specifically for people with
AD.  They took care of everything for her, provided equipment, and a two
week respite care in a Manor Care facility which lead to a permanent
stay for my dad.  They were so wnderful.
Beverley
bsmmoore@...

Dear Cappie,
      I couldn't agree more.  I miss my mother too.  I hate the fact that she
has to be slipping away like this so young (57).  I had always imagined what a
fun grandmother she would be to my children, since she had always had a talent
for entertaining children.  Now they just upset her.  My mother used to look
younger than her age, and occasionally people would think we were sisters.  We
acted like girlfriends, going out to lunch or shopping together.  AD must be
the hardest disease to deal with in some ways, with all the memories, the
knowledge of what could have been, and the empty shell of your LO caught in
this limbo between life and death.  I like to talk to relatives and family
friends about the way she used to be, so that I can keep those images and
memories alive.  They are the greatest treasure she has left me.
      God bless,  Kathleen

Dear listmates,
      As a former pharmaceutical sales rep, I had the opportunity to learn a
little about Buspar.  It is a mild anti-anxiety drug, touted as being non
habit forming (which is an advantage over other anti-anxiety drugs).  It's
success rate seemed to be hit or miss, with some patients finding it helpful,
and others wondering if it was just a fancy placebo.  Last I heard, it was
approved by the FDA only for short term use in cases of acute anxiety.  Thus
it may be helpful for the AD patient who is extreemly agitated.  As for the
nausea, that is not surprising.  In clinical trials, about 5% of patients will
react to any given drug, even placebo, with nausea.

Joanne
	 My condolences on the recent death of your Mother. May the memories of the
good times sustain you as you grieve the loss of one so dear. Be reassured
that she is able to look down upon you and remember the loving care you gave
her.

Sincerely
Palmier

-----Original Message-----
><><><><><><>
My mom died Thursday night and there are so many mixed feelings.  I am so
relieved that she is free of the ravages of the disease but I am really
missing the mom/child that I have taken care of the past two years.
><>><><><><>

shit girl you all who are taking care of alzhemiers patients deserve a big fat
award, your strength and patience and I could go on and on is unbelievable . I
took care of mom the last time she was here two days, It took me four weeks to
get back to myself emotionally mentally physically everything. I think you all
need to pat your selves on the back in what a damn good job you all do. I must
say I couldn't and you make sure your health is number one okay. Don't try to be
superwoman or superman, watch those expectations. love ya's Linda

----------
From:  Mawag@...[SMTP:Mawag@...]
Sent:  Sunday, February 15, 1998 9:49 PM
To:  alzheimer@...
Subject:  [ALZ] To Cappie


Cappie,

I have had those feelings also.  I have looked at this combative, confused
person and remembered the kind, good husband and father of the past.  I have
shed buckets of tears for him and what he has lost and what we, his family,
have lost.  I desperately wanted my husband back.
Then he woke up Thursday morning a different person.  The last three days he
hardly ever yells or threatens.  He even took his bath tonight without a
fight.   I have no idea what happened.  It must be the next phase of AD.

I have been feeling so guilty, thinking that I was not handling things right.
I had tried all the suggestions on the list and nothing worked.  I had even
checked out a NH because I was fearing for my safety and sanity.

I just hope and pray that this behavior continues, but as I've said before,
this too will pass.  So hang in there Cappie,

Mary W.

On 15 Feb 98 at 19:59, caspie2@... wrote:

>
> Yes Richard Jack was right but you must realize that spousal love is
> quite different than that between parent & child.  Spousal love
> grows & expands & is fully encompassing while that between parent &
> child is basic & is fraught with childish memories & is mediated in
> the sense that one lives a separate life from one's parents for the
> most part.

The greatest gift I was given was the opportunity to accept my father
as he was and not to become angry with him.  I say that it was a gift
because I believe it was.  I am a deeply religious person, and I
don't think that my innate "goodness" or "bad temper" had anything to
do with it.  It was a blessing, and I am grateful for it.

My mother never accepted the fact that daddy had AD or that he was
anything but crotchety and stubborn.  Her time with him was full of
anger and disappointment and struggle.  I wish that she could have
been different and enjoyed him as I did.

I don't believe he ever went away or was a different person.  He lost
his genius, his ability to talk and read, finally his ability to
move.  He retained a joy in many things -- cookies, his cat, the
great-grandbaby. It gave me great joy to uncover something that would
bring a smile to his face.

