I am having a harder time right now than ever. I don't want to get
into all my symptoms and deatails now. It only makes me feel worse
to dwell on the bad feelings. I think I have post-partum depression-
anxiety. I had anxiety since I was 12. It has been real bad at
times. But the way I am feeling now is by far the worst I have ever
felt. I am too anxious and scared to even move sometimes.

I want to avoid medications. I don't want to get caught up in any
side effects. I don't want to have withdrawel later either. I am
taking xanax now when it gets real bad. But I am trying to hold off
on those too. I want to try the AIM tools and try to deal with it on
my own first. Before I resort to drugs. This is the biggest test of
my life. If I can get through this, I think I can get through
anything. I am not sure if I can do it. But I am sure as heck
trying.

I am starting the tools. I started affirmations today. My
affirmation is "I always feel safe, relaxed, and happy with my baby"

I am going to say positive things to myself all day. When I flip out
and think I can't go on. I will be wawre and try to say good things
to myself instead.

My goal for this week is only to care for Paige. To do whether I am
seriously panicking or not. To push myself through it no matter how
bad I feel. That is also my exposure.

My communication is this e-group, and AIM members and common ground
hotline. I will try to get back to a meeting soon.

My support is the same as above. And my future mother-in-law agrred
to take the baby one night a week to give me a break.

I don't feel ready for exercise yet. But I will attempt to get up
and do something each day. A chore, or a walk to the corner and back.

I will pray to God all day and before bed. I will try to give all my
anxiety and bad feelings to him. I will try to trust that there is a
higher power to protect me. That He will not let me fall apart.

I don't quite have the belief part down yet. But I hope all this
other stuff I am trying will get me there. I believe I will be okay
sometimes. But sometimes I feel I am losing it. I will start an
image book one of these days.

God help me, I am so scared. I am crying right now. Why is this
happening to me? I hope I can make it go away soon. I am trying so
hard.

Love Christine