I had my last therapy session of the year, due to the fact I am having stitches
removed from my eye surgery last year. That's going to be fun, not! Only a few
eye drops and I'll be done. 5 minute procedure and that needs to be done at the
hospital. I think its waste of hospital time and effort even for me to be
there, but oh well.

The reason I told you about that is because today was the last day until next
year I'll be seen by my therapist. After all this time he finally dragged out
what angers me. Yes I do have an anger problem. Anyway, I get defensive way to
easy. Anything can set me to be defensive and when I do I get upset and anger.
This anger can be throwing fists, arms, legs, or my voice even. Somtimes I let
it build up inside and then I do irrational things. I don't really mean to he
says, but I have to choose between let it slide off my back and forget it or let
it build up and then do the irrational thing(s).

This came up because of my last job at Target Store. Yes I was there if you
didn't know. I told him what happened on my last day to the best of my ability.
He said I had a choice to get angery or let it be. He thinks if I didn't get
angery this time by saying there is nothing for me to do with them I may still
have a job today.

OK, now your asking probably what did happen. SOme know some don't. I lost my
contact lens. I told managers about it. They said if I couldn't see I
shouldn't be pushing shopping carts. Yep I was that dreaded job of bringing
them back to the store...someone had to. I was also a very limited cashier.
Anyway, one night I lost my contact lens. I said nothing for a day or two at
work. Then I told management. They said if I couldn't see well, we can't have
you push carts or cashier. You may run into a car or a car run into you. As
cashier you may be giving out wrong change. So, what can we do for you? I said
I know nothing about selling a product off the shelf. I can still cashier
though. I can tell what money is what, but they didn't want to hear it. I can
still push carts. THey then said you are pushing carts wrong and we can't have
that. I got upset saying ok what or how am I doing that wrong. They then
returned with going too slow for one (argh), and two sometimes you go in the
wrong door. Excuse me, if customers (we called them guests though), are
blocking my way am I to say excuse me till they hear me so I get through the
door? That is exactly what they wanted. I said but that'll waste time if they
don't hear me. I hate to repeat myself a billion times. They didn't seem to
listen to me anyway those managers. HOwever they still thought I could do
something. I had no idea what. To me perfume is perfume no matter what name is
on the bottle. Same with Jewelery. Clothes well their's S, M, L, XL, etc.
LOL. I'm pathetic. Anyway I said fine, here is my badge so long. I'll give ya
two days. Well I didn't give them 2 days notice anyway, I returned my badge the
next day. I know it's rediculous but its true.

The reason I brought that up is my therapist thought I can still find a job. I
said, I fear of them asking questions. He responded you can't predict the
future. If you could you would be wealthy and doing it for a profession. I was
ready to tell him I couild really predict some futures, (hint I am not going to
with you)...He proceeded saying first you got to get less defensive. THat may
help your anger problem. THen your anger problem be solved then you don't have
to have much more stress. That would then reduce number of headaches
(possiblity). I see his point on that. HOwever I told him my headaches are
probably caffiene withdrawal and he said it could be but this is not his
expertise...but stress can cause headaches too. But since he forgot his coffee
this morning he is having a small headache today. OH man, thanks for telling
me.

So that was my day at therapy. Before therapy was my caseworker. She had a
last minute Christmas Shopping thing to do, and asked me to hold her hand...not
literally but you know. SHe wanted company to go to WalMart. SHe lied in a way
saying only to get Razors for her boyfriend. Well she also bought a few
cheeseballs, crackers, turkey pepproni. SO much for razors. It was not too
crazy in there but it was starting to when we left. She then took me out for
lunch again. We both got the salad bar. We were in a rush to get me to
therapy. I was early though. LOL. I didn't have much to talk to her about...so
I wonder what she thinks of me being so quiet. As you can tell I do have a lot
to talk about, but not to her.

Well that was my day. I am knocking on wood again for not having a headache.
If you got wood near ya, please knock it for me too. LOL.

OK, well this may be the last email for a while due to the holidays. I will be
watching my e-mail box though. There are no plans to do much. We may go over
to dad's cousins for Christmas Eve (Dec. 24th) night for a bit to visit the
familes. Some kid will be santa for the real youngsters. I won't volunteer
that. I be hating to get all sweaty and miserable. If you need something I
should be available to talk to through e-mail.

Take care ok? Love you all!

--
Your friend always;
Chris