Hello Connie. It is great to have you on board and I hope that this
message board helps you, at least in some small way, as I hope the same
for myself and others within this group. I have been taking Klonopin
too. I find that it makes me tired, sleepy to say the least. Does it do
that to you? The Wellbutrin that you are using did nothing at all for
me. I tried that about a year ago. The other prescription that you are
using is not known to me.

I too have had agoraphobia tendencies, as your doc called it, as of
late. I have a difficult time working with people the past few years
and I find I feel the most comfortable at home with my family. I have a
difficulty with trust. I cannot easily "open up" and talk about myself
to anyone. That is where this message board seems to come in handy. I
can talk easier in this forum than I can to anyone face to face. I tend
to have a feeling that people do not seriously care about me and so I
seldom talk about myself and my life to anyone. I have always been this
way.

Scott, it is wonderful to hear your story. I hope that it inspires
others to sign in and discuss their background and talk openly about
the things that brought them to this point in their life. I look
forward to the next chapter. It is extraordinary how a panic attack can
come out of nowhere, isn't it? It sounded like that is what you were
having in the plane that one day and then again the next time with your
passenger. Mine first started with an argument with a employee at the
plant that I was the manager of. I never raise my voice and I never
loose control. Something that I was always very proud of. I always
considered total self-control to be an important trait, not always true
so I have come to find. Holding in feelings can be detremental to ones
well being. Anyhow, this one day, over a year ago, I did just that. I
lost control. I walked out of the building and got in my car and began
to cry uncontrollably. I began to drive home and I fought feelings of
driving off of the road or into oncomging traffic all the home. Rather
tragic sounding, I know, but it is a trait of a panic attack to feel
out of control and capable of doing something that would normally be
out of character. Since then I have had many panic attacks. I think it
started from finally letting my feelings out after being pent up all of
these years.

Shawn, that was an inspired poem that you posted. Although it has a
ring of familiarity to me, I wondered if you wrote it? Did you? If so,
you have a definite gift there. I copied and pasted it to let my wife
and daughters read.
Thanks for sharing such a fine poem.

Beyond my recent, one and a half years, of intense inner conflict I
have suffered from depression all of my life. I cannot remember a time
in my life that I was truly content, nor happy. I took a family photo
book in to share with my therapist and we both noticed the fact that I
never had a smile on my face from the time I was a year old in any of
the pictures. At the request of my therapist I have been writing my own
biography. I have begun the story from what I knew of my parents
upbringing and moved into my life from there. So far I have more than a
dozen pages and I am up to junior high school. It has been a help to me
to better understand the things that molded my formative years by
writing down some of the things that I remember. I wouldn't think of
posting it here because of the length of it, but if anyone was actually
interested in reading it you could write to me at my email address.
"ltmiller54@..."
Maybe it would help to inspire others to write their own biography and
help come to terms with your own past issues. To some degree we all
carry facets of our personality that were created early on in our
lives. Reliving them within a biographical writing can be very
therapeutic.

Until another time, be good to yourselves. Do something positive for
yourself, even if it is just for today. Take time to satisfy your own
needs.