Hi Rocky,
I'm Mary in Livonia,MI
I hope someone has responded to your message here. If not, just let
me say this, I had a lot of anxiety also, and I ended up divorcing my
husband 13 years ago, (he filed first) and I had no job and two
kids. But by the grace of God, I have survived and done well for
them. I believe you can too. You've already done so much for your
family, I know the help you can give them can be done outside the
current walls you have. (I hope that makes sense to you.) Living in
abuse is worse than living "alone". I know that firsthand also. My
children are thriving (sure we've had bumps along the way) and we're
a happy family.
I hope my reply is timely.
Please let me know how you're doing.
I haven't been in AIM for several years but I was there in the early
nineties.
Good Luck and God Bless,
Mary

--- In a-i-m@yahoogroups.com, "rpena05" <rpena05@y...> wrote:
>
> Hi!
> I''m Rocky. I have been e-mailing Anne, back and forth from A.I.M.
> the co-founder. I have been suffering from agoraphobia since 1985,
> 20 years. I have had one panic attack, two week before I got
married
> in 1985 and have since been looking behind and avoiding places to
> stop from having another panic attack. I moved from Texas to
Indiana
> when I got married.
> How did I get my first panic attack? I remember so well, it was
two
> week before I was getting married. I had gone out my friends to
the
> movie theater. On the way there, my friends were smoking a
marijuana
> cigareete, they asked me if I wanted a puff and I did. I took two
> puffs before entering the movie theater, and then it just hit me
when
> I sat down. I thought I was going to die. Well back then they
> didn't called it panic attack they had told me I had a rush.
> Of course, I was scared after that, of having another one. And
think
> I was getting married in two weeks and moving to another State! I
> didn't want to get married anymore, and my fiancee, when he arrived
> told me it's gonna be OK it's all in your mind, you'll be OK, I'll
> take care of you. SO I hung on to him for everything. He became
my
> comort zone.
> Now fast foward 20 years, he was drinking then and is still
drinking
> like when he was 19 years old. He is an Alcoholic and has become
> very verbally abusive with me and my oldest daughter. Yes, he's
> always been abuser to somebody. Yes, I'm afraid to leave him. I'm
> afraid of losing control, he tells me I'm Mentally Ill. Can I make
> it without him? I'm depressed, and I have a compulsive diorder of
> picking up things. Yes, I work at a Public Library, I am a
> Coordinator in my department. I'm the one that does everything for
> my three girls. My middle daughter has cerebral palsy,she is 12
> years old. I do everhing for them not him, yet everyday he tells me
> I'm useless, I free loader at home, I pay for nothing, I'm an
idiiot,
> I'm stupid, I'm mentally ill, I'm fat, I'm ugly, nobody loves me in
> my house. He tells me to go back home to Texas nobody wants me
here.,
> etc. etc., etc.
> Rocky
> Anyone out there like me.