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----- Original Message -----
From: Julie Fast


Subject: My Teenage Bipolar Story



Straight Talk for Parents of Teens with Bipolar Disorder: Part One



February 5, 2008
My Teenage Bipolar Story



In This Issue
Straight Talk for Parents of Teens with Bipolar Disorder

My Teenage Bipolar Story

The next three newsletters are for a specific group of people, parent of
teens with bipolar - but I think that all readers can get ideas from the
straight talk topic!



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I started to get depressed around age 16. It was assumed that I was just
an unhappy and typical teenager- my depression was never suicidal, so it really
wasn't even seen as depression- instead I was just difficult and negative. I
just remember being so UNHAPPY. I didn't like myself or my body- I had a lot of
friends - but never felt good enough. I didn't date - despite interest from guys
and I certainly didn't do the wild stuff that other kids my age did. I wasn't
morose- I can't even say that I was depressed enough for others to comment on
it. My dad was in the military so we moved all of the time- this made it hard
to tell if my unhappiness was from the moving or from something truly wrong.



It's hard to put it all in words. I just don't have good memories of age
16.



Year 17



Then everything changed. I went to Europe in 1980 when I was 17. For one
month I was terrifically happy. I lost weight. I made a ton of friends. I loved
every second of the trip. And even now, I remember almost every day of the
adventure with photographic memory. It was my first hypomanic episode- and no
one knew it- certainly not myself- because I was in Europe and none of my family
saw my behavior. When I got back to Hawaii, where I went to high school- the
happy feeling ended. I just couldn't understand it. What happened? I got unhappy
again and though there were certainly many good times, I was depressed off and
on until I graduated at age 18.



Year 18



I left home as soon as I finished high school. I loved my parents, but
couldn't wait to get away. I went to Auburn University in Alabama for the summer
quarter and my gosh I had fun! I got to stay with my grandparents- I fell in
love with a football player- I had roommates and did really well in my classes.
I felt like a new person! Of course, you know what this means- it was my second
hypomanic episode. And just like the first one, I have a photographic memory of
the time. When my crush on the football player ended -he told me he had a
girlfriend who would be there the next week- I just went down - way down. We had
never even had a date- but we certainly flirted daily. I was truly stunned by
his not telling me the truth. I was pretty naïve! This was my first down swing
caused by a situation with a guy. I had no idea it was bipolar of course- so I
had no way of understanding my intense reaction to the situation.



I remember ending the summer wondering where the good feelings went. I
didn't connect the time in Europe with this summer at all. That is the danger of
hypomania! It just felt so good and so real- so I naturally thought it was the
real me! It's usually possible to tell that depression is unnatural- but
hypomania feels too good to be unnatural. I chased that hypomanic feeling for
over 15 years before I knew what it really was.



At 18 I went to another college in Washington State. I was excited about
my new life. I started to date- and started a pattern of extremely erratic
behavior with men. I had no judgment and my moods were very dependent on the
behavior of others. I spent more time worrying about guys than going to class. I
got my first boyfriend - a pretty amazing guy in Canada and started to fail all
of my classes. It was so bad I actually went to a counselor at school- I was not
even asked questions about my mental health- just questions about my 'life.' Why
didn't I try harder? Why couldn't I just go to class like everyone else? etc.
There was absolutely no talk of bipolar II at that time- and for the first time
and certainly not the last- I slipped through the cracks of the system. My
parents had no idea what was going on- my grandparents were ups et- and I was
pretty much out of touch with reality. I flunked out of school and moved in with
my boyfriend in Canada. When he finally broke up with me- deservedly so- I went
into a suicidal episode that lasted for months.



Year 19



I moved in with my parents and I remember riding my bike down a small
highway thinking- "I wish a bus would hit me and I could die. I want to die. I
want to die." I never actively thought of killing myself, thank god, because I
certainly would have tried if my brain had told me to do it. I was 19- I had
flunked out of school! This just didn't happen in my family. My parents had no
idea with to do with someone who was, "so smart!" I was constantly asked what
was wrong- but I just didn't know. Eventually I went back to normal and took a
job in Montana as a manger of a small diner at Glacier National Park. Guess what
happened? A blissful summer full of drinking, men, money and fun. This doesn't
sound too healthy now- but it wasn't atypical for a 19 year old- everyone else
was basically acting the same way! So, once again, I was j ust seen as a wild
girl who drank too much and couldn't get her act together! "What is wrong with
you Julie!" was a typical question. "What are you going to do with your life!" I
came back from Glacier and had a period of stability. I then moved to Seattle-
got a waitress job and went into a pretty normal teenage life: drinking
regularly, lots of boyfriends, parties, wasting money and always looking for
fun. (I'm joking when I say I was a regular teenager!) I never saw the previous
three years for what they were- three years of constant rapid cycling bipolar
disorder. No one saw it- least of all my parents. How could they? I was a
teenager and this is just what troublesome teenagers did, right!



To be honest, I did a lot of dangerous things during this time-
unprotected se**x, excessive drinking and drunk driving, theft - and then things
would even out and I would go back to normal. I remember being so high that I
would stay out all night partying. And I remember being so down I would sob
until I choked. Who knows what was immaturity, stupidity or bipolar? I can only
look back and wonder.



**

That is the story of my teens- I feel sadness when I see it in black and
white- because it's all so obvious now - and it just wasn't obvious then.



My Story is Not Abnormal! (At least not for teenagers with bipolar
disorder)



I tell my story so that parents can know that what their teenage children
with bipolar disorder go through is probably similar to my story to some degree.
It's a confusing time- being an adult with bipolar disorder is hard enough -
being a teenager with the illness is .... difficult.

**



The next newsletter will give parents tips on how they can differentiate
'normal' teenage behavior from bipolar behavior. This is the only way a
teenager can get the help needed to manage bipolar successfully. The good news
is that there are MANY, MANY ways you can help a teenager manage the illness
successfully.



And...... If you're a teenager with the illness - I hope it helps to read
my story. You're not alone!



Julie

www.bipolarhappens.com



If you would like to ask a question or give a comment on the topic of
parents of teenagers with bipolar disorder, send a reply to
comments@... - Please note that I will not be able to answer
these email- but I will read them all. Please put 'teenage bipolar' disorder in
the subject line.


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