Thankyou for responding to my email.My mother had gotten a temporary
restraining order but,when I came back home my mother didn't follow through so
there was never a permanent one.I'm not a vengeful person and never wanted my
sister to be banned from my mother as my mother loves her.My sister is her
favorite.I had noone to turn to when I was a child.Both my parents were
alcoholics and both were abusive to each other as well and my sister and I. I
will share some of my childhood with you.
My sister and I were born in Toronto Canada and my mother and father used to
leave us alone at night so they could go out and get drunk.I also remember once
they took us to a movie theater and had the usher babysit us while they went to
the nearest bar to get drunkI was around 5 years old.There was a man sitting
behind me and he stuck his feet between my chair and was touching my behind.I
was terrified..Years ago my mother told me that my father would also bring men
home from the bars and would let them sleep with my sister and I when we were 7
and 8 years old.She was just as guilty because she didn't stop it from
happening.I know I have disassociated from memories when I was young but,had a
memory come back around 11 years ago of my father kissing me on the mouth and
his saliva was on my mouth.(he was drunk) and I didn't want him to do it but,was
afraid if I told him to stop he would get mad at me so I waited until he was
finished and went to my bedroom and wiped his saliva off my mouth.When I
remembered this I called my mother and asked her if daddy ever paid any
attention to my sister and I.(I didn't tell her what I remembered) She told me
only when he was drunk so I can only imagine what he did to us.We moved to
Tarrytown Ny when I was 8 years old and went to New Brunswick Canada to visit my
fathers family when I was 10.I had a cousin who molested me at that time.I was
sleeping with his sister and one night I felt something on my chest.I awoke to
see him going down the stairs and noticed my pajama top had been unbuttoned.I
waited awhile and he came back upstairs and turned on the light.My eyes were
squiching from the light and I looked him in the eye and asked him what he was
doing.He just looked at me turned off the light and went back downstairs.I told
my mother and she didn't believe me.She said I was dreaming so,when I was 12 I
almost got raped and didn't tell anyone.I wasn't validated.I have very little
memory of my father growing up and I suspect he did alot of sexual things to
me.this is a small part of what I went through as a child.There were no healthy
boundries and no comunication only yelling screaming and beatings.I remeber when
I was 12 my father was beating my mother and I jumped on his back and tried to
stop him.Well he stopped beating her and grabbed me and sat me on his lap
covered my nose and mouth and I couldn't breathe.I thought he was going to kill
me..He finally stoped and I gasped for air..I aslo remember once we went to
niagra falls. he held me over the railing in his arms and I was screaming please
daddy stop and he was laughing at my fear.I was scared to death.
When I was 19 I got heavy into drugs I was an intervenous drug user and a
prostitute for 13 yearsand also a lousy mother.People like us don't know how to
raise a child and there are so many of us out there.I went to Na AA
psychotheraphy the works thoroughout my life.I became an athiest about 10 years
ago.I guess I've seen too much to believe there is a god.
Anyway,my mother is safe in the nursing home and when my sister visits she is
watched by the nurses.My sister is not allowed to take my mother for walks
outside the nursing home.They know what my sister did to her.Also I did in fact
have a nervous breakdown and also was dillusional when I went into the hospital
a few weeks ago.I lost interest in everything when I came back from ny in
may.and was eating very little.I went form 120 lbs to 106 lbs.I believe I would
have died if I hadn't sought help. Ty for letting me share my pain Suzanne

From: Apacapacas
To: adult_children_of_child_abuse@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Wednesday, October 07, 2009 5:41 PM
Subject: [AdultChildrenOfChildAbuse] Elderly Abuse


Suzanne -

Thank you for reaching out to us. I'm glad you're feeling better and
that you managed to get your mom's affairs straightened out. What a
wonderful note to receive from your daughter! She sounds like a great
person - you can't have done EVERYTHING wrong when you were raising her!

I'm glad you didn't have a mental or nervous breakdown after all.
Sometimes things seem to overwhelm us and we're not sure what's going on
in our minds. But it sounds like you've made some good decisions
regarding your mom and sister. I imagine it's hard on your mom to have
to leave her apartment, but you're right; she isn't safe there. Did you
get a permanent restraining order or just a temporary one?

