Straight Talk for Parents of TeeIn the hope that this can help children and
their parents...
----- Original Message -----
From: Julie Fast

Sent: Thursday, February 07, 2008 5:44 PM
Subject: Straight Talk for Parents of Teens with Bipolar Disorder: Part Two



Straight Talk for Parents of Teens with Bipolar Disorder: Part Two



February 7, 2008




In This Issue
Straight Talk for Parents of Teens with Bipolar Disorder - Part Two



The next newsletter will be part three of Straight Talk for Parents of
Teens with Bipolar Disorder.



Although this is a newsletter series for parents- all of us with bipolar
disorder will find it interesting, because we all have our teenage stories!



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In part one of this series, I told my story of how I was very obviously
bipolar when I was a teenager- but had no idea what was going on! My mother read
the newsletter and said, "We didn't think there was something wrong with you-
you just seemed typical- you weren't way out there ever. You were bored, but not
to the point that we thought we had to do anything about it. I had no idea about
the mania. I wondered why you didn't do more things with your intelligence and
that kind of stuff- but not even to the point that you would even be classed as
ADHD."

She was right- I didn't have severe depression. I lived at home and all
of my hypomania was away from home. She never saw me hypomanic until I was 23 -
(wow, that was a bad one!) All of my mania happened during trips. I was wild at
least a few times a year, but never in the presence of my family! I find it
amazing that I started with more mania than depression, because once I hit my
later twenties- it was 99% depression. What a tricky illness.

A Friend's Story

I asked a friend of mine who has bipolar I to tell me her teenage story.
She said, "I was mostly depressed when I was a teenager. I don't remember being
manic." After she wrote out her story she called and said, "Julie. I can't
believe it. I can see I was manic. I went to five proms!"

Here is my friend's story:

I had my first depressive episode at 17. I was so depressed I couldn't
understand anything in school, even though I had been an honors student. When
my sister, my main support, left for college, I didn't want to live. I
overdosed on Contact and when I realized what I had done, I called an ambulance
and got my stomach pumped. And then, as though it never happened, I started
feeling better.
But then I lost my period for 8 months and was feeling depressed the
following year. At the same time the following year, I overdosed on pills and
went through the same thing over again. My parents, divorced then, stood over
the hospital cot, blaming each other. But get this, even though I had two major
depressive episodes, I ended up going to five proms, yes five. And I did well
in school, taking all the AP classes. Because I had some upswings. I can see
that now. I believe I was undiagnosed as BP, and had been treated by an
incompetent doctor for a couple of years. I don't remember what he put me on.
I remember feeling sedated in high school. It wasn't until 1990, when
anti-depressants were spoken of that I started taking them which then in turn
made me go manic and was finally diagnosed as having bipolar disorder.

**

If you're a parent of a teen with bipolar disorder, here are some tips for
helping your child while helping yourself. These are general tips. I know that
many of you are in crisis. That is a separate topic- one I will address in the
future.

#1 Know that your teenager may have no idea what is happening: Being a
teenager is confusing. They are just beginning to learn about themselves and how
they interact with the world. Their brains are immature- in other words they are
literally still growing. Because of this, the maturity to deal with the symptoms
caused by bipolar disorder is very limited. They don't want to hurt you- they
don't want to run away or refuse meds. They want to be happy. Doesn't everyone?
So, when they yell, act up, leave, take drugs, have promiscuous sex, hear
voices, have nightmares, flunk out of school, say mean and untrue things, try to
kill themselves or make you feel like a terrible or ineffectual parent-
remember, this is an illness. This doesn't excuse their behavior at all- it
still hurts and damages families- but you need this understanding before you can
start a successful treatment plan wit h your child.

#2 Write down your teenager's symptoms: All of them. As you know from the
Health Cards, we can only treat what we understand. Get out a yellow pad and on
the top of each page write: depression, mania, OCD, anxiety and psychosis. Then,
on each page write as much as you can regarding what your teenager says and
does. Once you have a list, memorize it- this is how you know what is bipolar
behavior and what is teenage behavior. For example, typical teenagers get angry,
but they don't beat up strangers; typical teenagers have 'low self esteem' but
they do NOT try to kill themselves; typical teenagers may want to stay up all
night- but they get tired. Kids with bipolar can stay up all night and not get
tired - or simply can't sleep at all. As you can see, you can learn the
differences. I use the Health Cards for this- and yes, I started with yellow
pads!

#3 Read books on bipolar disorder - all that you can find. Especially mine
as they are written by someone who was a teenager with the illness- even if your
child will not listen to you or even admit they have the illness after they are
diagnosed, you have to know all that you can. This helps you have compassion and
understanding versus constant confusion and frustration. Remember, just because
you may have a teenager who won't read- you can. You have to know what you're up
against before you can help your teenager get better.

#4 Give your child a yellow pad with the same words on the top that you
used and say, "Please tell me what you feel when you have these mood swings. I
want to know what you're going through." Many kids can write down what they
can't say. There are many teens who have bipolar disorder and accept the
diagnosis, but they are often very confused and not aware of their symptoms.
Seeing them in black and white is comforting- especially if they can compare
them to a list from someone else with the illness. You can then compare your
lists and actually talk about the illness and how you're going to treat each
mood swing separately- this is the foundation for my treatment plan. It changed
my life and the life of my family.

#5 Take care of yourself first. This is an amazingly hard thing to do when
you have an ill child. But you have to do it. Or you will get sick - you will
lose your relationships and have trouble at work. You will lose YOU. This means
you have to get used to feeling guilty, worried, lonely, worthless, hopeless and
very scared. These are often the feelings that come up when you put yourself
before your child. I don't mean to do this all of the time- but you have to do
it often enough to be well enough to get through a crisis. You need to do this
so that you can provide the stability your child desperately needs.

It's Not Fair!

Life is not fair when your child has bipolar disorder. It certainly hasn't
been fair for my family, but we have survived. We get along well - and that is
amazing considering that I was untreated for over 15 years! Creating a
management plan that can be used for the whole family takes a lot of work, but
it can be done. No matter how hard it is now, always remember, your teenagers
will not be teenagers forever- and if you have a plan in place, they will
appreciate it so much when they are adults.

The next newsletter will address the big stuff: refusing the diagnosis,
drugs and alcohol, running away and jail, just to name a few. You are not alone-
at all- if your teenager with bipolar has these problems. Never forget- there
is HOPE. It takes a management plan and a lot of love- but you can have a stable
and happy family.

Julie
www.bipolarhappens.com

Thank you to all who wrote from the first newsletter. I will use many of
the ideas in future writings- they were invaluable. I never use names unless I
ask first, so your privacy is always respected and your support is always
appreciated.

In the last newsletter I asked for stories from parents, this time I would
like to hear stories from teenagers. Please reply to this email with 'teenage
bipolar' in the subject line and answer this question- What do you want and need
your parents to know about you and how it feels to live with a bipolar disorder
diagnosis? If you're no longer a teenager- feel free to write about what you
wish your parents had known. Please let me know if I can use your letter in a
newsletter. And parents, if you have a child who is angry or refuses to accept a
bipolar diagnosis, they can write and tell me why. I won't judge them at all.


BipolarHappens.com

P.O. Box 86728
Portland, OR
97286
US


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