I was in the stupid hospital all day yesterday, AGAIN! I have had
such a crappy week. I am okay. I was cramping and not feeling Paige
move at all. I was so scared. They did alot of tests on me. It was
torture. They did an ultrasound to check on Paige. She is okay but
she already weighs 6 pounds. That is not normal for a 33 weeker.
She should only be about 4 to 5 pounds, if that. I am going to be
screened again for gestational diabetes on Monday. That is often the
cause for such rapid growth spurts. I don't think I have that but we
will see. My last test was fine. I am so nervous she will be like
10 pounds at birth. What is going on here?

Paige's hearbeat was faster than normal for awhile. So was mine.
They monitered her for over two hours. I had to lay still. It was
hard. Her heartbeat became normal again so they let me go. He said
her heartbeat was fast because I was so anxious. When I calmed down,
so did she. That upset me. I hate to think that my anxiety problems
are harming my baby and upsetting her. I feel so guilty knowing that
when I get upset it affects her heartbeat too. I don't know how to
not panic. I hope I have not created a nervous anxious child. That
would break my heart to have her be like me. I hope she will be fine.

I am still dilated but looking good. I just might hang on for a few
more weeks if I take it easy. I feel better today about things. I
had a good dream about having my baby home. I was trying on all the
Winnie the Pooh cloths on her that I got at my shower. I was so
happy. She was perfect. Most of my dreams are terrible so it was so
nice to have a good one. It helped. I still fear something going
terribly wrong but I think most pregnant women do that. Well, I hope
all is well with all of you.

Love Christine