I hope you, your mom, and your daughter don't have trouble from your
sister in the future. You're one strong lady, though, and can no doubt
handle whatever she throws at you!

Blessings,

Terry S
--
"Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn't seem to
crack. Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces." - Ann Morrow
Lindbergh, 1906 - 2001

Suzanne wrote:
> hi,I hadn't been strong enoough to comunicate with the list since I joined
but,am ready to share now as I need to.When I joined the list I was on the verge
of a nervous breakdown which now they call post partum depression and I was also
dellusional and also marijuana abuse.I also was having anxiety attacks and was
hospitalized for a week in a mental ward.The reason this happened was,I since
last October was being abused by my sister.My mother is 86 years old and had a
stroke 2 years ago and the doctor told my mother she could not live alone so my
mother begged my sister to quit her job to stay with her so she wouldn't have to
go in a nursing home.My mother gave her full access to her checking and savings
and my sister went through virtually all her life savings and stopped paying her
life insurance policy and ran credit cards up.She went through approximately
70.000 and let my mother with under 10.000 dollars.I live in louisiana and my
mother and sister live in New york..I
also have my youngest daughter who also lives in New york.My daughter called
me back in October and told me whst was going on.I immediately contacted the
police where they live and adult protection took on the case.The problem was
that my mother was and still is considered to be of sound mind wouldn't tell
adult protection what my sister was doing to her because she wanted to stay in
her apartment that she had lived in for 35 years with her 2 cats.So for 6 months
I had to listen to the horror stories of what my sister was doing to her.I may I
flew to New york for 2 reasons,to say my goodbye to my mother before she died
and and also to try to help her help herself.Well the day before I was to come
back home walked into family court and gotr a restraining order and the next day
before my fflight home my mother,daughter and I went to my mothers bank and put
all the accounts back in her name.When I came back home I joined your list.I
knew something was wrong but,didn't know how
badly.I regressed back to that little child.I would sit at my pc and lost
interest in all the things I used to do.I had thoughs of noone loved me or heard
me and felt invisible.2 weeks ago it came to a head.I never had an anxiety
attack in my life and when I did I thought I was dying.I thought I swallowed my
tongue.I called paramedics and they took me to a hospital where the doctor in
the emergny room gave me some bogus medicine to relax my tongue and his
diagnosis is that I was choking.the next day I called the paramedics again
complaining of dizziness.They took my vitals and left my on my porch dizzy.I
couldn't catch my breath.The last time I called 911 again and they sent a police
officer out.He asked me why I couldn't drive myself to the hospital.I had never
had anxiety attacks before so I couldn't explain what was happening to me.When
the officer left I remember screeming on my front porch somebody help me! Well I
finally in an anxiety attack drove to a hospital and they
put me on the mental ward.I stayed for 1 week.the first day there I still
thought something was physically wrong with me.I called my daughter and told her
that she had to get me outta there after all I did for her.(guilt trip) The next
day I realized it was mental and when my daughter came to visit me I told her I
loved her and that I hurt her and I was sorry.You see,I was a lousy mother.I had
no parenting skills as my parents had none either.The following day when my
daughter came to visit me she gave me a card and I would like to share what my
daughter wrote on that card from her heart.
>
> Dear mom,
> No worry,let go of what happened in the past.You were the best mother you
knew how to be.It's not your fault at all you had no idea you were not being a
good mother.You stayed by my side through all the ups and downs so now today we
can climb up up up.I'm here for you just like you were here for me.Believe me
it's my pleasure.I love you not every day but,forever.You've traveled a long
hard road.Now you have a bright new beginning ahead of you and the sails are
up.Take me with you please.We all have needs physical and mental and I know
better than anyone else that none of your needs were ever met.You found a way to
survive through many wars and you will win this one.Even though you didn't
create the war,soldier is who you are with no training,no guns,no gear no
shelter.Wow! you managed to come this far without all of that!!!! I am impressed
and proud of you. My mom is a survivor
> Your loving daughter,Rhonda.
>
> This letter from my daughter was the greatest gift I have ever recieved from
her...
> My mother is now safe in a nursing home.




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