Thanks for your advice.

Karen

Sue Petrovski wrote:

> Karen,
>
> I can only advise you to do something, for if it is AD it isn't going to get
> any better. If it were me, I would probably get an Elder Lawyer and ask for
> advice. They have delt with "sticky wickets" like your FIL many more times
> than you and I. You may have to get a court order and if that's what it
> takes to make your FIL safe - so be it. Tom's major concern needs to be
> "safety".
> Someone, probably Tom, should probably get a Medical POA, and in your
> father's condition, one signed by him might not hold up if anyone else in
> the family questioned whether he was of sound mind when he signed it. Tom
> might be able to take the car right now, if he is co-owner of the assets.
> But I'm no lawyer! So, once again, start from a firm foundation with GOOD
> legal advice. Sounds like the medical advice you got was less than qualified.
> Another thought, if Tom has co-ownership of assets, he could hire a
> companion and pay for it from Dad's funds. Don't know if FIL would be too
> happy, however.
>
> Sue
>
> At 02:25 PM 2/15/98 -0500, you wrote:
> >
> >Sue,
> >
> >Thanks for responding. Tom's name is on his father's asset accounts as
> co-owner,
> >but he does not have POA. And the man is so irrational right now, I doubt he
> >would agree to it. As for the physical, he has had one by the family
> doctor. The
> >doctor's attitude was "Let's not bother with tests. So what if he has AD."
True
> >story. And we can't get Dad to see another doctor because, of course, he says
> >there is nothing wrong with him. So we're stuck.
> >
> >Karen
> >
> >Sue Petrovski wrote:
> >
> >> Karen,
> >>
> >> Does your husband have POA? Seems to me that there are two things you can
> >> do right now:
> >> 1. Be sure you get the legal stuff taken care of, if possible.
> >> (POA etc/)
> >> 2. Insist he get a physical and get a diagnosis. It could be
> >> something treatable.
> >>
> >> Right now, without these two things, it's almost impossible to operate or
> >> even protect him, and basically, protection for him and others he might
hurt
> >> while driving are your main concerns. See an Elder law attorney and get
his
> >> advice, and try to get the physical.
> >>
> >> Sue
> >> At 11:35 AM 2/15/98 -0500, you wrote:
> >> >
> >> >My father-in-law has not been diagnosed with AD, but my husband, Tom,
> >> >and I know he is in early stages. His mother died from it, and he has
> >> >all the symptoms: short-term memory problems, trouble finding the words
> >> >he wants to use and, most of all, nasty personality changes! He has
> >> >become impossible to be around. Nothing pleases him. He is rude to
> >> >strangers in public, and belligerant and verbally abusive to his
> >> >children. He misplaces something, and then accuses Tom of taking it. He
> >> >expects Tom to drop everything (including job responsibilities) to come
> >> >running when he wants something. If Tom doesn't do it, he explodes,
> >> >calls him all kinds of names and threatens to cut him out of the will.
> >> >
> >> >Several weeks ago, Dad had a third heart attack (he's also had two
> >> >strokes). He was borderline being able to live alone in his own home
> >> >before. He has little use of his right arm and wears a brace on the
> >> >right leg. Now he is weaker than ever, and his mental deterioration has
> >> >progressed in recent weeks. We feel he is no longer capable of living
> >> >alone. He refuses to go to an assisted-living community, so Tom has been
> >> >trying to find a live-in companion. Now Dad says he won't pay anyone to
> >> >come in (he can afford it, but he's tight). He wants to find "some
> >> >homeless person" to move in and travel around the country with him. He
> >> >also continues to drive, despite his physical and mental impairments,
> >> >and we know that's a danger. We're at our wits end.
> >> >
> >> >We know that legally we can't force him to do anything without having
> >> >him declared incompetent, and we know that is difficult to do. The
> >> >problem is he is borderline. He still has periods, particularly early in
> >> >the day, when he is somewhat rational. He can dress and bathe himself,
> >> >but little else. He can't cook, do laundry or anything like that.
> >> >
> >> >The bottom line is he shouldn't be driving or living alone, but what can
> >> >we do? Any advice?
> >> >
> >> >Karen
> >> >
> >> >
> >
> >
> >
> >