He had been stubborn.  When he was younger it kept him working at a
problem until he solved it.  As AD got its claws into him that
stubbornness made him feisty.  He would say, "I will not!" and cling
to the chair or sit on the ground and refuse to get up.  Rather than
battle with him, I waited him out or distracted him and then moved
him.

I felt great sorrow when I saw the things my father had lost -- the
things that gave him so much pleasure.  He loved to walk and finally
could take only a few steps.  He could no longer go to church.  He
couldn't putter.

But I never lost him.  Even in death, he is not lost.

Kate

mailto:katemm@...

Cappie,

I have had those feelings also.  I have looked at this combative, confused
person and remembered the kind, good husband and father of the past.  I have
shed buckets of tears for him and what he has lost and what we, his family,
have lost.  I desperately wanted my husband back.
Then he woke up Thursday morning a different person.  The last three days he
hardly ever yells or threatens.  He even took his bath tonight without a
fight.   I have no idea what happened.  It must be the next phase of AD.

I have been feeling so guilty, thinking that I was not handling things right.
I had tried all the suggestions on the list and nothing worked.  I had even
checked out a NH because I was fearing for my safety and sanity.

I just hope and pray that this behavior continues, but as I've said before,
this too will pass.  So hang in there Cappie,

Mary W.

In a message dated 98-02-15 11:14:05 EST, you write:

<< Your mother is right about soap
  drying the skin and I like to use a few drops of Avon skin so soft (I am not
an
  Avon Sales person and do not have any connection with them) I fine this is a
very
  fine oil with a good absorbency and then I towel off any excess. >>

        UnlikeEdyth Ann I am an "Avon Lady" and I do agree that Skin so Soft is
great for dry skin.  But, I would like to warn you to be very careful if any
gets on the floor.  It makes it very slippery !   It can also be placed in
bath water, but once again tub becomes slippery.   This now also comes in a
lotion which works well too, and is not so slippery.
       Great for caregivers to relax in too !!!!
                                                                           Bett
y

Yuval Zabar wrote:
>
> At 10:17 AM 2/12/98 -0500, you wrote:
> >As for it being a symptom of psychosocial factors in developing versus
> >developed countries I caution you about this generalization.  In
> >developed countries the mechanisms exist to make diagnosis available to
> >almost everyone. I would suggest that AD is just as prevalent, just
> >highly underreported in developing countries.  There may be psychosocial
> >factors such as situational stress, or environmental factors from the
> >byproducts of heavy industrialization (e.g. electromagnetic fields,
> >pollution etc...these are just guesses for examples), but again we don't
> >know.  AD must be looked at in terms of multiple causes, an individual
> >can have predisposition's to AD do to higher risk factors.
> >
> >-Dan
> >
> >Daniel Paris, MSW
> >Mass General Hospital, Memory Disorders Unit
> >Boston, MA
>
> There is also the important issue of perception of illness.  Prior to the
> 1960s, AD was a disease of young people.  Senility was an acceptable part
> of "normal" aging.  Once the perception of senility changed from "normal"
> to "disease" the benign character of this entity was transformed into a
> malignant one.  Certainly this transformation occurred primarily in
> technologically advanced areas and in less advanced nations the distinction
> between what is normal and what is disease is very different.  Take East
> Asia for example.  Epidemiological studies have been done there using
> western instruments to measure cognitive function and diagnosis was made
> based on standardized criteria.  What was found was that the prevalence and
> incidence of AD in those countries was quite similar to the US and Europe.
> The researchers, however, point out nearly unanimously that the patients'
> families were overall less concerned about the cognitive change in their
> LOs as these changes are generally regarded as a part of normal aging.
> Indeed, in China, the norm is to care for one's elderly relatives at home
> regardless of their medical condition.  Nursing homes and other chronic
> care facilities are not readily available.  Therefore, the perceptions of
> caregivers in reporting what is normal vs. what isn't normal is bound to be
> different from caregivers in the US and Europe.  Whenever one asks
> questions regarding the effect of psychological and social facts upon a
> disease, one must also ask what are the effects on the perception of
> disease.  What we think we know is really an expression of the limitations
> of what we can know given cultural and societal boundaries.
>
> Sincerely,
> Yuval Zabar, M.D.
> Johns Hopkins Alzheimer's Disease Research Center
> Baltimore, Maryland
>
> Fax (410)550-2647Yuval,
Do you have any references for the epidemiological studies done in East
Asia? I am very interested in people's perceptions of, not only AD, but
what is normal vs. abnormal in old age.

Thank you,
Michelle M. Bell
Grad. Student in Medical Anthroplogy
Washington State University
bell@...