Sue,

Thanks for responding. Tom's name is on his father's asset accounts as co-owner,
but he does not have POA. And the man is so irrational right now, I doubt he
would agree to it. As for the physical, he has had one by the family doctor. The
doctor's attitude was "Let's not bother with tests. So what if he has AD." True
story. And we can't get Dad to see another doctor because, of course, he says
there is nothing wrong with him. So we're stuck.

Karen

Sue Petrovski wrote:

> Karen,
>
> Does your husband have POA? Seems to me that there are two things you can
> do right now:
> 1. Be sure you get the legal stuff taken care of, if possible.
> (POA etc/)
> 2. Insist he get a physical and get a diagnosis. It could be
> something treatable.
>
> Right now, without these two things, it's almost impossible to operate or
> even protect him, and basically, protection for him and others he might hurt
> while driving are your main concerns. See an Elder law attorney and get his
> advice, and try to get the physical.
>
> Sue
> At 11:35 AM 2/15/98 -0500, you wrote:
> >
> >My father-in-law has not been diagnosed with AD, but my husband, Tom,
> >and I know he is in early stages. His mother died from it, and he has
> >all the symptoms: short-term memory problems, trouble finding the words
> >he wants to use and, most of all, nasty personality changes! He has
> >become impossible to be around. Nothing pleases him. He is rude to
> >strangers in public, and belligerant and verbally abusive to his
> >children. He misplaces something, and then accuses Tom of taking it. He
> >expects Tom to drop everything (including job responsibilities) to come
> >running when he wants something. If Tom doesn't do it, he explodes,
> >calls him all kinds of names and threatens to cut him out of the will.
> >
> >Several weeks ago, Dad had a third heart attack (he's also had two
> >strokes). He was borderline being able to live alone in his own home
> >before. He has little use of his right arm and wears a brace on the
> >right leg. Now he is weaker than ever, and his mental deterioration has
> >progressed in recent weeks. We feel he is no longer capable of living
> >alone. He refuses to go to an assisted-living community, so Tom has been
> >trying to find a live-in companion. Now Dad says he won't pay anyone to
> >come in (he can afford it, but he's tight). He wants to find "some
> >homeless person" to move in and travel around the country with him. He
> >also continues to drive, despite his physical and mental impairments,
> >and we know that's a danger. We're at our wits end.
> >
> >We know that legally we can't force him to do anything without having
> >him declared incompetent, and we know that is difficult to do. The
> >problem is he is borderline. He still has periods, particularly early in
> >the day, when he is somewhat rational. He can dress and bathe himself,
> >but little else. He can't cook, do laundry or anything like that.
> >
> >The bottom line is he shouldn't be driving or living alone, but what can
> >we do? Any advice?
> >
> >Karen
> >
> >