If you like Dave Berry, you will enjoy this.....



The Difference Between Men and Women

(By Dave Barry)



Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He

asks her out to dinner; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A

few nights later he asks her out again; and again they enjoy

themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a

while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.



And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to

Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you

realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly

six months?"



And then there is silence in the car.



To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: I

wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling

confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him

into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.



And Roger is thinking: Wow! Six months.



And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of

relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so

I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going

the way we are, moving steadily toward... I mean, where are we going?

Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy?

Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime

together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even

know this person?



And Roger is thinking: So, that means it was... let's see... February

when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the

dealer's, which means...let me check the odometer... Whoa! I am way

overdue for an oil change here.



And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe

I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our

relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed,

even before I sensed it, that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I

bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his

own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.



And Roger is thinking: And I'm going to have them look at the

transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not

shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold

weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees and this thing

is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves

$600.



And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be

angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't

help the way I feel.



I'm just not sure.



And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day

warranty... idiots.



And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a

knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right

next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person

I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A

person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic

fantasy.



And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They'd better not say its only a

90-day warranty.



"Roger," Elaine says aloud.



"What?" says Roger, startled.



"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes

beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have... Oh my, I

feel so... (She breaks down, sobbing.)



"What?" says Roger.



"I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I

really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."



"There's no horse?" says Roger.



"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.



"No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.



"It's just that...it's that I...I need some time," Elaine says.



There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can,

tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one

that he thinks might work. "Yes," he says.



Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand. "Oh, Roger, do you really feel

that way?" she says.



"What way?" says Roger.



"That way about time," says Elaine.



"Oh," says Roger. "Yes."



Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him

to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it

involves a horse. At last she speaks.



"Thank you, Roger," she says.



"Thank you," says Roger.



Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted,

tortured soul, and weeps until dawn.



When Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on

the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis

match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in

the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going

on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he

would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he

doesn't think about it.



The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of

them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours.

In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and

everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every

word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering

every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this

subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any

definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.



Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual

friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and

say, "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"



And that's the difference between men and women.

I do not think I have ever read anything so true and so funny.  I am forwarding

this to all my female friends (and maybe one or two male ones).







________________________________

From: teddybear1937 <teddybear1937@...>

To: achangewilldoyougood@yahoogroups.com

Sent: Monday, January 12, 2009 9:38:01 AM

Subject: [ACWDYG ] The Difference Between Men and Women





If you like Dave Berry, you will enjoy this.....



The Difference Between Men and Women

(By Dave Barry)



Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He

asks her out to dinner; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A

few nights later he asks her out again; and again they enjoy

themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a

while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.



And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to

Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you

realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly

six months?"



And then there is silence in the car.



To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: I

wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling

confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him

into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.



And Roger is thinking: Wow! Six months.



And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of

relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so

I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going

the way we are, moving steadily toward... I mean, where are we going?

Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy?

Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime

together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even

know this person?



And Roger is thinking: So, that means it was... let's see... February

when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the

dealer's, which means...let me check the odometer... Whoa! I am way

overdue for an oil change here.



And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe

I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our

relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed,

even before I sensed it, that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I

bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his

own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.



And Roger is thinking: And I'm going to have them look at the

transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not

shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold

weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees and this thing

is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves

$600.



And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be

angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't

help the way I feel.



I'm just not sure.



And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day

warranty... idiots.



And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a

knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right

next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person

I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A

person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic

fantasy.



And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They'd better not say its only a

90-day warranty.



"Roger," Elaine says aloud.



"What?" says Roger, startled.



"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes

beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have... Oh my, I

feel so... (She breaks down, sobbing.)



"What?" says Roger.



"I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I

really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."



"There's no horse?" says Roger.



"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.



"No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.



"It's just that...it's that I...I need some time," Elaine says.



There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can,

tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one

that he thinks might work. "Yes," he says.



Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand. "Oh, Roger, do you really feel

that way?" she says.



"What way?" says Roger.



"That way about time," says Elaine.



"Oh," says Roger. "Yes."



Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him

to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it

involves a horse. At last she speaks.



"Thank you, Roger," she says.



"Thank you," says Roger.



Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted,

tortured soul, and weeps until dawn.



When Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on

the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis

match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in

the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going

on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he

would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he

doesn't think about it.



The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of

them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours.

In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and

everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every

word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering

every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this

subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any

definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.



Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual

friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and

say, "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"



And that's the difference between men and women.













[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

And to top it all off...it was written by a male! Tee hee!





--- In achangewilldoyougood@yahoogroups.com, Phyllis Dobrinsky

<phyldob123@...> wrote:

>

> I do not think I have ever read anything so true and so funny.  I am

forwarding this to all my female friends (and maybe one or two male ones).

>

>

>

> ________________________________

> From: teddybear1937 <teddybear1937@...>

> To: achangewilldoyougood@yahoogroups.com

> Sent: Monday, January 12, 2009 9:38:01 AM

> Subject: [ACWDYG ] The Difference Between Men and Women

>

>

> If you like Dave Berry, you will enjoy this.....

>

> The Difference Between Men and Women

> (By Dave Barry)

>

> Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He

> asks her out to dinner; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A

> few nights later he asks her out again; and again they enjoy

> themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a

> while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

>

> And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to

> Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you

> realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly

> six months?"

>

> And then there is silence in the car.

>

> To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: I

> wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling

> confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him

> into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

>

> And Roger is thinking: Wow! Six months.

