Hi,
I feel like even though I grew up in a bad environment that I was a
happy carefree kid but then when I got to high school I started
really using drugs and alcohol. I was never happy with who I was,
what I was doing or achieving and where my life was headed. I went to
college and moved away from my whole family and started feeling
really out of sorts after about a year of living away from home. I
went to my college's health center where I was given anti-depressants
and was told to reduce my stress. I switched meds a bunch of times
because I wasn't being relieved of any symptoms, and I eventually
just stopped taking my medication all together. In the next few years
I self-medicated my illness again with drugs and alcohol, until I hit
another major depressive episode and was again prescribed anti-
depressants by my primary care doctor. When I came to her with
concerns that I didn't feel like any of my symptoms were even
lessening, she just upped the dosage. I was taking an anti-depressant
at very high doses with no relief and on top of it I was gaining a
lot of weight which made me feel worse. Finally on a referral (from a
psychology student!) I visited a psychiatrist that specialized in
mood disorders. She diagnosed me with bipolar and put me on Lamictal
(sp?) and Celexa but I haven't had any relief of my depression.
     I feel like I'm constantly damaging my personal relationships by
being paranoid and anxious, my depression is worsening and everything
in my life is beginning to suffer AGAIN!! I feel like people around
me lie and hide things. I don't feel like I have the support of
anyone who understands so that's why I'm here.