Hello Ana,

I am sorry to hear of the difficulties you have had with your AA.  I will tell you that it was at age 31 that I really began to accept myself for who I am and not let AA decide what I can or can’t do.  I no longer let it rule any part of my life.  I am 34.  So, who knows, maybe the next 3 years will be as happy and full of growth for you as they have been for me.  I hope so. 

Regarding children, my father has AA.  I am one of his eleven children (all of us from the same 2 parents) and I am the only one with any signs of AA.  And I will tell you honestly, with all of my heart, that I have no remorse.  I would not trade my father for anything in the world.  What if he had decided not to have children for fear of passing on the AA?  Where would I be?  My 10 siblings are my best friends in the world, next to my husband.  What would I do with out them?  I am and will be forever grateful that my father did not let his AA be a factor in deciding whether or not to have children.

For my own part, having children has been the most rewarding part of my existence.  I am now the mother of 4 beautiful children.  One is adopted and the other 3 (ages 7, 5, and 4months) have no signs of AA.  I hope and pray that they never have to go through what I have with AA but no matter what, your children are going to have trials in this life.  If it is not AA, it will be something else.  I hope and believe that I am a stronger person because of what I have learned from my AA and I also think that I am a better mother and that my children will be able to benefit from what I have learned and how it has shaped my identity and my definition of beauty.  In my opinion, my daughters are gorgeous.  They are both tall and thin with long blonde hair, blue eyes, and lovely features.  People often ask me if my oldest daughter is going to model.  My girls know that they are beautiful but I do not focus on outer beauty with them.  We constantly talk about how each person is different and I do not focus on the world’s definition of “beauty”.  I want my girls to know (and my boys too) that they are beautiful because of who they are on the inside and I am working hard to help them develop those traits and talents that they have within themselves to become truly beautiful individuals.

On another note, you might be interested to know that my father now has 60 grandchildren and 6 great grandchildren.  Two of the grandchildren have AA, but only tiny patches that nobody notices.  But here is the CRAZY THING.  One of the grandchildren is adopted and has absolutely NO BLOOD RELATION to my father.  How strange is that?  So, you never know.  My sister didn’t give birth and pass on the AA but her son has it anyway.

This is all just my opinion.  To me, motherhood is the most important thing I could be involved with and I love it.  My life would feel so empty with out my children.  Others feel very differently and maybe some could even think that I am wrong or selfish for having children when I have alopecia.  But hey, my husband has flat feet and poor eyesight (he’s had lasik surgery for that).  And nobody told him not to have children!  Haha.  J 

Perhaps I have inherited AA from my father but if I have also inherited anything of his wisdom, spirituality, knowledge, talents, kindness, or love then it is all worth having the AA.

I hope that as you reach out and start to feel less alone with this disease (I also suggest you join Alopecia World) then you will feel less ruled by it.  You will be able to feel free.  Whether or not you have children is a huge decision.  I cannot tell you whether trying to become a mother is the right thing for you, but I do firmly believe that your AA should not play a role in your decision.

Sincerely,

Shannon

P.S.  There is a picture of me and my father on this site if you’d like to see it.