>

> And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of

> relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so

> I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going

> the way we are, moving steadily toward... I mean, where are we going?

> Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy?

> Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime

> together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even

> know this person?

>

> And Roger is thinking: So, that means it was... let's see... February

> when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the

> dealer's, which means...let me check the odometer... Whoa! I am way

> overdue for an oil change here.

>

> And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe

> I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our

> relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed,

> even before I sensed it, that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I

> bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his

> own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

>

> And Roger is thinking: And I'm going to have them look at the

> transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not

> shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold

> weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees and this thing

> is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves

> $600.

>

> And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be

> angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't

> help the way I feel.

>

> I'm just not sure.

>

> And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day

> warranty... idiots.

>

> And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a

> knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right

> next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person

> I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A

> person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic

> fantasy.

>

> And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They'd better not say its only a

> 90-day warranty.

>

> "Roger," Elaine says aloud.

>

> "What?" says Roger, startled.

>

> "Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes

> beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have... Oh my, I

> feel so... (She breaks down, sobbing.)

>

> "What?" says Roger.

>

> "I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I

> really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."

>

> "There's no horse?" says Roger.

>

> "You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.

>

> "No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

>

> "It's just that...it's that I...I need some time," Elaine says.

>

> There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can,

> tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one

> that he thinks might work. "Yes," he says.

>

> Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand. "Oh, Roger, do you really feel

> that way?" she says.

>

> "What way?" says Roger.

>

> "That way about time," says Elaine.

>

> "Oh," says Roger. "Yes."

>

> Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him

> to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it

> involves a horse. At last she speaks.

>

> "Thank you, Roger," she says.

>

> "Thank you," says Roger.

>

> Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted,

> tortured soul, and weeps until dawn.

>

> When Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on

> the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis

> match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in

> the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going

> on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he

> would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he

> doesn't think about it.

>

> The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of

> them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours.

> In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and

> everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every

> word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering

> every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this

> subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any

> definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

>

> Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual

> friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and

> say, "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"

>

> And that's the difference between men and women.

>

>

>

>

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

>

figures.







________________________________

From: teddybear1937 <teddybear1937@...>

To: achangewilldoyougood@yahoogroups.com

Sent: Monday, January 12, 2009 5:22:57 PM

Subject: Re: [ACWDYG ] The Difference Between Men and Women





And to top it all off...it was written by a male! Tee hee!



--- In achangewilldoyougoo d@yahoogroups. com, Phyllis Dobrinsky

<phyldob123@ ...> wrote:

>

> I do not think I have ever read anything so true and so funny.  I am

forwarding this to all my female friends (and maybe one or two male ones).

>

>

>

> ____________ _________ _________ __

> From: teddybear1937 <teddybear1937@ ...>

> To: achangewilldoyougoo d@yahoogroups. com

> Sent: Monday, January 12, 2009 9:38:01 AM

> Subject: [ACWDYG ] The Difference Between Men and Women

>

>

> If you like Dave Berry, you will enjoy this.....

>

> The Difference Between Men and Women

> (By Dave Barry)

>

> Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He

> asks her out to dinner; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A

> few nights later he asks her out again; and again they enjoy

> themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a

> while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

>

> And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to

> Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you

> realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly

> six months?"

>

> And then there is silence in the car.

>

> To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: I

> wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling

> confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him

> into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

>

> And Roger is thinking: Wow! Six months.

>

> And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of

> relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so

> I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going

> the way we are, moving steadily toward... I mean, where are we going?

> Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy?

> Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime

> together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even

> know this person?

>

> And Roger is thinking: So, that means it was... let's see... February

> when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the

> dealer's, which means...let me check the odometer... Whoa! I am way

> overdue for an oil change here.

>

> And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe

> I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our

> relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed,

> even before I sensed it, that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I

> bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his

> own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

>

> And Roger is thinking: And I'm going to have them look at the

> transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not

> shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold

> weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees and this thing

> is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves

> $600.

>

> And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be

> angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't

> help the way I feel.

>

> I'm just not sure.

>

> And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day

> warranty... idiots.

>

> And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a

> knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right

> next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person

> I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A

> person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic

> fantasy.

>

> And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They'd better not say its only a

> 90-day warranty.

>

> "Roger," Elaine says aloud.

>

> "What?" says Roger, startled.

>

> "Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes

> beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have... Oh my, I

> feel so... (She breaks down, sobbing.)

>

> "What?" says Roger.

>

> "I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I

> really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."

>

> "There's no horse?" says Roger.

>

> "You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.

>

> "No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

>

> "It's just that...it's that I...I need some time," Elaine says.

>

> There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can,

> tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one

> that he thinks might work. "Yes," he says.

>

> Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand. "Oh, Roger, do you really feel

> that way?" she says.

>

> "What way?" says Roger.

>

> "That way about time," says Elaine.

>

> "Oh," says Roger. "Yes."

>

> Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him

> to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it

> involves a horse. At last she speaks.

>

> "Thank you, Roger," she says.

>

> "Thank you," says Roger.

>

> Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted,

> tortured soul, and weeps until dawn.

>

> When Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on

> the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis

> match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in

> the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going

> on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he

> would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he

> doesn't think about it.

>

> The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of

> them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours.

> In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and

> everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every

> word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering

> every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this

> subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any

> definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

>

> Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual

> friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and

> say, "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"

>

> And that's the difference between men and women.

>

>

>

>

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

>













[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]