My father-in-law has not been diagnosed with AD, but my husband, Tom,
and I know he is in early stages. His mother died from it, and he has
all the symptoms: short-term memory problems, trouble finding the words
he wants to use and, most of all, nasty personality changes! He has
become impossible to be around. Nothing pleases him. He is rude to
strangers in public, and belligerant and verbally abusive to his
children. He misplaces something, and then accuses Tom of taking it. He
expects Tom to drop everything (including job responsibilities) to come
running when he wants something. If Tom doesn't do it, he explodes,
calls him all kinds of names and threatens to cut him out of the will.

Several weeks ago, Dad had a third heart attack (he's also had two
strokes). He was borderline being able to live alone in his own home
before. He has little use of his right arm and wears a brace on the
right leg. Now he is weaker than ever, and his mental deterioration has
progressed in recent weeks. We feel he is no longer capable of living
alone. He refuses to go to an assisted-living community, so Tom has been
trying to find a live-in companion. Now Dad says he won't pay anyone to
come in (he can afford it, but he's tight). He wants to find "some
homeless person" to move in and travel around the country with him. He
also continues to drive, despite his physical and mental impairments,
and we know that's a danger. We're at our wits end.

We know that legally we can't force him to do anything without having
him declared incompetent, and we know that is difficult to do. The
problem is he is borderline. He still has periods, particularly early in
the day, when he is somewhat rational. He can dress and bathe himself,
but little else. He can't cook, do laundry or anything like that.

The bottom line is he shouldn't be driving or living alone, but what can
we do? Any advice?

Karen