Hi!
I''m Rocky. I have been e-mailing Anne, back and forth from A.I.M.
the co-founder. I have been suffering from agoraphobia since 1985,
20 years. I have had one panic attack, two week before I got married
in 1985 and have since been looking behind and avoiding places to
stop from having another panic attack. I moved from Texas to Indiana
when I got married.
How did I get my first panic attack? I remember so well, it was two
week before I was getting married. I had gone out my friends to the
movie theater. On the way there, my friends were smoking a marijuana
cigareete, they asked me if I wanted a puff and I did. I took two
puffs before entering the movie theater, and then it just hit me when
I sat down. I thought I was going to die. Well back then they
didn't called it panic attack they had told me I had a rush.
Of course, I was scared after that, of having another one. And think
I was getting married in two weeks and moving to another State! I
didn't want to get married anymore, and my fiancee, when he arrived
told me it's gonna be OK it's all in your mind, you'll be OK, I'll
take care of you. SO I hung on to him for everything. He became my
comort zone.
Now fast foward 20 years, he was drinking then and is still drinking
like when he was 19 years old. He is an Alcoholic and has become
very verbally abusive with me and my oldest daughter. Yes, he's
always been abuser to somebody. Yes, I'm afraid to leave him. I'm
afraid of losing control, he tells me I'm Mentally Ill. Can I make
it without him? I'm depressed, and I have a compulsive diorder of
picking up things. Yes, I work at a Public Library, I am a
Coordinator in my department. I'm the one that does everything for
my three girls. My middle daughter has cerebral palsy,she is 12
years old. I do everhing for them not him, yet everyday he tells me
I'm useless, I free loader at home, I pay for nothing, I'm an idiiot,
I'm stupid, I'm mentally ill, I'm fat, I'm ugly, nobody loves me in
my house. He tells me to go back home to Texas nobody wants me here.,
etc. etc., etc.
Rocky
Anyone out there like me.