hi all,most of you don't know me but maryann and some of you do
because i went to the meetings at aim at 13/kelly on tuesday night.
right now i want to talk to you all because you know what i'm going
through with panic attacks and depression and this is my first post to
this group. i'm a christian and is saved by jesus's blood but
sometimes i just can't take it at times,like now. this is just a brief
history of my life,ok. my depression i believe started in high
school,i had no social life because i stuttered and still do and i got
picked on and teased becaused of it. i had no confidence and very low
self esteem,but i'm getting better because of jesus. i also came home
to a dysfunctional family,i'm 43 now and still living at home. my
panic attacks started in the summer of 1997,my first sympton started
then and it all went downhill after that as the other symptons came on
me. i finally had to quit work in january of 1999 because of it and i
haven't been to work since,i just couldn't take it anymore. plus i've
got earworms,some song,melody or lyric gets stuck in my head and plays
over and over again without stopping. it started turning abusive in
1993 as i couldn't control it anymore and i still have these earworms
to this very day and i don't know what to do about it either. i'm on
medication to control my panic attacks and it's doing a good job
because i'm not housebound anymore,but i also need to be on medication
to control my depression. that's the biggest issue right now for me
because i don't feel like doing nothing. i started seeing a therapist
to talk about these issues of mine and after a few sessions she'll
send me to a psychiatrist to help me with my depression. i also want
to volunteer at my church so i can be out of the house and away from
my parents,especially my dad. also i need to be out of my parent's
home soon because they can't afford to live here anymore. i've got a
case worker at the michigan department of human services and i told
her about finding me a low rent place to live because i'm on a fixed
income per month,i'm on ssi now and she told me she can't because she
doesn't do that sort of stuff. is this true,i mean a case worker is
suspose to help people with this sort of stuff. can i get a new case
worker and report her to a superviser because i get the feeling she
doesn't want to help me with nothing. the reason i'm writing to you
all is because right now i don't have a support group to to now. i
used to have one and i really don't want to get into it because it's a
long story to sort out and all you people know what i'm going through.
also maryann invited me to the aim christmas party and i might
go,thanks maryann. i just wanted to get this off my chest because it's
been bothering me a lot not talking to someone about this. that's all
for now and thanks for listening to me. merry christmas and keep the
faith in jesus.

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